Marriage Is Unfair!

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    Ok…so it’s Friday…so what and who cares!  Nothing ever goes right for me.  Everything I touch isn’t even gold!  It might be the green of fake necklaces but not pure gold.   What happened to my reward?  Don’t I get something for everything I do?  Don’t I even get an acknowledgement?  Do you know how many diapers I have cleaned, how many noses I have wiped, or how many times I have broken up fights between siblings?

    And, what about that old spouse of mine, what has he done for me lately?  He hasn’t done anything purposeful all week long.  He hasn’t been holding up his side of the bargain!  Isn’t our marriage supposed to be a 50/50 partnership?  I’ll do my 50% of work and he’ll do his 50%.  I know I did not sign up to be doing 85…100…175% of the work in this relationship when I got married and he gets away scot-free.

    Sometimes I pour my heart out to God letting him know how unfair this marriage thing is…I never get to do what I desire to do and I am the one doing everything my spouse wants me to do.   And, you know what God has the nerve to do…let me have a tantrum…He let’s me rant and rave like I am a three year old.  He even let’s me kick my legs and scream.  But, after I am no longer able to sustain the tantrum, He takes me in His loving arms and hugs me, gives me a tender kiss just like my momma used to do, and speaks to me in barely a whisper.

    He tells me that I am not following His plan for marriage.  As I look at him in confusion, I explain to Him that I am saved and sanctified. On top of being His child, I promised to follow His plan when I became saved.  That’s when God gently reminds me that I am following the world’s plan and my attitude demonstrates this.  He explains that if I was following His plan, I would be living in the world and not be a part of the world.  I would not look like everyone else, my walk would be different

    We are supposed to be like Jesus.  We are to be the salt that preserves the world.  We are supposed to point the world toward God like Jesus did.  We are not to go out into the world and join its bandwagon.  The world’s plan believes marriage is a 50/50 performance relationship.  For example, the world’s plan tells us that we should only accept our spouse if they deserve it.  We only give to our spouse, when we think our spouse is worthy of our giving.   We only show affection toward our spouse when we think they have earned it.  And, our motivation for giving, accepting, and loving our mates is based on how we feel.

    God’s plan asks us to treat our spouse like we would treat God.  We are to serve our spouse as if we are serving God.  When we serve our spouse, we are serving God.   We should not be basing our actions toward our mates on their last performance – I’ll love you, if you meet my expectations.

    God lets us know that the world’s plan is destined to fail because our spouse is unable to meet our unreal expectations.  They are only human and not God.  It is God who meets all of our needs.  He tells us this in Philippians 4:19, “and my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. and give us the desires of our hearts.  It is God who gives us our desires.  He tells us in Psalm 37:4 to “delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.  God places our spouses in our lives to be the vehicle that He uses to bless us through.  They are not the originators of providence.

    It is impossible for us to know if our spouse has reached their 50% performance.  See, we have an uncanny ability to focus on our spouses weaknesses.  We only focus on our positive and wonderful behavior.  We look at ourselves through rose colored glasses.  And, we look at our spouses through dirty shades.  We search for the negative in our spouses.  Why do we do this?

    The enemy wants to destroy God and His people.  The enemy encourages us to move into the bad side of our relationship.  If we can get caught up in the negative, then he can destroy what God has put together which messes up the world’s view of God.    When we are exploring the negative of our spouse, we become disappointed.  This disappointment causes us to become paralyzed which leads to isolation which destroys oneness.

    God’s plan doesn’t lead to isolation.  God wants us to have a companion who is suitable (perfect) for us for a lifetime.  He signs this person to a covenant with us on our wedding day.  How do we continue God’s plan?  We must continue to explore our spouse’s expectations in marriage.  If you have never asked your spouse their marital expectations of you, themselves, and your marriage, do it today!  When you do it, don’t make it an intense fellowship match.  Listen and learn about the present God has gifted you.  We must be willing to learn, know, and follow God’s plan for our marriage.  And, finding out our spouse’s expectations is one piece of the plan.

    Now, I am reminded of what I need to do.  It’s that time for me to update my knowledge of my spouse’s expectations.  So now, I am going to light the candles, pull out the sparkling cider, and snuggle next to my honey to ask about and listen to his marital expectations.  This is so exciting.  And for that, all I can say is THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY!

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    Marriage Is A Covenant, Not A Contract

    Marriage Is The Image Of God


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