All week, the businessman, television personality, conspiracy theorist, and all around messy stunt queen Donald Trump has been touting an “October surprise” about President Barack Obama that would purportedly shake up the presidential campaign.
Widespread speculation predictably and disappointedly followed.
Douglas Kass, a financial adviser who appears on CNBC, claimed Trump had divorce papers filed by the Obamas. Oh, dear God, a married couple who had problems? Way to shake the table, Trump.
Then came chatter about President Obama secretly being intertwined with the ways of the gay. Look, I totally understand how a man who can manage to be that handsome despite looking like a pack of Newports are his BFF would be a total get for the gay community (or any really), but shut up before the First Lady finds a way to put those paws on somebody.
There were also little theories that Trump had found evidence that the President at one point had Bobby by the pound, Whitney by the key, though that joined the other aforementioned rumors in the denial pile.
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So what was the big revelation?
Not a damn thing.
True to form, Donald Trump’s talk amounted to a whole lot of nothing. Appearing before his life partner — a working camera — Trump offered President Obama a deal:
If Obama opens up and gives his college records and applications, and if he gives his passport applications and records, I will give to a charity of his choice. Inner-city children in Chicago, American Cancer Society, AIDS research, anything he wants. A check, immediately, for $5 million.
Mind you, the records have to be “to his satisfaction,” because evidently, the world revolves around this arrogant blowhard.
The check will be given within one hour after he releases all of the records…he’ll be doing a great service to the country if he does this. If he releases these records, it will end the question and indeed the anger of many Americans…they’ll know something about their president…their president will become transparent..like other presidents.