For the first time in over eight years Bryson and I spent Thanksgiving alone and it was actually quite refreshing.  Over the years my home has always been open to friends and loved ones during the holidays but this year, while at the dinner table, I realized for the first time that Bryson and I were actually spending it alone.  Because we live so far away from the family, I was beginning to feel a little homesick, but I quickly chose to use it as a time of reflection.

It made me realize just how blessed we really are, and how much we really do have to be thankful for.  For instance, the sheer size of my family; my mother is the oldest of nine.  My father is one of seven and my stepmother is one of twelve.  As a child being raised in a family this size, it’s almost impossible to appreciate the enormity of such a blessing, but then we grow up.

I remember endless days of riding bikes with my oldest sister Allison during the summers, boxing and being a human punching bag for my youngest uncle and the rest of my male cousins, and beating the daylights out of my younger brothers.  Because I have a total of eight siblings and several uncles and aunts that were not much older than me, I never wanted any kids.  I am the eldest of my mother’s children and second to the oldest in my dad’s clan.  Considering I lived with my mother for most of my life, I had more responsibility than the average kid, so as far as I was concerned, having another kid to take care of was completely out of the question.  However, when you’re twenty years old, and you mix a little alcohol with careless living things can change dramatically.

The older I get the more I realize how fortunate we really are to have such an overwhelmingly large, but close-knit family; one that prays and parties together.  On my mom’s side of the family alone, my grandparents have almost fifty grandchildren and counting and I would venture to say that number may not be too far off on my step-mother’s side.  So when I’m home and someone asks what are you doing this weekend, and I say, “Going to the movies with friends or just hanging out with friends”, I usually mean my cousins.

Yes, over the years I have worn a lot of hand-me-downs, changed a lot of diapers, was teased and power driven to the ground by boorish boys who never really wanted my company; but the endless memories of bike riding, birthday parties, crawfish boils, sleepovers and family baseball games on the local school grounds are priceless.

To know and experience the kind of unconditional love that comes from a family of our size is truly a blessing.  I only hope that my son will cherish it as much as I do.  And for this, I am forever thankful to God.

I pray for all those who have an opportunity to read this – that you will thoroughly enjoy this holiday season and that you won’t focus on what or who isn’t present, but be thankful, for what and/or who is.

God Bless!

Follow Lisa on twitter or email her at lisaletstalk@gmail.com

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I have six brothers, all younger than yours truly.  They’re just good ole fashioned, hardworking, loving boys.  And I have to say, they make it pretty hard on a single girl, especially when there seems to be less and less men like them to choose from these days.

While I hope to meet Mr. Right-for-me, I love being me, hanging with me, shopping for me, and giving all of me to my son.  Yes, I do realize that my son won’t always be under my thumb, perhaps not even in the same city, but while I have him so near, I’m enjoying every minute of it.  But one day I do hope my son and I will be able to share happily ever after with Mr. Right-for-me.

I don’t think about being married all the time, but when I do, I often wonder why it seemed much easier to meet someone prior to salvation than it does now.  My lifestyle has changed, but not tremendously; okay so I don’t go to clubs anymore.  I never met guys I wanted to date in the club anyway.  I usually met the few I found interest in, the usual ways; grocery stores, book stores, work, through friends, etc.  I also have to remind myself that even pre-salvation, I wasn’t usually interested in a lasting relationship, but instant gratification, if you know what I mean; some of those relationships lasted and some did not.  Obviously, in my current state instant gratification is no longer an option, nor do I wish to defile my body in such a way, but I still find myself asking, what happened?

Many will read this, especially my “deep and spiritual” brothers and sisters, and say:

• You’re in preparation
• There are still some issues you haven’t resolved (financial, mental, spiritual, the usual)
• You’re a gem.  It takes time to prepare a man for a woman like you
• Maybe you don’t get out enough
• Perhaps you aren’t giving off the right signals (not friendly enough, nice enough, walk too fast)
• Maybe it’s just not your time

Okay, if you’re saved you’ve heard all of the above.  For the unsaved, I have many more and while in some cases the above may be true, the fact that other precious gems like Betty, Sue and Mary are also in preparation, still have unresolved issues and don’t get out very much at all; and still seem to be hitting it off pretty well in the dating arena, while others are not, so please, no more excuses.  As well intentioned as they are, they are not needed and no longer comforting to those who have heard it 101 times.  By the way, Betty, Sue and Mary represent women from all walks of life.  They are tall, skinny; fat or ugly; with child, without; can and can’t cook. Now what?  And yes, the relationships are working out pretty well.

I bring this issue up because many times I think we focus on the wrong thing when it comes to singles.  We’re always trying to make it better.  In fact, I have found myself laying out the same bullet points to friends who come to me for advice (as if I have no desire to be married one day).  But herein lies the difference between me and a few of my girls…

I am content.  I am content with Christ, without a man, without a warm body lying next to me at night, without a shoulder to cry on, without a kiss, a hug, a passionate roll in the hay…I’m content just loving Lisa.

“I have learned to be quite content whatever my circumstances…”  Paul- Philippians 4:11 (Read The Message Bible here)

In Him,

Follow Lisa on twitter and email her at lisaletstalk@gmail.com

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I’m amazed at how much I’ve learned by observing my dogs, Paka and Madison.  They don’t eat your last piece of chocolate, jump out of closets to scare you on purpose, judge you when you do things you know you aren’t supposed to, and most importantly, they stand by you no matter what.

Whenever I come home my babies are wagging their little tails waiting for me with great anticipation, licking on my heals and ankles, and competing to see whose going to get acknowledged first.  Whether they want to go potty or simply get a rub, they’re always glad to see me.

I often wonder how a marriage would change if as a spouse one came home to a husband or wife who was genuinely glad to see them…  Waiting for you at the door with a kiss and rub on the shoulder, not a problem that needs to be solved, bill that needs to be paid, or to use you as a sounding board to dump all their problems on; just a kiss, a rub, and someone to listen if you have anything to say, and to top it off, a hot plate of food.

Some might say, “Get real.  This is the real world”, but I can think of a few people I know personally that live this way, so I’m forced to believe it can happen.

Stay tuned for more from Paka and Mattie…

Follow Lisa on twitter or email her at lisaletstalk@gmail.com

Blog:  http://lisaletstalk.blogspot.com/

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The bible says if a man doesn’t work he doesn’t eat, and from a child I was taught this truth both directly and indirectly.  I grew up in a very blended and large family.  My parents divorced when my brother John and I were toddlers, but my dad has always remained a vital part of our lives.  That being said, other than the two of us, John and I have a total of 7 brothers and sisters between my mom and dad.  My father has 6 sisters, my mom has 8 siblings and my stepmom has a total of 11 sister and brothers, all of which are very near and dear to my heart.  Moreover, all are very hardworking individuals, some poor, others middle class and some, very well off.

Over the years, I have been privy to what it’s like to live on both sides of the isle.  Much of my childhood years was spent living with my mother and along with that came living in some of the worst neighborhoods and on a couple of occasions that I can recall, not knowing where our next meal was going to come from.  I’ve seen her sell food stamps to keep the lights on and I’ve seen my grandparents come through for us on more than one occasion, loading our cabinets with food because they came to visit and realized we had nothing.

I’m not a fan of the welfare system, but neither do I believe it is a ploy by “the man” to keep people down.  I believe it was set up with good intention, but unfortunately, by some recipients it has been used as a crutch and by many politicians it is now, and has been in prior years, used for political gain. And as always, society takes a look at a few bad apples and determines the entire bunch is spoiled.  When I was a child I witnessed my mother lose a job two or three times, go to the government for help, use it for maybe a month and as soon as the next grocery store, gas station or fast food restaurant was hiring, she went back to work again.  I was only a kid, but I was privy to a lot of things that most kids my age were not.

My mother had six kids and a tenth grade education and I’ve seen her go through hell just to keep the lights on and keep food on the table, and here’s why I’m thankful…She never gave up.  She kept trying.  Yes, she complained about the boss and wages compared to the work, but she never used it as an excuse to give up, cave in and quit.  She was never on welfare for long periods of time because she didn’t care what the job paid, she simply wanted to work.  Moreover, my uncles and aunts on every side did the same.  My family is far from perfect on any side, whether it’s my dad’s side, my mom’s or my step-mom’s, but this I know…

Not every black man is lazy and not every black man leaves their children behind for someone else to raise.  Not every single black mother sits around waiting on a check to come in the mail and not every black woman teaches her daughter to be a promiscuous, gold digging whore.  And more importantly, just because I’m black doesn’t mean I’m a proponent of welfare and the welfare system.  Some of us are about real change, which requires teaching a man how to fend for himself rather than bankrupting everyone in the process.  Personally, I compare that method to pissing in the water and trying to tell us it’s rain.

I’m no expert, but I do realize that poverty in most cases is generational and it is time that we roll up our sleeves and help one another.  For those of us who do have, it’s time that we be honest with those we know who don’t, and encourage them to do some things differently instead of walking by as if you don’t see them struggling to pay for bus fare; or buying your families groceries, and walking away as if you can’t see the brother standing next to you struggling to pay for a loaf of bread and pack of bologna to feed his family of five.  Why don’t YOU do something, so our government won’t feel like they have to step in and take what is rightfully yours away from you.  Why don’t you take the time to ask a person what they do for a living or what they would like to do for a living and counsel them where you can accordingly and where you can’t, introduce them to someone you know who can?

As for those who don’t have enough, and are struggling from day to day just to pay bus fare or keep food on your table…  The next time you see a brother or sister stepping out of a Mercedes, Jag or BMW; rather than turning your nose up and forming what’s usually an unfair opinion about them, why not stop them and ask what they do, where they work, or give them your number and ask if you can pick their brain to see if they may be able to help you come up with some ideas to make your situation better.  Unfortunately, most of our financial struggles are the same; many are only one paycheck away from poverty, if you’re doing well, maybe two.  So it’s usually not others thinking less of you, but you feeling inferior as a result of your own insecurity.  It’s unfortunate, but many who live in half million dollar homes are struggling just as much to pay their mortgage as you are to pay your rent, but struggling or not, there is always something to learn from those who are in a better situation than yourself.

I love giving money and being a blessing to strangers.  Sometimes it’s scary because you don’t know how people are going to take it, but I would rather be turned down in my effort to bless, than not attempt to do anything.  And while giving money away is nice, I recognize it’s not a cure, so my real fulfillment comes from men, women and teenagers who tell me that as a result of hanging with me, I’ve made a difference in their lives.

Let us all resolve to do better.

In Him,

Follow Lisa on twitter or write to her at lisaletstalk@gmail.com

Blog:  http://lisaletstalk.blogspot.com/

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What are you doing to help the fatherless?  At the end of the day will you be able to stand before God blameless or will your traditional thinking keep you bound?  To think that feeding the hungry and clothing the poor is the only answer to helping the lost we’re sadly mistaken.  In order to fix a problem we must get to the root.  Many of the homeless and poor started out in orphanages as innocent babies with no world view, but are now paying for the sins of their fathers. What the church is doing to help them now is like putting a band aid on a shotgun wound.  They are still bleeding to death!

Outreach efforts in the church are at an all time high and if that’s not your churches testimony I would say it’s time to shut the doors.  If you are not in the business of teaching the salvation of Christ Jesus, what is the purpose?  That being said, rather than the traditional efforts, why not offer more relevant information that people can really use?  People are hurting and tired of church as usual; the big choir productions, the same pot lucks, fish fries, clothing drives etc., where they go enjoy themselves and get a spiritual high, then go home broke, busted, disgusted, fearful and defeated.  When will it end?

Adoption Discovery is a 7 week curriculum that is designed to walk one through what can be the most difficult process imaginable, adoption.  No other curriculum is as thorough or unbiased.  They don’t decide what agency to send people to, but because all agencies are not created equal, they help your members make that decision by equipping them with all the information they need to decide on the agency that is right for them.  These small group discussions are designed to be intimate based on the nature of adoption and the sensitive, but relevant questions that most people wouldn’t otherwise ask in a larger group environment for fear of being judged.  Adoption Discovery’s leaders are always standing by to train and answer any tough questions that the assigned group leader in your church can not.  Therefore, your members don’t have to leave their church to be fed the knowledge they need, but they are truly sustained at their local church by getting all the information one needs to make an informed decision about adoption.

When ministries are equipped to feed people with knowledge and understanding on any subject it makes them valuable not only to their members, but to the people within their community.  It’s much easier to walk by faith when we have knowledge.  No word, no faith.  And more importantly, faith without works is dead. Want more people?  Do more.

It is time that we as the church bring salvation to the lives of the one hundred sixty million lost orphans in the world. How will you do it?  More importantly, how will you answer to God when he has given you an avenue to do so?

To learn more about Adoption Discovery visit their website at www.adoptiondiscovery.org.

Contact Lisa at lisaletstalk@gmail.com or follow her on Twitter!

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Overcoming abuse of any kind, whether you are male or female, old or young, can be a struggle. Abuse has no ethnic preference and the ramifications thereof affects both the saved and unsaved, but when do we learn to forgive?

I know a woman – beautiful lady, and her three adult children. Each of them endured abuse at some level throughout their childhood while in their mother’s care. During her second marriage, the daughter – from preschool to second grade, was molested on almost a daily basis and both she and her little brother were given pot by their stepfather. Even worse, the youngest son, only a toddler and hardly out of pampers was brutally beaten on more than one occasion, but just enough so that there were no broken bones. Sadly, this woman was being beaten by her husband as well. Her eldest, the daughter, witnessed at the age of seven, a shotgun being held to her mothers neck, while her husband threatened to pull the trigger. The third marriage only added insult to injury, as Her daughter continued to be molested everyday and raped on more than one occasion by the pedophile she called her husband.

I’ve known this woman and her story for quite some time now. Over the years she and her daughter have gone through many trials as a result of the abuse, moreover, when her daughter told her the truth, even though she saw proof, she denied it, and stayed in the marriage.

For many years their relationship suffered as a result, but today her daughter is saved, has a relationship with Christ, is a “for real” Christian- who not only professes Him in name, but deed. This woman’s daughter has forgiven her. Likewise, so have her sons. However, the purpose of this story is to talk about forgiving yourself.

My friend is older than me, but I do have a son. For that reason, I have finally come to recognize why it has been so hard for her to forgive her self. Over the years, I’ve tried to make her see how blessed she is that all of her children love her, none of them are in jail or a mental institution, and all are very upwardly mobile young men and woman, who would be at her side at a moments notice were anything to happen to her. I’ve witness them shower her with gifts and have had conversations with each of them about the endless love they all have for her.

Unfortunately, all the love her children have for her isn’t enough to make the pain and torment of the past go away. In fact, it only compounds the guilt she feels. You see, every time she opens a gift from one of her children, she thinks, “Wow, this is beautiful. I don’t deserve this because…” Every time her children come home to visit, she thinks, “Wow, my children love me, I don’t deserve this.” As a result, Satan takes every opportunity to remind her of what “she let happen” and how “she doesn’t deserve love” and how “she has no right to forgive her self”. So instead of being able to truly share happiness with her whole, healed, and delivered daughter and sons that love her dearly, the guilt and shame ensues. My friend not only allows the past to haunt her, but whenever there’s a problem with any of her grown children in the present, she blames her self.

If I simply wanted to discuss abuse and overcoming it, I could go on forever. We have all experienced some form of abuse or another, but this article is for those who simply can’t forgive themselves for the unthinkable.

Millions of people reading this would say to hell with that lady, she and both those men belong under the jail. But they are not, the mistakes have been made and while I believe there is still counseling needed in some areas, the kids are doing great. What concerns me is their mother. Her daughter made a comment a while ago, that while her mother wasn’t the best, the one thing she gave her was a work ethic. Likewise, her brothers agreed. Apparently, everything that happened to them, happened while their mother was working tooth and nail, trying to take care of them, as well as the men she married. That statement spoke volumes to me about this woman and how low her self-esteem had to be in order to allow something of this magnitude to happen not only in the life of her children, but her own.

While I don’t have all the answers to this dilemma, I do know that unforgiveness keeps you bound. This woman has endured so much. She was pregnant and married for the first time at fifteen years old; suffered abuse at the hands of men; worked her fingers to the bone to take care of her kids; and almost lost her daughter to suicide. Finally, she’s over fifty, married to a wonderful man who loves her for the first time, someone her children respects and adores; has several grand kids, and three kids that love her dearly.

This lady’s ex-husbands left her wounded long ago, yet she still hasn’t healed because she has continued to keep her wounds covered by anger, bitterness and most of all, unforgiveness toward her self.

Without forgiveness, you will not see God (Mathew 6:15, Mark 11:25&26). You can claim Him all day long, but you will not enter the gates of heaven. The day Jesus Christ died for us, every sin we committed was covered under His blood and the day you confess Him as Lord and savior of your life, all is forgiven because salvation has come (Romans 10:9&10). It’s because of His blood, and only by His blood that we have a right to come before God in prayer blameless. It’s because of His blood that those of us who know, serve and love him get into heaven (Hebrews 10:10). God loves us (1John 4:9). He is not sitting in heaven counting our sins because He knew from the foundation of the world, what mistakes we would make, whether or not our hearts are truly sorrowful for what we’ve done. And more importantly, He searches the inward parts of man, that which no one else sees. He is not a man. He doesn’t see us as we see ourselves, but through the blood of Jesus. Neither does God condemn, but He sent His spirit to bring conviction so that we might have a heart to change based on His love for us.

Forgiveness is not easy, but we have to remember, that in and of ourselves we can do nothing, but in Him we can do all things (Philippians 4:13)! God knows how much you’re hurting and sees how deep this wound is. Accept His forgiveness. Don’t place Him on your level. His ways are higher than our ways, thoughts higher than our thoughts. Give it to Him and allow Him to wash you, cleanse you and make you whole. And let me be the one to say, YOU DESERVE IT! YOU DO DESERVE IT! YOU’VE BEEN MADE RIGHTEOUS BY JESUS, THE LAMB THAT WAS SLAIN TO TAKE AWAY THE SINS OF THE WORLD!

“…Forgive, and ye shall be forgiven (Luke 6:37).”

God Bless!

Talk to Lisa on Twitter.

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I grew up in Louisiana and came from a long line of good cooks.  By the time I was twelve years old I could just about prepare a full course meal.  At nineteen I was fully convinced that my culinary skills were unparalleled, but something happened.

One Friday evening I decided to bake some spaghetti for my boyfriend and a few guests.  When he got home he was pretty excited but asked what else was on the menu.  Slightly perplexed by his question, I asked why he thought something other than spaghetti was on the menu and he pointed to the large pot of rice on the stove… “Baby, you have a pot of rice on the stove, I’m just wondering what’s gonna go with it.”  Although a bit shocked and irritated that he would question my rice, I managed to give an explanation… “Well, obviously the spaghetti goes on top of the rice.”  Considering my ex was a chef, that conversation didn’t go very well.

After being enlightened I decided to give my grandmother a call to ask why she always cooked rice with our spaghetti.  In her own words…”Chile cuz it was so many of yawl.  I cook rice with every thang.”  And it was true.  She cooked rice with everything and so did I along with all the rest of my relatives.

Lesson:  Tradition, while in this particular instance wasn’t very harmful, can indeed be.  It showed me how I was blindly practicing something without having any idea why.   I witnessed my grandmother cooking spaghetti for years and finally someone questioned my technique.

What traditions have you been practicing without explanation that could be holding you back?  Still eating pork rinds and washing them down with soda every day?  Screaming and yelling obscenities at your kids because that’s all you know to do?  Attending the same church you always have because big mama and aunt Lulu still cook Sunday dinner for Pastor Polyester, yet you still live a substandard life and have yet to experience the goodness of the Lord?

In the end, I still don’t mind a little rice with my spaghetti, but while it’s okay, it’s certainly not the best.  This scenario reminds me of 1 Corinthians 10:23 (Amp) which says all things are permissible and we are free to do anything we please, but not all things are helpful or profitable and all things are legitimate, but not all things are constructive. I hope I’m not alone in coming to this realization.

While there are some wonderful traditions to uphold and many have taught us invaluable lessons like cooking and entertaining; family dinners at the table; and praying together to name a few; let’s not forget to hold on to what brings us joy and peace; and let go of anything that weights us down.

God Bless,

Follow Lisa on Twitter

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Has your day ever been interrupted by a single thought? Of course it has, if not, I’d say you need a life. I’ve been saved for over ten years now; blissfully happy and more importantly walking in the kind of peace I never would have thought was possible.

Like many, I got radically saved and my testimony is interesting enough. My life was awful, I was very suicidal and the only thing keeping me alive from 1993 to 1997 was my kid. I tried to commit suicide on more than one occasion, almost succeeding the first time, however, after having my son, I decided I had a reason to live. The thought of my child being brought up by someone else in this world was enough for me to take us both out of our misery, but thank God my mom sensed it and came to spend a couple of weeks with me shortly after I got home from the hospital.

Fast forward sixteen years later and here we are, living a life of peace and and unspeakable joy. A life filled with the kind of favor and victory that only God can give. And while I don’t live a perfect life, it has been very fulfilling, more than I could ever have imagined. I live a life of purpose and where there is purpose, there is fulfillment and provision. The fulfillment comes from knowing there is a plan and purpose for my life; more importantly, to know exactly what that purpose is.  But if we are not careful, in this place of provision is where we can lose site of the needful thing, thankfulness.

Life is so good for many of us that we forget how far God has actually brought us. Our minds are no longer bound by our misfortune as children and we begin to think on the greater things. Things that are above and not beneath; things that are good and lovely and of a good report. We begin to think in terms of kingdom business and changing our immediate world and the world of those around us for the better. We begin to think in terms of what new businesses we can build, how to finish that book, get it published, and support ministries we’re trying to build to feed the poor, sick, shut-in, homeless and fatherless. So much to do and so little time…I’m exhausted just thinking about it. Back to my story…

I was recently on one of my social networking sites and a friend from elementary school had written me a note that read something similar to this…

“Morning Lisa, I was on your profile the other day and read one of your notes about childhood that stated you were a sad kid. If you don’t mind me asking, why? I thought you were the prettiest girl I ever saw in elementary and why was she so sad? You don’t have to answer, but I just had to ask.”

I answered his note in kind without elaborating on my childhood, however, I was immediately arrested by his question. Very quickly, I was reminded of how far God has brought me and how much he has done for me since giving my life over to him. In the midst of trying to start a new business and already juggling one one of my own while working for someone else’s, I’ve been so busy complaining about time and resources, and being stretched thin, that frustration was beginning to consume me.

In that moment, I began to thank God for how far he has brought me; no more sleepless nights, no more fear, no more depression.  I thanked Him for showing me how to love my self and my fellow man and rather than complaining about my current situation and circumstances, I rejoiced for what’s to come and more importantly, reminded myself of the fact that if he never does anything else for me, HE HAS DONE ENOUGH. The life I have at this moment compared to the former is without equal.

The love of Christ is immeasurable.  His goodness and mercy surely endureth forever!  He’s the great I AM; whatever I need Him to be!  He’s my deliverer and my healer!  THERE IS NONE LIKE UNTO THEE (Psalm 86:8)!  I am thankful!

Many thanks to the dear gentleman that sent the note.  I am thankful for you.

{Follow Lisa Claiborne on Twitter}

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Stop Living In The Bondage Of Neutrality

Several weeks ago a friend called me to complain about how tired she was of being mistreated by others.   After telling me her story, I realized instantly what the problem was.

My friend was dodging her ex-roommate because she owed her money and had no means of paying her back anytime soon.  We’ll call my friend Jane for the sake of anonymity.  Jane kept saying she wanted to talk to her ex-roommate, but felt that it wasn’t the right time.  She was embarrassed because she still didn’t have the money she owed her friend and was more comfortable staying away until she could repay her.

My advice to Jane was pretty simple.  I told her to be a woman and
face the issue head on.  More importantly, Jane calls herself a
Christian, so I told her to do what a Christian should do.  First apologize for dodging her friend.  Then, be honest about where she stood financially and the fact that she had no idea when she would be able to repay her debt.  At that point, the ball would no longer be in her court.  It would be up to her friend to either accept or refuse her apology, but the least Jane could do is be the Christian woman she claims to be and admit what’s really going on.

Jane’s second issue was with two other young ladies that weren’t there to assist her when she needed some help moving. If you guessed that she was probably there to help them, you would be right. Both young ladies called on Jane in their time of need and she went running to their aid. But this time, when it was her turn, neither of them were available. You’re probably thinking, “Poor girl…” Not at all, no sympathy from me.

My advice to Jane was that she examine her motives in the future. I could hear the anger in her voice as she explained her side of the story but it all boiled down to one thing, selfishness. I asked her why she helped the other girls move and she said because she knew she’d be moving and would need the favor returned in addition to the fact that no one else was there to help these young ladies in their time of need. Although the latter reason sounds noble, I have to question whether Jane’s heart was really in it based on the anger she expressed at the two of them not being there for her when she needed them.

Simply put, we need to check our motives before we volunteer to do things for others, whether it’s a friend, family member or stranger. If there’s always something in it for you, that’s called selfishness in it’s rarest form and it will catch up to you.

If Jane’s motives had been pure when she helped these young ladies, then she wouldn’t have given them the cold shoulder after they didn’t show up to help her move. I understand being angry at having to find help at the last minute etc…   The bottom line is; we should do what we do out of love for our fellow man- because we want to, or because the spirit of God tells us to.

I told my girlfriend that in addition to checking her motives, she needed to stop calling everyone friend after she had only held a conversation with them for five minutes and that her expectation needed to be in God and not man. Our “good” deeds should be done out of the abundance of our heart, which should be toward God. In the end, our reward comes from Him.

{Follow Lisa Claiborne On Twitter}

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Not long ago I received a call from a dear friend and I could here the plea of desperately needing someone to hold on to. I could hear the pain in her voice and for as long as I’d known her, she’d always been somewhat guarded and reserved, so to hear such resolution really concerned me. We’d worked together for several years so I’ve had the pleasure of spending time with she and her dear husband from time to time and as a young, gorgeous couple, genuinely enjoying the time they spent together; I was sure with a little hard work they could get through anything.

I was on my way to church the evening I got the phone call. I could hear the anguish in her voice and I knew I couldn’t ignore it so I turned around, dropped my son back off at home, and met her at our favorite coffee shop.

She told me her husband had revealed to her that he no longer loved her; that he wanted out of the marriage. She and I aren’t the best of friends, but over the years we’ve spent quite a bit of time together; enough for me to recognize he was lying immediately. I’d witnessed first hand how much this man adored his wife; how he adorned her with gifts and the way he smiled at her when she wasn’t looking; even the endearing things he said about her, not only in my presence but others, and it was genuine. While we know there’s no such thing as the perfect marriage, I thought this couple had the determination it takes to make a marriage work. And sadly, they’re going through a process of separation with every intention of filing for divorce soon.

Now for a little history… They started dating in college and later married. My friend was saved, had a relationship with the Lord, however, he did not. In fact, while he professed belief, he shunned the church. In addition, he was extremely jealous and brought past issues into the relationship, because apparently his ex-girlfriend cheated and he expected her to do the same. Counseling ensued before the wedding and life began to happen. She had some medical issues, so sex wasn’t happening as often as a young twenty something male would have liked, but they sought help and it was corrected. Slowly, but methodically, my friend’s husband began introducing things into their sex life that she felt would further distance her relationship with God. First it was magazines, then premium channel “soft” porn, but being married, she agreed to watch it. Obviously, what followed suit was acting out what was being seen; following that was the internet porn and buying toys on the internet; then, little did she know, sexual requests that normal men don’t typically make of their wives, straight men anyway; and finally, the straw that broke the camel’s back, a threesome with male or female.

Suddenly I was no longer surprised that during her pregnancy he had no desire for her. Originally I found that hard to believe considering in times past he couldn’t keep his hands off of her, but it all started coming together. After constantly thinking of, and imagining near perfect bodies go at it in every position and direction… How could a pregnant woman possibly be found attractive?

If it seems as though all fingers are pointing towards him; they are not. My friend certainly played her role, in the breakdown of the marriage, but the purpose of the story and the time line is not to blame either of them, but to give a would-be guide for those who may be facing similar situations; in hopes that you wont’ have to face foreclosure or a dwindling bank account before facing your own reality.
Although it’s not over, it is taking some very wise counsel, both spiritual and professional to help her get through this. And my advice to those who may be reading this is to seek the same.

People don’t get addicted to sex or porn, gambling or even drugs overnight…it’s a process, whether short or long, and all it takes is one seed to take root, so let’s be careful to watch what we’re allowing to take root in our lives. Let’s take inventory of what we’re listening too; who and what we’re entertaining; and the things we’re giving our attention too.

My heart aches for this couple I’ve grown to care for so deeply; both have been there for me in my time of need and he’s a beautiful person that needs much healing, but I believe with God’s help all things are possible and that this too shall pass and he will overcome it.

God Bless,

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