Love & Hip Hop Atlanta’s Momma Dee has become the new emblem of overbearing mothers.
Her actions on the show are a display of a mother who has projected herself wholly onto her son so such so, that she has regressed into an emotional dependency on him. The dependency is so utterly disturbing that she looks at women as possible conquests for him or “additives to her kingdom” or complete threat.
This isn’t parental love from a mother. This is emotional manipulation. It’s obvious that it has taken its toll. As we hear towards the end of this week’s episode. Scrappy is going to have to cut the umbilical cord. If this is not handled well it can turn into umbilical addiction.
Here are the patterns that one can predictably anticipate when a man has grown up with a mother whose needs and wants have ruled the roost:
1. Weak And Wimpy – Having never learned how to hold his own with the important woman in his life, he lacks a backbone with the woman he loves.
2. Peace-At-All-Costs - Having spent years keeping the peace with the important woman in his life, he now acquiesces over and over again with the woman he loves.
3. Passive-Aggressive - Having lost himself in meeting the needs of the important woman in his life, he does not want to lose himself again, but he also can’t stand the thought of disappointing the woman he loves – so he gives her lip service, but seldom follows through.
4. The Dictator - Having found that the important woman in a man’s life is going to be someone who wants to rule him, he is determined to never be ruled by a woman again – instead, he is intent on being in charge with the woman he loves.
5. Absent (Either Physically Or Emotionally) – Having learned that getting close to the important woman in your life necessitates meeting her wants and needs (often to the neglect of your own), he is ruled by the maxim that it is best not to get too close to the woman you love.
Here are the corresponding solutions:
1. Demonstrate that you are an adult. If you have yet to become somewhat of an “equal” in your mother’s eyes (within reason, of course), now is the perfect time to work on this rather confining dynamic. Essentially, your task will involve gently but firmly asserting yourself with your mother and demonstrating that you are a competent adult.
Asserting yourself will take some practice and work. Demonstrating that you are a competent adult means not reverting back to child when you are interacting with your mother (easier said than done at times) and garnering her respect by making sound decisions and following through with your promises.
2. Work on having a separate identity. If you have an overly close relationship with your mother, you may want to re-evaluate your relationship with her at this time. Now, no one is suggesting that you become distant with your mother. After all it’s clear that you’ve worked hard to have a close relationship with her. However, now is the time to separate yourself from her enough so that you can have enough confidence to appropriately assert yourself with her so that you can be the one making the decisions that are important to you.
Make sure to read:
- Momma Dee Goes Off On Wendy Williams + 8 Of The Most Embarrassing Reality TV Moms
- Claim Your Self Worth Back!
Make sure that you do something great. Be part of the movement! ACT NOW: #Your Life Matters and stand up for our young brothers!
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