It’s been twenty seven years since Prince’s “1999″ song came out (1982 to be exact) and even then the year 1999 seemed sooooooooo very far away. We were all thinking, I know I was…this guy is out of his mind making a song like that. He was way ahead of himself in so many ways. But for the sake of the party that I’m commemorating, I’m gonna quote: “say say two thousand zero zero party over oops…out of time. So tonight I’m gonna party like it’s 1999…” I know you’re snapping your fingers and singing right along with me – LOL. I can feel it.
Here’s why I’m rejoicing. It was 13 years, 7 months and12 days ago that I entered into a covenant called “marriage.” On this day, June 9th 2009, I celebrate its end. Some would call it “divorce,” (I know God hates it), I even tried to annul it, but however the conclusion, today I would much rather call it a festive occasion. It is it a day that I am most certain will remain one of my best. I am free! I feel free! With the dynamics of the foundation of my marriage being as sorted as they are (him being on the down low – DL), it’s a wonder that I can even rejoice – but I can! No! I’m not sulking in bitterness or man-hateration or anything like that, I just know that I entered into a false agreement and it was only time and diligence that could dissolve it all. I am weary from the constant battle and having to re-invent myself has been a chore. But I’m FREE! Free to dream. Free to be loved. Free to understand what I need and what I want. Free to ask questions. Free to allow God to grab hold of me and remind me daily that I-am-free!
I didn’t enter my marriage with hopes of divorce or a plan B. Divorce was NEVER an option. It wasn’t even anything that was in my vocabulary. I didn’t speak it. I didn’t think about it. I didn’t play with it in just. It was not akin to me and my family. I didn’t have money stuffed inside my 34B “in case” something happened. I just didn’t. It wasn’t necessary because divorce was never an option. As I have heard from my older Madea’s, I broke the cardinal sister-girl rule. I didn’t have my own pot to pee in when things went bad. I guess I understand where they’re coming from, but my thinking is…why get married if you’re going to enter with all of the precautions that would suggest that you don’t trust the person you’re supposed to have a long term – forever – relationship? That seems like such an oxymoron. But I do understand the value of being able to stand on your own in the event something (i.e., death, divorce or other devastation) happens. I mean, I went into my marriage with a good paying “County” job – stable, reliable, but short lived after a car accident. I had my own. For all intents and purposes, I was self-sufficient. I had no credit card debt. My package was pretty tight. But staying home, I quickly acclimated to the life of a Stepford and things seemed to play out accordingly. The problem…and I don’t even see it as a problem, but here we are 13 years, 7 months and 12 days later and I have to grind my knuckles to the ground to regain some sense of control over EVERYTHING that life brings my way…praising the Father for seeds that I have sown (at least I did sow some) that have the potential to bring forth a harvest in my single mommy now.
So…YES! Today I’m partying…I’m celebrating. My new life in covenant with God the Father is more amazing than ever and I get to watch Him – who never disappoints, bring forth that which will be a blessing to me my little prince (no pun intended).
What things are you celebrating today that would otherwise not look so festive?