What have we learned, class? We’ve talked about how women need verbal affirmation concerning her appearance from their man more than anyone else. And we’ve also learned that sometimes when a woman shares her problems with her man, it’s not so he can solve them, but rather so they can be understood and heard. Remember that? Good… Today I want to dispel the “gold digger” notion (at least for the portion of the adult female population who are serious about being in a legitimate, healthy — notice the qualifiers there — relationships). So, fellas, here’s what you need to know…
She wants you more than the financial security you bring.
We men have a tendency to think that a woman’s desire for security means money. It doesn’t. Not by itself, anyway. Let me say that one again so you can process it: She wants you more than the financial security you bring.
What does that mean? It means that she wants you. (Duh!) With her. Forever. I don’t mean literally by her side, twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. She wants to know that you’re not going anywhere, that you’re committed to her, to your relationship, and to your family (if you have one). And when she knows that, trust me, she’ll follow you through absolutely anything.
This is a prime area where men and women misunderstand each other. Men think, because they work hard at their job, and go to great lengths to provide money for the family that they have given their spouse a sense of security. And while that’s true to a certain extent, women find the money to be essentially worthless if their man isn’t there to share and enjoy it (this, of course, doesn’t apply to women who are in the relationship just for the money — this applies to women who genuinely love and care about their man).
Studies have shown that 70 percent of married women would rather endure financial struggles rather than struggles “arising from insecurity or lack of closeness in their relationship.” Men, do you know what that means? It means if she has you, she’s good. She’s set. She’s down for whatever may come. Now, that’s not to say that you can be lazy, jobless, and still believe she’s going to be secure. She wants you to provide for your family but not at the expense of your relationship.
Would you rather look back, five, ten, fifteen years from now, and wish that you had made more money, or that you spent more time developing a strong relationship with your lady? This becomes an even more daunting question if you have kids. There is nothing in this world more valuable than relationships — especially among your family.
Money is much easier to quantify, to measure, than love and emotional security. For men, being more logical, problem solving creatures, this proves to be a problem. There’s no real solution to your problem. I can’t tell you how women quantify emotional security — it’s one of those things you just know — but I can tell you how to build it.
Building emotional security is as easy as putting her first. Loving her. Caring about her. She needs to know and see that she is a priority — in fact, behind God, the number one priority — in your life. You have to spend quality time with her. Simply being in the same place does not count. Share your feelings, your emotions, your life with her, just as she does with you. Call, text, or email her randomly throughout the day to let her know you’re thinking about her. Remember all those things you did when you were wooing her, trying to get her attention? Don’t stop! Keep pursuing her once you’ve got her.
For this point, I highly recommend reading “The Five Love Languages” by Dr Gary Chapman. The basis of the book is that every person receives love in different ways — which he calls love languages. When you find which language(s) your woman understands, and you speak it, you will see a radical change in your relationship.
[Authors Note: The general framework for this piece is taken from “For Men Only” by Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn. While I have given you my interpretation and application of a few chapters here, I highly recommend reading the book, as well as “For Women Only,” the ladies’ equivalent concerning men and their inner lives.]