It’s another day. Hey, it’s another Friday! What a wonderful day it is… Friday! That’s today. So, of course, many of us have our weekends all planned out. That big sale is this weekend and we have strategically decided what stores to hit and what time to hit them. We know what things we want to get and in what colors. We never miss anything when planning to shop ‘til we drop.
But, oh wait a minute… did we talk to our spouses? Did we tell our spouses what we wanted to do this weekend? Not acknowledging that our partner wants to know about what we want and need, could bring on a whopper of intense fellowship in our relationship. When most couples first marry, they forget to take into account the other person’s feelings. They have been so lovey-dovey during the courtship and engagement; that they assume the feelings, thoughts, needs, and wants they have are the same as their spouses. And, guess what, that just ain’t so.
Marriage is when all of the stuff that was hiding under the covers starts to come out. You know that stuff that makes you who you are. For instance, you might have a need for very nice things around you. Or, you might have a need for a full cupboard of food at all times. Or, you might have a need for a dual working household. Or, even, you might have a need to have the clothes washed every weekend.
These are the little things that the enemy uses to get a foothold in your marriage. And, when he has a foothold in your marriage, he can begin to chip away at God’s smallest battle formation. He isolates you in marriage to destroy your oneness. And, this brings him one step closer in winning the battle with God.
How do you stop the enemy from getting a foothold in your marriage? By first realizing what things he uses to threaten your oneness. For example, one of the major things he uses is the culture we live in today. Our culture has an economic structure where people change their jobs often, the family roles are diffused, and women are working outside of the home. When people have to change jobs often, the family’s financial and emotional security is threatened. When the roles in the family are scattered, then functions of the individuals are stripped because of societal pressures. When women work outside the home, someone else is embedding their values and beliefs on our children instead of their parents. Or even, married couples decide not to have children because no one wants to stop their career for children.
Another thing he uses to attack marriage is the spouses’ contrasting backgrounds. Spouses are raised in two different families. They have two distinct upbringing and experiences. These things God wants to use for good. But, the enemy wants to destroy what God has joined together. So, he attacks the differences in values, vocations, denominations, finances, and families. One person may want to visit Big Mama on Christmas and the other wants to stay home alone – that is a value difference. One person may want to be CEO of a fortune 100 company and the other wants to be a trash collector – that a vocational difference. One person may want to dance to Luther Vandross at their wedding and the other person may view dancing to secular music bad – denominational difference. One person may like to spend money freely and the other may want to pinch every penny – that a financial difference. And, one person may have parents who have been married for 50 years and the other may have 7 siblings from 7 different fathers – that’s a familial difference.
Another place the enemy wants to attack is the different expectations that each spouse brings into the marriage. Many people expect the role their spouse will play in their lives will be the same as their parents had for each other. Daddy always took out the trash and momma always had a hot meal ready. Some people expect that their spouse will express their love for them the same way their cousin does. The cousin kisses, hugs, and tells his wife that he is in love with her in public. And, then there are a few who believe that the way sexual fulfillment happens for their friend will be the same way in their marriage. The friend has sex 5 times everyday and most of those times are hot, heavy, and long. The problem with this thinking is that your spouse might not like to take out the trash, cook, display affection in public, and might travel so sex happens only on weekends with some quickies thrown in.
There is nothing wrong with the culture but God does not want us to be molded by it. Romans 12:2 in the New Century Version says “do not be shaped by this world; instead be changed within by a new way of thinking. Then you will be able to decide what God wants for you; you will know what is good and pleasing to him and what is perfect.” God wants us to let Him form us not the world. He wants to change our way of thinking.
Did you know that God made us have contrasting backgrounds to bring flavor to our marriage walk. God wants you to enhance each other. If He wanted carbon copies, He would have made us all have the same eyes, skin, hair, feet, and noses. God made flowers in all different shapes, sizes and colors. Why not your backgrounds? He wants you not to get bored on your walk, so He made it interesting. God wants you to learn why your spouse does all of those different, irritating, and sweet things.
Also, do know that you will have different expectations because you are different. So don’t get hung up on the differences, instead discuss them and come to a happy medium. Even better advice is to have no expectations for your spouse at all. Your spouse is only human and can’t meet all of your expectations. But, God can. Have expectations in your marriage for God. He can handle it because He knows you intimately. Delight in your spouse. That’s what a wise older woman told me.
As you can guess, it’s not about the little stuff the enemy tries to use to destroy your marriage. It’s about knowing how the enemy is going to attack you. So, you can be on your guard. So, you will know what to pray against. And, you can stand for God through your marriage. It’s about enjoying your mate in your differences and celebrating them.
Because I want to stand for God through my marriage, I won’t ignore the small stuff. I will ask the questions to find out why he does things in that crazy way. I will try to understand peacefully when we see things differently. I will pray against footholds of the enemy. And, especially, enjoy my husband completely in every way. And, with that all I can say is THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY!
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