I sometimes wonder why having to change something in my life is so difficult and I think I may have figured it out.  You see it takes a while before we become familiar with something or someone. Sometimes it’s like years of trial in era taking baby steps towards getting comfortable just being in that place or with that person. We even find ourselves questioning if we are even worthy of this new space in our lives? Just about the time that we get over all of these hurdles we then realize it’s time to let go or move on to something new. Can you imagine working so hard to get to a place of comfort only to be told that it’s time to leave it all! Such is life and such is the timetable of life that requires seasons to change rather we like it or not. The worst thing you can do when seasons change is try not to change with it. So now how or what does one do about all this change, change, change in life without going insane, crazy, or just plan old depress? Well here are a couple of things that I have learn throughout the years of having to face many and I do mean many changes in my life.

One of the first things that helped me move on was letting go. I know it seems elementary but letting go can be very advanced for the average person if he’s not healthy enough mentally to realize there is “more” to life if he/she would but give it a chance. Letting go means releasing the benefits and rejections of that situation. It means that that person or situation no longer entertains you any more because you realize there is more to the joke. Can you imagine going to the same comedy show and laughing on cue every time for 30 years? That’s what some of us have limited our lives to. Just one big same old same old comedy show laughing even before the punch line, but you have to understand that just down the road are more comedy shows some with laughter, music, and a special something just for you. Now I’m not saying your life is a “joke” by any means I’m just drawing a parallel with the idea of having a very full and entertaining life. It’s ok to let go of what hurts you. Let go of what bothers you, and let go of all the things you think you need about that situation. I can tell you it’s not easy but definitely worth it if you will but push yourself to do so.

The other thing is to stop judging ourselves based on the pass. I find myself many times not even able to take compliments because of going through my list of all the mistakes and things I have gotten wrong through the years. God doesn’t expect you to live according to your entire history. The bible says He forgets those things once we ask forgiveness for them. We have to do the same thing and that is “forgive” ourselves and say it’s ok to be wrong sometimes. If you get this lesson right you will find yourself not going into new relationships with so many guards up.  We have these inner thoughts that can destroy our future thus causing for little to no change. So instead of thinking “oh but you don’t know the mistakes I’ve made” you should have thoughts like “ I’m so looking forward to a fresh start with you.” Maybe the fact is the change that is before you is really just what you need in this season of your life. Accept change, own it, and embrace your new chapter in life however small it may be. I now love the fact that this gift of life given to me is a great opportunity to go from one great moment to another and I want to encourage you to do the same!

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Our most beautiful day is “today!” If we’re not careful we will miss today by being fooled about tomorrow. The good book says take no thought for tomorrow in other words don’t worry about what is to come but rather pay attention to what is in front of you. Even though you may have a vision for what you want your future to be, it is really in your present day that the manifestation will come. In other words today counts and what you do with it will determine how fulfilled your purpose will be. I remember talking to a person one time who said to me no matter what I do whatever is going to happen is going to happen. I remember thinking to myself first off that’s not true and second how sad of a life it would be to not feel like what you did or said mattered. The reality is that what you do and say does matter. Even in the book of James it says, that a man’s faith and his actions were working together and his faith was made complete by what he did.

I believe that in order to have each day filled with purpose you must first get to a place in life where your mind is free. Constantly we are challenged in our mind or mental state of being when it comes to what we can and cannot do. Through time and much living we determine boundaries for ourselves not allowing room for growth or freedom. One thing you can do to move forward from this type of problem is to not dwell or entertain thoughts of past failures. Remember the best of the best had to adopt the mentality that leaving the past means just that leave it in the past. I like to say it this way, “past thoughts are for stepping stones not stumbling blocks.” So whatever has become your past be it good or bad you have to get over it and move on away from it.  We have to be careful of how we speak of “back in the day” stuff because your words charge your emotions. This kind of emotional charge will then find it’s way to your attitude and cause for what was suppose to be a happy time in your life to become a tough time in your life. And the whole thing happened because you spoke of some thing that should’ve been left in the past.

It is also important to stay focus on your dreams when living a purpose driven life. I like to think that dreams are Gods’ intervention into our souls that reach beyond our present to show and give opportunity for what can be in our future life.  Every now and then God comes in between are reality and our destiny and drops a thought that unlocks the door to show us the other side. Your dreams are awards given and tailor made just for you, which means you are worthy of your dream. When you know that you deserve something it causes you to fight for it and own up to it. You need to know that your dreams are not mistakes or empty wishes but purposeful desires given to you by divine inspiration. Nevertheless you have to be careful of distractions from people with different agendas and un-healthy environments that kill dreams. As you live each day with this way of thinking it will bring you closer to your dreams and destiny in life.

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Hope is a word that can be over used and yet not used enough. When I think of all the words I could say that represents what keeps a person wanting to live nothing is more powerful than the word hope. When we really think about it the only reason you and I are here today is because our mom and dad at some point in their life hope to find love, a family, and maybe even to have a beautiful child just like you. Life has a way of bring so much discouragement through different problems and issues that we sometimes want to just give up. Have you ever asked yourself how did I make it through those tough exams back in college or how did I make it through a training session for a job or a giving sport? Well rather you knew it or not something called hope was down on the inside somewhere giving you the necessary energy to keep going another day. Yes it may be hard to believe that many great things in life all evolved on such a simple yet powerful word?

Hope by definition means a confident expectation based on something solid. Hope also means that something is “possible” based on sure knowledge or statics. If you are older than your teen years I am sure you know what it is to hope for something and it not come to pass. Because of our past experience hope then becomes harder to obtain the second time around but it can be done.  Many times in the past we may have had our hope in people or in things but this time around we have to remember that our hope has to be based on God’s word and His principles. We can’t place hope in things that are temporary and may change at any minute because this causes us to lose hope for future gain. Many people don’t have hope today because of bad memories of yesterday.  This one fact you should know and that is the fact that it’s in your past means it’s behind you and not in front of you.

You can find or rebuild your hope through many methods. Sometimes it may just be the smile of a child or a new baby being born into the family. Your hope can also be built by taking in new information or knowledge about a given circumstance. What you don’t know can hurt you and will definitely destroy your ability to have hope. People that quit are people that constantly hold on to past defeats and setbacks, but people who stay with it are people who see each event as an experience in life that they can say I made it through. So no matter how you chop it up it’s so important to let go of what you use to be and embrace what can be. Our current president ignited an entire country that was discouraged and frustrated on this one word. It is because of hope that Jesus himself died on the cross for our salvation. It was hope that caused many of our ancestors traveling near and far in deadly situations to continue the journey to freedom and a better life.  It was hope that caused one Jewish man to survive the holocaust holding on to see his wife and child even though they were both dead.  Don’t be dismayed today hold your head up and grab a hold of this simple thing called hope and you too will make it.

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Worrying can be a resourceful habit if you are trying to recruit high blood pressure, a migraine, or waste meaningless hours of your life.

If not then worrying becomes the biggest enemy to your life next to suicide – although it could probably lead to suicide if not brought under control.  Why talk about something so minor or passing?  Well because it’s the little negative things that add up to very big negative things that evolve into big problems. I find myself worrying sometimes over the smallest thing, yet it seems big to me at the time. I think this happens because the emotions may be attached to the issue in some real way.  Your emotions will get the best of you every time if you don’t have a real knowledge of what life for you is all about.

This is why it’s ok and very necessary to evaluate yourself every now and then. Ask questions like, “Am I doing all I can to handle this situation? Is there some habit that I have now that will cost major problems later, and if so how can I get it under control?” These kinds of questions will reveal a number of answers that will be clues to how you can become a better you and less of a worry worm.

As Christians we try to declare that what people think of us doesn’t matter but in reality it does. We try to state that life is all good and all God when in fact there’s a lot brewing under our hallelujahs and praise songs. The idea of being OK with admitting things are not alright and that you need to make some adjustments in your life seems like a sin. The truth is we are able to see things clearer that can better our lives when we truly believe in God.  Jesus said it best when he declared, “I came that you may have life more abundantly.”

Even the Apostle Paul penned the words “above all that you prosper even as your soul prospers.” The Christian way is not to worry about issues or problems, but rather get them resolved. So here are three reasons why as Christians we shouldn’t and don’t have to worry.

• First off we don’t have to worry because within us lies the solution to whatever we are faced with in life.
• Secondly the grace of God gives us the strength to endure whatever challenge that’s set before us.
• And finally our faith in Christ gives us the ability to think above a doubt filled mindset of worrying.

Someone once said of me, “Hey I love his music, but I hope he’s living a lifestyle of Christ to support his music.” Wow. I thought at first how arrogant of a person to make such a statement of me. I think I was offended, but then I laughed because I might have said the same thing if I were in a mind set of worrying about others instead of taking a closer look at myself.   In reality it made me do a double check on my life and what I was doing and how I was living.

Now mind you nothing was out of place before the statement or afterwards, but the idea that I began to examine myself after hearing the statement showed me that I am always willing to say “What’s wrong with you Javen?” and “How can you become more of what God has called you to be?”  You may not always be on stage or TV like my career require me to be, but the same statement  can be applied to your life as well, “I hope he/she is living a lifestyle of Christ.” And when the statement is made,  you should do just what I did – examine yourself and determine, “Yes, I am and I’m worry-free; how about you?”

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Valentine’s Day is around the corner and I know many are trying to figure out if they have what they need for that special person. Then there are those who don’t have to worry about that kind of stuff, because there is no special person to celebrate V-day with anyway. So why do we let such holidays get us down as it pertains to our personal life? Maybe it’s because the certainty in who we are as people can be in question, or maybe the fact is, it does take someone else to validate who we really are.

I want to challenge you to go beyond the thought pattern of needing someone to validate you. I think it’s important to rock your life your way with you in mind – not someone else. Now you may think that sounds selfish – and I would agree. But you can’t do for others what you haven’t done for yourself. So, yes, sometimes it’s OK to be selfish, evaluate what is going on in your life, and what you need to do to make yourself a better person.  A better you will attract a better people in your life.

Consider the following the next time you want to find or be that funny valentine. First off if you like what you see say it. If  you like who you are be it. If there is something about yourself you don’t like, change it. If there are things about that special someone you don’t like, accept it in a way that is respectful. You don’t have to accept everything that person does, but you can accept who that person is with respect to his or her decision about his or her life.

Why should you take such a stance like this with your life? Because it’s the only way to get through life the way it’s intended. In other words, you were intended to be loved and to love. Also in life you find that sometimes things are just not for you. That there are times when you will be single and there are times when you will have that special someone.  Either way it is OK and life is still worth living through every holiday including V-day.  I find it very healthy to sometimes take the rules off of life that can many times be very judgmental. This is something I’ve learned to do because more success can often lead to more aloneness when it’s all said and done.

I once heard a famous speaker say, “If everything is organized you’re moving too slow.”  Playing it safe is never the way to go when it comes to love or your dreams. I think it’s OK to be careful and smart, but playing it safe or easy is not the way to go. Embrace who you are in every season of your life.  This means that you will enjoy both the high moments and low moments of your life. Easier said than done, I know, but it can be and should be done because again it’s how life is intended to be lived – fully.

We make the mistake of trying to have a love packed Valentine’s Day every year and that’s not necessarily realistic. Because we set this high standard we set ourselves up for great disappointment.  So this Valentine’s season I want to encourage you to fall in love with yourself all over again, because if you love yourself you will be loved even if it’s by the one you have yet to discover.

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One thing that is for certain when thinking about how God created us is that we are all sexual beings. Birds do it, bees do it, and humans since the dawn of time have done it.

But just how much has the act really changed through the millennia and even in past decades? Are humans doing it more? Are we doing it better? Some scientist say, yes to some degree. But it’s how people fess up to the truth about their sex lives that has changed the most over the years. Humans have basically been the same anatomically for about 100,000 years—so it’s probably safe to say that if we enjoy it now, then so did our cave-dwelling ancestors and everyone else since, experts say. “Just as our bodies tell us what we might like to eat, or when we should go to sleep, they lay down for us our sexual desires. Sex has always offered pleasure.

Something we don’t like to acknowledge a lot is the fact that God hardwired us for sex. Social and cultural up bringing determines a lot of how we handle it. Nevertheless being sexually active will affect your mind and emotions. Let’s address the issue of being single and sexual because how does one get through the night? That’s a question each individual has to answer for him or herself. But I do want to touch base about a word many are afraid to address “masturbation.” Masturbation according to the bible is not directly mentioned but a lot of people try to refer to Onan in (Gen. 38:9) with Tamar. When you look closely at the scripture you will realize that what Onan was doing was clearly not masturbation when the bible referred to not allowing the seed to spill. It was a matter of intercourse with his brother’s wife with making sure he did not get her pregnant. The very mystery of masturbation is a God thing when you consider the fact that it can even be done. (Ever try tickling yourself?) However being sexually active without being in a married union between a man and a woman is  a sin and carries a big price tag. In (I Cor. 6:18) the bible declares no other sin will damage us like sexual sin. But masturbation is one of those “gray areas” in the bible that is not directly mentioned.

Because the issue is never addressed directly, here are a few things to consider:

1. Don’t avoid something as natural as a sexual feeling or it becomes taboo and takes on a stronger (out of control) feeling then necessary. So hit the issue head on maybe through counseling, prayer, and/or study more about the topic.
2. Some theologians believe masturbation the act is not a sin but the lust that it “usually” requires is a sin. Rom 14:12-13 (NIV) So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling-block or obstacle in your brother’s way.
3. The world of masturbation has limitless boundaries, thus giving the opportunity for “un-realistic” fantasies that may affect your real relationship when you finally get one.  This could include pain killers and a long list of promiscuous behaviors that may cause for an un-balance life.
4. Consider the “balanced” and “free” approach the word says, “Work out your own salvation through fear and trembling.”  At some point in life bring balance to everything leaving no stone un-turned… No big secrets… walk in freedom and don’t allow yourself to get over whelm by nothing in this life. (1 Peter 4:1-2) “Therefore, since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude, because he who has suffered in his body is done with sin. As a result, he does not live the rest of his earthly life for evil human desires, but rather for the will of God.”

Far be it for me to tell you the end all to be all when it comes to this subject and for that reason I won’t. The idea here is to get you talking maybe express your light on the subject so that it may help others see through what can be a very dark area in one’s life. A friend of mine recently told me of a book entitled “Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage” that sounds like a great read for issues like this.  I think the way to answer questions like these is not to argue over right and wrong but rather discuss the results of one’s actions and how it can lead to doing the right or the wrong thing.

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Welcome to 2010 where ever you may be! It seems like just yesterday when the news was reporting the possibility of computers not working and the stock market crashing, but here we are 10 years later and it’s already time to close one decade and start another. You can think of many things I’m sure to be upset about as well as to be happy about but one thing is sure if you are reading this article you made it.  Maybe you have more money or less money then what you had when we first walked into year 2000 either way you are here and that says a lot about the assignment on your life and what you have to do this year to get those powerful things done.  Remember that every challenging situation you find yourself in can become a possible set up for something greater.  With that said I want to bring your attention to a familiar story about Jesus using a bad business day for Peter and his crew as a teachable moment and a life changing lesson. Don’t look now but your bad situation just may be a set up for greatness.

After Peter and the fishermen had been fishing all night Luke records that they caught absolutely nothing. When they began to dock Jesus had already been at the dock with a crowd beginning to gather around him. It’s at this point that he chooses to use one of the boats to teach from bringing probably un-wanted attention to Peter and his team after having such a miserable day working hard with no results. So here are four things I want you to consider from this particular story found in Luke chapter five:

1. God will use your situation for His glory before giving you the glory. When the story starts off Jesus decides to teach from an empty boat that has made no business whatsoever. You may be in a situation that will not profit you anything and it can very well be a teachable place for the advancement of God’s glory.
2. You’ve got to launch out into the deep even after you’ve tried many times. The first thing Jesus commanded them to do was to go back out into the deep. Many times after we’ve worked so hard with no results we want to just throw in the towel but sometimes you have to go back out there again and step out on faith for the finale try that will many times bring you the results you are looking for.
3. Move at God’s word even when you feel like you have already done all that you can do on your own. Remember Peter said, we’ve been at all night but at “your word” we will one more time let down our nets and when he did they caught so much fish their boats couldn’t hold all of their catch.
4. Expect great things when great challenges are before you. Anytime Jesus shows up remember great things happen. As long as you are trusting in God with faith in Jesus you are in a position for greatness.

This year there is going to be one set up after the other that may render great results if you are open to it. Remember it’s never over until God says it’s over and all things are possible to those that believe.

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It’s always interesting to watch my family and friends get along better during the holiday season. I think it maybe the temperature of the weather being cooler so it calms everyone’s nerves or maybe it’s just the idea of it being Christmas. Whatever it is things sure do change around my house and in the places I go. It seems like everyone pulls out that smile that’s been stashed away all year or a song that just needs to be sung. People may be more at peace and willing to share because the need to love and be love is so evident during the holiday season. I think this is also because many of us refer back to our childhood when it’s around Christmas time. Because we think about our childhood we become more sentimental and more likely to feel the desire to snuggle or to just be held. I think of how I myself will plan away on how I can get down to a sunny Florida Christmas each year.  I have passed up many great parties in LA along with fun times with great friends here but yet and still something about spending Christmas in my childhood home with mom and as many brothers , sisters, and now nieces and nephews as possible seem much more rewarding to me.  So what is it that you do around this time? Are you running back to your hometown or looking for that special someone to reconnect with? If you are it’s ok because chances are they are looking for you too.

Maybe the reason why loving is easy around this time of the year is because of the spirit and flavor of the holiday. That when you think of Christmas you do think of a babe born in a manger wrapped in swaddling clothes. That there was this child that was born escaping death by a mere miracle just to fulfill prophecy that we would need a savior. This baby would be born in a miraculous way to some virgin that was as humble as the babe she was to give birth to. When you think of all that Jesus represents it’s no wonder people feel the need to love and be loved around this time of year. Even in the gift giving it’s evident that the greatest gift of all was given during this time. Now of course to say that Jesus was born on the 25^th of December  would not be a totally accurate statement but the fact that His birth is recognize during this time allows for the notion that what you believe reflects what becomes your reality.

So is it possible to have this Christmas love all year round? Of course it is but that’s up to the individuals who dare to remember the birth on a daily basis. Think about it, if it’s possible to want to love and be love one month out of the year surely it can be done several other months as well. Maybe even for all 12 months of the year you can find some reason to celebrate Christ birth by loving and giving to someone else. If you are more on the practical side of things then consider remembering how innocent you was when you were a child and love from that place in your heart. In essence this is how we were commanded to love anyway when Jesus said, unless you become as a little child it would be impossible to really please the Lord. So this Christmas Season I encourage you to reflect on how beautiful it is to be in love, share love, and to give love then remember that it’s something you can have all season long if you choose to. During this holiday season choose love over hate, choose faith over fear, and remember it’s easier to give then to receive. Merry Christmas!

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Are you really in love? How can you really tell or how does one really know? Well I have two friends that are both well over thirty years of age and I introduce them to each other. One day later one of them said to me thanks for introducing me to my future spouse. Wow I thought can someone fall in love in one day? Many people have such a crazy definition of romantic love between a man and woman. In a little while I will talk about the different types of love as it pertains to our Christian faith as well as the English definition of the term, but for now I want to continue to explore the thought of, “falling in love with that special someone.” What I am referring to is that thing that you feel inside of you that says, I believe this is the one that I want to be with or the one that I am in love with.  As adults we feel so many things that are direct results of the choices that we have made in life. So who’s to say if your feelings are really authentic or for that matter real? At some point one has to decide between fiction and reality. Maybe the problem is that love is not reality but more spiritual or a strong emotion. I dare not play psychologist extraordinaire here but I do dare push the button of deep thought that there could be more to this issue of love and how to discover it. So my question to you is have you ever been in LOVE and if so how did you know?

Love by basic definition can be broken down in several different ways. I will attempt to address a few of those definitions in a simple way to help shed some light on a sometimes complex topic. Agape is the main word used for “love” in the New Testament. There are three principal Greek words which can be translated as “love” in English, each with different connotations. The two most common were eros, which refers to sexual love, and philos, which means friendship or brotherly love (eros does not appear in the New Testament, but philos does). Agape was the least used in Greek and least specific in its meaning.  Because the concept of agape was so general in Greek, it was possible for the early Christian community to use it without bringing in too much philosophical or theological baggage. Thus, among the Christians, agape came to refer to the unearned love God had for humanity — a love so great that God was willing to send his only son to suffer and die on our behalf.  However the concept of agape is not limited to just God’s love of humanity; it can also be used to describe the love one person has for another. In contrast to the sexual love of eros or the friendship expressed by philos, though, agape described a selfless kind of love that involved giving without expectation of anything in return.

If this article has you feeling confused about love so far hold on and let me try to make sense of it all. When you know you are in love you have an over whelming feeling and need to give to that person. I think that true love brings you to a place of wanting to be there for that person every step of the way to help, to protect, and to multiply who they are. In life a person can add, divide, subtract, or multiply your life. It’s my belief that a person that truly is in love with you will cause multiplication to you and vice versa. Keep in mind your emotions are involved when it comes to love because we are emotional beings and feelings are real although misleading they are many times close to reality. With that said I would strongly advise that love is not something that can be worked up, fixed up, or faked up. You either have it for that person or you don’t either way you look at it love is something that almost has a life of it’s on. So how do you know when you’re in love? There is not only one right or specific way to know because it’s just something you become and something that becomes a great part of you.

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What is the problem anyway? I have so many friends who are not African-American as well as friends who are. When we start discussing politics the conversation differs in so many ways. I don’t think it’s the race card to say that there is a huge difference in opinions about our current state of laws and by-laws but there is this consistent argument of sorts. I find that we don’t really know as much about where the other stands and why we think the way we do. Let’s face it we are all different people and instead of denying that fact, I think it’s best to acknowledge and accept it and learn from one another. I use to be from the school of “oh I don’t see color” and all that’s true in many aspects still there are many situations where I do see color quite clear. Who are we kidding anyway? That’s like saying if someone is tall or skinny that we don’t notice it, of course we do. Being politically correct in my opinion is something totally different from being true to what is factual and present day. What I mean by that is you can have a change of heart at any given point in your life for whatever reason and you have the right to express that in that moment as long as it is respectful to those whom you are speaking. That’s a loaded statement and there’s no real time to explain so I’ll just move on.

So this concept that black people should not be proud of the fact that we have a black president by whites I find is a bit hypocritical. I actually feel sorry for black republicans who are not allowed to celebrate openly in their churches and social groups without getting attack. Pardon my English but “bump that” I told my non-black friend the other day I am very proud of this historical moment in history and that he too should be proud for me and this country. I find it ridiculous to actually think we can say and declare which president is a “Christian” and which one isn’t. My question to him was, are you insane? We can’t even tell which pastors are “saved” these days let alone politicians. Can we deal with the facts please? Can we deal with the real issues and not faith base issues that don’t really penetrate most of our federal laws anyway?  Here it is, if you are in pursuit of a certain life style be it middle class, entrepreneurial, lower class, upper class, etc. the issues are going to affect you differently and thus your opinions about the laws will be different.

I encourage a healthy but honest conversation between all races of people. I also believe when it comes to our leaders we have to be respectful and to some degree supportive. As “Americans” we have to find common ground to come together and move forward. This starts by respecting the process without disrespect to understanding that there is a true point to the faith base issues like abortion and same sex marriage but also there are legit points to starvation and homelessness. We can’t wink our eye at one thing and then call down fire of judgment for the other. I have always had some type of respect for our presidents in office which up to now have not been of the same race as myself. This is a personal observation and a quick response to this matter so I know I am not hitting or balancing everything out. But my goal with this blog is to get you thinking and talking. You cannot be afraid to talk to black people if you are white and you can’t be afraid to talk to white people if you are black without getting into an ugly debate.  For the record all though each of the conversations I mentioned earlier started on not so a high a note it definitely ended on a high one. You do your own homework and don’t be lazy as an American find out the “truth” behind policies and laws with that make your opinion known with love and respect. No matter what we can’t stop communicating to one another about the future of our nation.

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