Sometimes the best gift we can offer the ones we love most is to allow them the freedom to fall flat on their faces.

Luke 15:11-32 (New International Version)

“Jesus continued: ‘”There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.

“Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.’”

In my continued study of Luke this year, I have finally come to what is arguably one of the most beautiful passages of the bible. The tale of the prodigal (or lost) son is has all of the best elements of a good story well told. There is discontent, betrayal, failure, crisis, climax, redemption, resentment, revelation, and resolution. As I have studied it, I have always focused upon my favorite character, the father, whose disposition mirrors that of our heavenly Father. More specifically, I have focused on the father’s reception of his son upon the latter’s homecoming.  When I take time to meditate on what it means that a middle eastern patriarch would gather up his robes, reveal his ankles, and run to scoop up and celebrate a wayward child, who had essentially wished him dead by demanding his inheritance, then abandoned the family to squander the very resources he had so insolently requested, I well up with tears. It makes no sense to me that God did this for me, and watches out for every wayward soul to return home, ready to greet and scoop them up with the same eagerness. It is my desire that every human being would luxuriate in this type of soul-stirring, life altering, mind-blowing love.

My focus today, however, is not the father’s reception of his son, but his granting of the initial request. While discussing this passage with the wonderful women who comprise my bible study group, someone brought up the fact that the father gave the son his inheritance, fully aware of what the young man would eventually do with it. We wondered aloud why would the father give in to such a destructive request. Some shared that the father probably wouldn’t have been able to stop the son in the first place. Some believed that the son would have just found another way to get his share and leave, probably causing much more damage in the process. Another woman surmised that had the son remained, his bitterness and resentment would only have grown exponentially. Whatever the reason, we surmised, the author of the parable, Jesus himself, chose to create a story where the father, who represents God, indulged a rebellious and ungrateful son’s self-centered request.

This begs the question: Would God really do that? The answer is most assuredly “yes.” This parable told by the one person who knows God perfectly because he himself is God, confirms that God will sometimes allow us to fully realize the desires of our hearts – even when those desires break his heart. In his perfect wisdom, God knows exactly what combination of good and “bad” events to allow into our lives in order to shape us into the men and women he created us to become.

As a parent of four, a mentor, and a friend, the father’s permissiveness in the parable speaks very loudly to me. I hate to see the people I love make decisions, which I know can have no good conclusion. In other words, I don’t enjoy a good train wreck. There is nothing harder than to watch a friend, whom you have warned about flirting with a co-worker, consummate the affair that ends his marriage. I have watched as young people I love like kin persist at taking spouses I have begged them not to marry only to divorce months later, jump feet first into illegal activities only to land in jail, or engage in illicit sexual activity that renders them HIV positive. I have wept bitter tears over relatives who have turned their backs on God and literally walked away. I have watched my own young, children persist in behavior, which ends in painful consequences.

In the past, in my zeal to protect those I love from making hurtful and even dangerous choices, I have overstepped my bounds and rendered unwarranted judgments, imposed unsolicited advice, pronounced unholy condemnation, and given unwanted help. At the time I told myself that I behaved so out of love for the person. But the truth is fear was also part of my motivation. I feared that the worst would result from any given decision, so I did whatever was in my power to make sure that decision did not get made or to rescue the one who made it so that (s)he would not have to experience the consequences. I have cajoled, threatened, manipulated, guilted, shamed, and harassed – all in the name of doing “what is best” for a loved one. But the truth is I didn’t trust God to take care of my people.

I can never know exactly what is absolutely best for another human being. Only God can. He knows what we think before we think it. He knows every choice, the results of that choice, and all of the unforeseen ramifications of those results, and is already working through them for our good long before we ever see them coming.  God is truly amazing.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating encouraging sin. As believers we are called to hold each other accountable to godly behavior. I won’t remain silent about sin. But once I have informed a person of what I am convinced is true, I must allow the person to make his/her own choice. Think about it. No being faces more rejection on a regular basis than God. He is perfect, holy, loving, gentle, righteous, and all powerful, yet much of humanity rejects him with every breath. If he in all his power respects an individual’s power to choose, then shouldn’t I? In his case the rejection is personal – yet he “stands at the door and knocks,” because he does not want any to perish.

I am seeing that it does not matter if in many instances my worst fears for a person are realized.  God’s got ‘em; and I need to trust that. He allows us the freedom to choose even if that means rebelling against him.  I am learning, and it is proving to be a very difficult lesson, that sometimes the best thing I can offer the people I love is to allow them to fail and refuse to rescue them from their mess. The old folks say it best, “Ain’t no sense like bought sense.” Wisdom worth having is often hard-earned. There is a huge difference between knowing information and internalizing it to the point where it transforms your thinking and alters your behavior. It is the human condition that we learn best sometimes by failing big. Whatever costs us nothing is seldom appreciated and easily discarded. Surely our all-wise Creator knows this and operates accordingly. My determination is to imitate him in this area – to stay close enough to hear when he says, “Back off. I got this,” but to stand on my porch, watching for the prodigal’s return and to be ready with my track shoes on so that I can be among those who sprint to, scoop up, cover with kisses, and celebrate any number of “lost” souls who are courageous enough to start toward home.

God help me.

Be blessed Family!

Written by Sheeri Mitchell for Elev8.com. Follow Sheeri on Twitter! or visit her on Black Planet.

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Proverbs 14:1 (New International Version)

“The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”

Years ago, after studying a book by Shaunti Feldhan called, “For Women Only: What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives Of Men,” I had cause to reevaluate the manner in which I not only speak about my husband publicly, but also how I talk about him in my head. The author did an excellent job of explaining that even seemingly “harmless complaints” (if such an animal exists) can find their mark in a husband’s heart if delivered poorly. The end result is that a woman tears down with her words, the very human being she has pledged to love and honor.

Any human being, who has consistently been on the receiving end of stinging criticism, is bound to get worn down over time. When a wife consistently points out her spouse’s flaws to him or to others, he can begin to feel as though nothing he does is good enough for her. From there it is not a big leap to conclude that since there is no pleasing his wife, he shouldn’t bother to try. After all, the husband reasons, it isn’t as though she will notice his efforts anyway.

When she points out his flaws to others, particularly in the form of proclamations or jokes at dinner parties, ministry meetings, or very loud cell phone conversations in church parking lots, a wife runs the risk of destroying her man’s credibility with others as well. There are more than a few men who have been met with knowing, sideways glances and fake smiles from new acquaintances because their reputations precede them, thanks to wifey.

This is not to say that if a wife is experiencing problems in her marriage that she should not seek help, or confide in someone. In fact the opposite is true. It is, however, crucial for a wife to wisely seek out someone who can actually “help” and in whom she can “confide.” If a woman has one or two girlfriends who have her best interest at heart, whom she considers wise, who will commit to praying privately for her, and who do not gossip, she has an invaluable resource for comfort as well as accountability.

Sometimes, however, marital problems are too complex or too close for friends to be able to give objective, useful insight. In such situations, it is wise for a woman to seek out a neutral third party, who can assist the her in getting to the root of the conflict. Therapists, counselors (both lay and professional), pastors and their wives, and intercessors can be excellent people with whom to discuss marital problems. Many churches have all of the above on staff for their members and for the community at large.

The point is that discussing marital woes should take place in a private setting, where conversations can be kept confidential. For the believer, it is also necessary that any person in a position to give advice, be familiar enough with God’s word so as to be able to offer biblical accountability and godly guidance.

It is natural to experience conflict in all relationships. This is doubly true in marriage. There is, however, a proper way to confront  a husband in love. Sometimes the nearness of a spouse makes his faults that much more obvious. Still, many women come into married life so broken from past relationships with other people in their lives, such as parents, siblings, classmates, bosses, boyfriends, or ex-husbands, that they can mistakenly label an unmet need in themselves as a fault attributed to their husbands. Sometimes what wives perceive as a man’s character flaw is really just a husband’s inability to meet a need that he was never designed to address. It is crucial to know the difference. If the believer can look to God to be God and to meet her spoken and unspoken needs, then she can free her husband to be what God designed him to be – a gift.

Consistently turning to God first to meet all needs is a process and requires a significant amount of introspection. Before verbally attacking, berating, or criticizing her husband, every wife should consider first what she really hopes to gain by hubby’s improved behavior, and go to God to meet that need first. Once she has determined that a legitimate problem exists, a wise wife needs to prayerfully address it, seeking God’s timing, all the while determining to honor her husband with her words when the opportunity to speak presents itself. Let’s be clear: This is not easy. The reward for both husband and wife, however, is well worth the effort. It is amazing how well a man will listen and endeavor to cooperate when he feels respected instead of demoralized. By emulating Christ in her marriage, the wife actually becomes a better human being, paving the way for more marital harmony. It’s the quintessential win-win scenario!

Let she who has ears hear.

Be blessed Family!

Written by Sheeri Mitchell for Elev8.com. Follow Sheeri on Twitter! or visit her on Black Planet.

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When my four-year-old asked me about defeating the devil, I was at a loss for words – almost.

Luke 12: 11-12  (New International Version)

“‘When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.’”

One of my favorite times of the morning is the drive to school with my daughters. After we pray together, we listen to upbeat gospel music and sing our hearts out to God. My favorite artist to play for my children (and myself) is Fred Hammond, because his lyrics are almost always directly lifted right out of scripture. No matter what kind of start the morning has had, singing praise and worship together makes it even better. By the time the girls get to school, whatever problems they have had with each other or with Mommy have been washed away in a torrent of praise.

One morning as we were singing “Let The Praise Begin,” my youngest, who is four years old, stopped us all cold with a question. Over the din of music and voices raised in enthusiastic song, Kit shouted, “How do you utterly destroy the enemy’s chains when the praises ring?” If you are familiar with the song, you may understand the built in reference. For those of you who may be less familiar, in this particular song Fred Hammond proclaims the power of praise. The line to which my daughter was referring, the line of the song we had just sung, reads, “For the chains that come from the enemy are utterly destroyed when the praises ring. Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus. He’s exalted forever. Let the praise begin.”

In an instant I found myself with minutes to go before pulling into the school parking lot, charged with explaining to a four-year-old the potentially complex concept of spiritual warfare. All of my biblical teaching on the identity of the devil, the effectiveness of praise, the battlefield of the mind, went right out the window. I drew a total blank.

I do not believe in postponing answers to honest questions, especially those posed by children. When people ask questions of a spiritual nature, I have come to recognize that the Holy Spirit is at work. I never want to miss an opportunity to share God’s truth. Spiritual warfare, however, can be a frightening concept – especially if improperly explained. As I struggled to come up with something truthful, but not so scary as to frighten my daughter, it came to me. Rather, the Holy Spirit gave the words to me.

Kit is a huge fan of “Dora The Explorer” and is familiar with all of the show’s characters. For those of you who don’t watch the show as regularly as I do, Dora is the protagonist of every episode. Her sidekick and best friend is a talking monkey, named Boots. Every episode begins with Dora and Boots undertaking a quest, which requires the aid of a map and items Dora may have in her backpack, or that she and Boots must find on the way. Swiper, the fox, is the antagonist, who perpetually tails Dora and Boots, attempting to retard their progress by stealing the very items they need in order to complete their quest successfully.

Fully inspired by the Holy Spirit, I said to my daughter, “You know how Swiper is always trying to steal stuff from Dora and Boots?” She nodded that she did. “Well,” I continued, “the devil is just like Swiper. He’s always trying to steal from us the good stuff God wants us to have. When Dora and Boots want to stop Swiper they stand up and shout at him ‘Swiper! No swiping! Swiper! No swiping! Swiper! No swiping!’ right?” Again she nodded, this time even more enthusiastically.

I went on to explain to her that when we sing praises to God, it’s like telling the devil “Swiper! No swiping!,” and that the devil responds the same way Swiper does, by saying “Aw! Man!” and running away.

She responded with a big “Ooooh!” and a smile, then promptly asked me to turn the music back on so she could resume singing. It seemed to me that she had understood. Whew! Theological crisis averted. I love God. I know that my children’s spiritual instruction is even more important to him than it is to me. That morning’s question caught me off guard, but not him. His promise in the scripture above not only applies to our standing before a body of ruling authorities, having to give an account of our faith, but it applies to any situation where people desire an explanation of what we believe.

That morning, the Holy Spirit gave me the exact right words I needed to reach Kit Mitchell with his message on the significance of praise. His explanation was simple, truthful, and age-appropriate. I’m sure that this won’t be the last time my daughter asks about deep, spiritual matters. I am confident that God will continue to give me the right words in whichever situation I find myself with her or with anyone else. I am grateful to know that I don’t need to know all the answers. I just need to know him.

I also know that he will do the same for you as you have need!

Be blessed Family!

Written by Sheeri Mitchell for Elev8.com. Follow Sheeri On Twitter! or Visit her on Black Planet.

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Let Your Mess Be Your Message

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJ)

2009 was a year of  financial devastation and turmoil, as it quickly comes to a close a time of reflection is definitely in order. This is the perfect time to take a self assessment of your vision, goals and aspirations.  Although 2009 was a difficult year,  it was still a very good year. It was a good year in a sense that it showed many people what they were really made of. Many discovered a new method of meeting their needs and quite a few rediscovered an old method of entertainment better known as family time.  Families grew closer and the real meaning of life was often rediscovered.

Adversity and struggle has a way of  pushing our creative button forcing  innovative thinking and a sense of survival. Let’s not lose what we learned in 2009, lets take it into 2010 and beyond.  Be sure to spend this time in prayer and reflection on your past, your present and your future endeavors. Allow the Lord to lead you like only He can into a place of peace, tranquility and joy.

Wishing you and yours a happy, healthy and prosperous new year. May the favor of the Lord be with you and may 2010 be the best year of your life.

God Bless,

Judi

Written by: Judi Mason for www.elev8.com

Contact Judi: judi@divaink.com

Twitter: www.twitter.com/judimason

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But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, took him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two silver coins[a] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

“Which of these three do you think was a neighbor to the man who fell into the hands of robbers?”

The expert in the law replied, “The one who had mercy on him.”

Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

It seems that life seldom gets more hectic than around the holidays. Between parties, gift exchanges, shopping, bargain hunting, visiting relatives, and special events, it seems there is little time to catch one’s breath, let alone rest or reflect. I have gone through seasons in my life during which it seemed the activities would never end – seasons during which I have longed for rest, silence, and time to be alone with God. Sometimes those seasons have been exciting and invigorating, where my daily “to do” list, though extremely long, was a welcome challenge. Other times those seasons have produced fear, anxiety, and physical distress. The longer I walk with the Lord, however, the more I see how my life should be ordered.

Every life experiences both seasons of high activity and seasons of low activity. Simply because the individual is busy doesn’t mean the life they lead is a full one.

Ephesians 2:10 is one of my favorite verses in the New Testament. It reminds me that the God who has orchestrated history also orders my steps. I am so important to him and so integral to his plan, that he has hand-picked the work I am to accomplish during my time here on earth. Knowing God as I do, I know that the works he has chosen for me will not always be fun or comfortable. But I do know that he does nothing apart from his character. So whatever He has chosen for me will be good and quite beyond my ability to do without depending upon him.

It is my life’s joy to discover one by one, moment by moment, those works that God has ordained for me. My roles as wife, mother, writer, small group leader, editor, friend, and neighbor mandate my doing anything from preparing a meal,to  researching a story, to sitting in on a product consultation, to mopping a floor, to teaching the basic principles of blogging, to picking up trash, or bandaging a skinned knee. In the past,  I have mistaken a day full of mundane, routine tasks to be a wasted one. I have condemned days during which I accomplished none of the tasks I had planned.

But over and over the Holy Spirit has reminded me that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts. Days where I have congratulated myself for all the things I was able to cross off my list, in reality could have likely been days that I missed every single assignment God had for me. Days where I was so consumed with making the appointment that I hurried past the homeless man, begging for change, or ignored the woman weeping in the bank.

In church one Sunday, a guest pastor told of an experiment conducted at a seminary in the recent past. He explained that a group of seminary students were instructed to go to one side of the campus to be interviewed and to prepare to give a sermon on Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan, after which they would travel across campus to another building to deliver their sermon. What the students did not know was that between the first destination and the second, lay an actor who had been hired to portray a mugging victim. Needless to say, the point of the experiment would be to see how many students would stop to help.

As they finished their interviews some students were told that they’d finished early and had a little more time to get to their second destination. Other students were told that the interview had run over and they had better hurry if they were going to be on time.  Every single student en route to give their sermon on the parable of the Good Samaritan encountered the actor. However out of the group that was “running late” a whopping 63% of them literally stepped over the “mugging victim.” Yet nearly all of the students in their interviews when asked why they had come to seminary had answered, “To help people.”

Think about that. Each student had come from an interview and preparation session on the Good Samaritan. Each was on his/her way to give a sermon on the very topic. Yet more than half who were in a rush, refused to stop to help what they perceived to be an injured man.

This lesson is not only good for the Christmas season but for every season in our lives. Brothers and sisters, let’s not get so caught up with the busy-ness of our lives, that we neglect the fullness we find in Christ. Remember, whatever we do for the “least of these” we do to Jesus himself.  We cannot help those in need around us if we’re too busy with our own agendas to even see them. Enjoy our holiday but remember whom you serve and why he came.

Be blessed, Family!

Written by Sheeri Mitchell for Elev8.com

Follow Sheeri on Twitter! or visit her on Black Planet.

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Matthew 5:9 (New International Version)

” Blessed are the peacemakers,for they will be called sons of God.”

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a really bad apology? You find yourself truly wronged by someone; you deliberate as to whether or not to confront that person. When you finally reach that understanding that you cannot let the offense go, you do your best to confront your brother or sister in the manner Jesus laid out. But instead of “winning” your brother or sister, you get clowned.

That has happened to me more times than I can count. And no matter how old I get, a bad apology makes it so much more difficult to forgive my offender. Since God does not give me the option of refusing to forgive, when I find myself faced with a bad apology, I just take a big-girl-pill and suck it up. I know enough to know that not only have I given my share of bad apologies, but that I have committed offenses for which I have never even thought to utter an apology – and you know what? Since I have offered and regularly offer a sincere “blanket” apology for my sins, complete with as much repentance as this stinky ol’ heart of mine can muster, God has and continually forgives me of every single one. That is the grace I have because I have committed lordship of my life over to Christ and accept his death on the cross for payment of my sins. If you don’t know that type of freedom, I encourage you to investigate it for yourself.

Saved or not, however, everyone knows what it feels like to get and to give a bad apology or to use a colloquialism, “a jacked up” apology. Let’s examine a few before exploring how to and why we should bother to improve upon them.

The “I’m Sorry You Feel That Way” Apology

This apology kicks rocks because instead of taking responsibility for having committed a wrong, the offender blames the victim for “misunderstanding” or for being “too sensitive” without actually saying “It’s your fault this happened.” This form of apologizing really says, “I’m sorry that you are such a loser, and that I have to be bothered with you.” Needless to say it is unsatisfying because it lacks true acknowledgment of an offense and compassion for the injured person.

The “I’m Sorry, But…” Apology

This apology is the most deceiving of all because it can actually have the appearance of a sincere apology. Depending upon the tone of the person issuing it, the receiving party can actually be fooled into thinking that (s)he has received genuine closure. It is a sneaky one because sometimes the “but” half of it doesn’t come right away. If we’re in conversation and you apologize, but then follow it up with a “but,” I know that you are not accepting the fact that you did something to offend me. You are defending yourself. What you are really telling me is that even though you may have done something untoward, you had a really good reason for doing so. Therefore, since you were just doing what needed to be done, you’ve really done nothing wrong. So technically you are really not apologizing. I like to think of it the way my friend and former pastor,  Rev. Jody D. Moore, of Praise Tabernacle Bible Church once explained it to me. He pointed out that whenever “but” is used in a sentence it negates everything that precedes it. Don’t believe me? Try it:

• We had a really great dinner, but the turkey was dry as rice cakes.  Good dinner + “but” = Not a good dinner
• She made a beautiful bride, but her dress was ill-fitting. Beautiful bride + “but” = Not a beautiful bride
• I would do this favor for you, but I don’t have the authority. I would + “but” = I won’t
• I am sorry I stole from you, but I needed the money. I am sorry + “but” = I am not really sorry it just seemed like a good way to start this sentence.

As stated above, the “I am sorry, but” apology is a sneaky one. Sometimes the “but” doesn’t come for days, weeks, months, or even years later. I once had an ugly disagreement with a relative, who went on to apologize for speaking to me so poorly. I was shocked because this person is known in our family for never admitting wrong doing. I was so please with what appeared to be a change of heart that I accepted her apology right away and was foolish enough to think all was well between us – that is until she blind-sided me with the “but.” In a conversation that would take place much later, this woman would justify each of the for which she had previously apologized months before. It was clear to me that she had been thinking about her speech for a long while, perhaps even having rehearsed it. At any rate, it was the biggest and perhaps the latest “but” I had ever experienced. And like all “buts” it totally negated everything that had come before it. Ah well. It is what it are.

The Neutral Non-Acknowledgment Apology

I don’t know if this can technically can be called an apology because the words “I’m sorry,” are not usually uttered. This type of offering usually follows an offense, but serves the purpose of carrying on with “business as usual.” My husband says that people in business use this maneuver a lot. The offense occurs, whatever it is – corporate backstabbing, catching someone in a lie, loss of temper, a detail that slipped through the cracks – but the offender attempts to “move past” the incident without actually acknowledging that it happened. Your boss curses you out at 11:00 AM and by 3:00 PM is inquiring of your weekend plans as though nothing happened. At best, with this type of situation you might get a statement like the following: “I hope you didn’t take that business earlier the wrong way.” A statement of this nature manages not to acknowledge wrongdoing while at the same time putting you at fault for “taking it the wrong way.” It is nothing short of diabolic genius.

The Enthusiastic Non-Acknowledgment Apology

I can say for sure that this type of apology is really common among women – especially mother to daughter. I have a really close friend whose mother, a well-bred southern belle, can slice her daughter up with a few well chosen words as easily as she can carve a prize-winning turkey. My friend has shared instances where her mother has crossed the line in her enthusiastic rebukes, and both my friend and the mother were aware of it. Without fail, after a “cooling off” period, my friend’s mother will call her with an enthusiastic offer to go on a shopping spree, a day trip to a spa, to come over for dinner. While the mother’s behavior is often kind and loving on these occasions, she never admits to having hurt her child.

I have gotten apologies like such from acquaintances. After I have heard that you’ve been dogging me out all over town, you dare to greet me with an enthusiastic “Hey Guuuuuuuuuuuurl!” ? This type of apology reminds me of Saul, when Samuel confronted him after his failure at Amalek. Saul, knowing full well he had just disobeyed God, came out to greet Samuel with “The Lord bless you! I have carried out the Lord’s instructions.” Since Samuel never was the okeydoke, he does not let Saul slide. He responds with “What then is this bleating of sheep in my ears? What is the lowing of cattle that I hear?” Samuel confronts Saul, who then goes on to offer a blaming apology (see below). Both attempts were a total failure, resulting in Saul losing the crown.

The Blaming Apology

This apology is one of the worst ever. Often used in conjunction with the “I’m sorry but…” apology, it acknowledges that a wrong was done, BUT…not only is the wrong not the fault of the offender,but the wrong doing is the fault of the person who was wronged! The best (or worst as the case may be) one I have ever heard happened during a counseling session, where one spouse actually said to the other, “I am sorry I cheated on you, but if you had paid me more attention, it never would have happened.”  >blink!< >blink!< Everyone in the room except for the jackleg spouse offering this “apology” did a double take. To this day, this person still claims to have apologized for the affair.

How To Offer A Great Apology

Offering a decent apology really is not that difficult.  The next time you find yourself in the position to offer one, consider the following:

• Humble yourself. Put your pride aside. Concern yourself with restoring a fellow human being with dignity and respect – not with proving you are right.
• Don’t trip off of how the offended person confronts you. You never know what is going on inside of the person. Be thankful that they are coming to you – instead of cutting you off.
• Listen in order to understand. Don’t assume you already know what the person will say – even if you’ve heard it many times before. Husbands and wives, this is a big mistake we often make when our spouses confront us. Avoid it at all costs. Nothing about cutting your spouse off says, “I love you.”
• Repeat the offended person’s version of events back to him/her. I find this to be helpful because often when I have to say out loud what I have done to offend the person, I see where I went wrong and simultaneously what I need to fix the situation.
• Refuse to defend your behavior. Enough said.
• Acknowledge what you did to offend the person. Accept responsibility.
• Apologize for your actions and for injuring the other person.
• Ask what you can do to restore the relationship and follow through.

In my home, my family has pretty much tossed out the phrase “I’m sorry.” What my husband and I have adopted and teach our children to say is, “(Name of offended person), I was wrong to (insert offense here), please forgive me.” When an apology ends with this sentence, the matter is usually resolved.

It goes without saying that there are many more horrible ways to apologize and many more ways to offer a sincere apology.

What are some of the worst apologies you’ve given or received? What are some of the better ones? How did you handle them? I’d like to hear about some of your success stories or failures. We learn equally as well from both.

Be blessed Family!

Written by Sheeri Mitchell for Elev8.com.

Follow Sheeri on Twitter! or visit her on Black Planet.

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“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

The unwarranted attack on the soldiers at Fort Hood helps us to remember that those people who serve our nation in the armed forces are just that – people. Whether you are a pacifist or not, whether you agree with the war in Iraq or not, whether you support our current President (or his predecessor) or not, you can agree with the rest of the nation that the tragedy at Fort Hood was a vile, evil act. It serves as a reminder to us that our enemy is not necessarily foreign, non-English speaking, nor a stranger to us. His mission has been the same since he fell “like lightening” from heaven. His purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy.  If he is speaking, he is lying, because lying is his native tongue.

He is crafty and smooth. He knows how to poke at the tender, wounded places in your soul in order to draw you into his plan. Don’t fall for it. One way he gains victory over us is to make us accusers of one another. He preys upon our fears and insecurities to get us to place blame where it does not lie. In short, he turns people against each other, in attempt to convince us that we are at war with each other – instead of against him. Let he who has ears hear this message.

Nidal Hasan, the man who committed the grisly acts at Fort Hood was a man, like many others. He had a family, who loved him and who valued him. No doubt he loved them in return. He was committed to his god as he understood him. He acted in concert with those beliefs as any disciple would. Simply because he was a recent convert to Islam, who opposed the war in Iraq, don’t assume that he was the enemy.  To focus your righteous anger upon him makes about as much sense as kicking a horse for jumping your fence, while ignoring the rider. Just as a rider directs his horse, Nidal Hasan was driven. If you question the nature of the spirit that led him, all you have to do is examine the end result of his actions. Murder, death, mayhem, confusion, grief, and shame.  Was he responsible for his actions? Absolutely. Did he choose to pick up a weapon and cut down 12 people and wound 31 others?  He most certainly did. But don’t sleep. He, like the many who use slaughter to accomplish their purpose, was deceived. The nature of the spirit behind his actions was evil – is Evil itself.

While we grieve for the victims of Hasan’s rampage at Fort Hood, let’s not forget Hasan’s family or Hasan himself. To do so is to deny his humanity as well, which is exactly what our real enemy wants us to do.

It is easy to label people without thinking, and to judge without knowledge. In fact the whole reason we label, profile, or stereotype is because these actions require no thoughts, just negative feelings upon which to base our opinions. There are Muslims who have declared Jihad against the west. There are even more who live, walk, and work in peace daily. While Islam is an honor religion (a religion that demands retribution for dishonoring Allah or a Muslim), remember that Christianity is not. In fact, our Lord and Savior was led like a lamb to slaughter. He spoke no words in his own defense. He calls his followers to “deny [ourselves] take up [our] cross daily and follow [Him]. (Luke 9:23)

I encourage you today, my wounded and grieving brothers and sisters, to acknowledge your feelings of anger, resentment, bitterness, grief, loss – whatever negative emotion this tragedy brings out in you. But please do not stop there. Bring every grievance to our heavenly Father, who already knows with what you struggle. Empty yourself at the foot of the cross. Vomit up every frustration and complaint. Then look to our Father, Jehovah Shalom (the Lord Our Peace), Jehovah Rophi (the Lord our Healer), look to Jesus (the One who came to heal the broken-hearted) and ask for what you need to stand through this horrible crime against humanity and claim your personal victory. If you somehow remain unaffected, then please pray for those who are affected. Pray that all of us will resist the temptation to view our Muslim brothers and sisters as anything less than that – our brothers and sisters. Whether the sentiment is returned or not, does not matter. Our God calls us to love charitably without expecting anything in return.

If you aren’t certain how to approach God, please pray the following prayer:

Father God, we bless your name and praise you with our best praise. Every good thing that is to be said, should be said about you.

Lord, we are hurt, bitter, confused, angry, distraught, and grieved. This tragedy and so many like it seem to be happening with alarming frequency. We know that you are the God of history. You invented time itself – so you alone know how this world began and will end. You control not only our personal destinies, but the destiny of the whole world. You are sovereign. You are all wise. You are beneficent. We bless you.

We confess that we have embraced prejudice against people who are not like us – either because of their race or ethnicity, their religion, their socio-economic status, their political viewpoints. Please forgive us for buying into the enemy’s lies about one another. Please forgive us for any thoughts of revenge.

We ask now, Lord, that you would heal our hearts. That you would help us to respond rightly to this tragedy and the many like it that occur all over the world. We ask that you would give us the courage to resist hatred and to embrace the love that leads to forgiveness. Please cause our hearts to break over the things that break your heart. Cause our hearts to find joy and excitement in the things that make you happy and excited. Help us to affirm the humanity of every person breathing and to appropriately honor the memory of those who have died. Help us to show your love to the world and to each other, and to depend on you as we walk in grace toward the lost and unbelieving, spreading your Good News and meeting the needs we see.

Thank you God that we’ve lived to see this day.

In Jesus’ holy and precious name we pray.

Amen.

Be blessed Family!

Written by Sheeri C. Mitchell for www.Elev8.com

To read more from this author click here.

Follow Sheeri Mitchell on Twitter or contact her on Black Planet.

Friend her on facebook or email her at Elev8.com@gmail.com.

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Psalm 8:1-2 (New International Version)

“O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth!

You have set your glory above the heavens.

From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise because of your enemies,

to silence the foe and the avenger.”

A friend of mine sent this youtube video to me yesterday. Apparently, this little girl, whose name is Hannah, prays nightly with her parents. On this occasion, Hannah got inspired and not only prayed but preached some, too! Immediately the verse above came to mind.

Listen to her words. She stumbles some here and there, but her words are wise and true. And how about the fact that she is only three years old? Praise God for parents who teach their children the Lord’s ways. Even if Hannah may not fully understand all that she is saying, God’s word is clearly planted in her heart.

God bless this child, her parents, and everyone who has poured into her.

Enjoy and be blessed by “Hannah’s Prayer.”

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“Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don’t see things the way you do. And don’t jump all over them every time they do or say something you don’t agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently.”

Halloween is one of those practices that falls into a gray area for many believers. Some people don’t give the holiday much thought either way. Some go all out to celebrate it. Still others avoid it altogether. As members of the body, it is much more important to focus on what we have in common versus where we differ. The truth is, apart from the basic non-negotiables of our faith: the Triune Godhead (Father, Son, and Holy Spirit), the virgin birth, the fully human yet fully divine God-man, Jesus Christ, (who physically came to earth, physically died on the cross (atoning for all of humanity’s sins in the process), who physically rose from the dead by the power of the Holy Spirit, who bodily ascended to heaven of his own volition, who is seated at the Father’s right hand, and who will physically return to judge the living and the dead), salvation by grace alone, the resurrection of the dead in Christ, and a conscious awareness of every soul after death either in heaven or in hell, our opinions about many issues  – particularly as they relate to the culture at large are just that – opinions. Because we agree on the most important matter, the person of Jesus Christ, we can disagree on those things that the bible doesn’t speak to directly as sin.  The celebration of Halloween is one of those “things.”

Whether you see the holiday as a dangerous pagan practice, infecting young people with an affinity for the occult, or as a light-hearted, fun holiday for the young-at-heart, the most important thing is that you do not judge, condemn or hold another’s viewpoint against him.  People who celebrate Halloween get why it is fun. But often do not understand why others would object to the holiday. Below are a few reasons that I have uncovered as to why some believers do not celebrate Halloween.

Halloween is a favorite time of year for sexual predators – especially those who target children.

Like it or not, our world is a fallen one. While many people who celebrate the holiday do so with the intent to engage in good, clean fun, there are those who use it as a time to target the defenseless among us – namely the elderly and children. A family friend, who is a member of the L. A. County Sheriff’s Department shared this information with me. Think about it. We consistently discourage our children from speaking to strangers, let alone accepting candy or gifts from them. But at Halloween we do just the opposite. Predators are very aware of this and have no problem using it as an opportunity to get close to those who would normally avoid them. Some go as far to give tainted treats or to expose themselves to unsuspecting trick-or-treaters.

Halloween can be a scary experience for young children.

Many people adults and children alike dress up in scary costumes. For younger children, who have difficulty distinguishing between fantasy and reality, witnessing “live” ghosts, demons, and witches can be very frightening. For this reason, many parents of young children choose to attend harvest festivals where attendees are less likely to appear in deliberately frightening costumes.

Some believers find Halloween’s pagan roots disturbing.

Although Christmas and Easter began as pagan celebrations, which the Church appropriated and “depaganized,” some Christians struggle with participating in the Halloween because God is not expressly glorified by it. Whereas Christmas has become a celebration of the birth of Jesus, and Easter a celebration of his resurrection from the dead, Halloween is still more overtly pagan celebration, which can sting the conscience of a person who is sensitive to the significance of pagan practices. Many new believers, those who are sensitive to the significance of occult practices, and those who have come out of occult or pagan religions feel a deep conflict over participating in this holiday and often avoid it altogether.

Halloween is a significant day for those who engage in occult practices.

In their book entitled, “The Facts On Halloween: What Christians Need To Know” John Ankerberg and John Weldon write:

“Although Halloween has commonly practiced today is an innocent time for most youngsters, it is a very serious observance for many witches, neo-pagans, and other occultists…it shoudl be noted that the historic and contemporary occult associations to Halloween have produced something of a “crossover” effect to the larger society so that in some instances the observance of Halloween is not necessarily an innocent practice. Reading through various histories of Halloween one is struck at the large number of superstitions and divinatory practices involved. Some of the former (and all of the latter) can be related to the occult.”

In light of this association, many believers view Halloween as means of familiarizing innocent children with the occult.  For some believers the fact that the association is innocent is even more of a problem because the underlying “spirit” behind the holiday is certainly not.

The most important thing to remember is to be sensitive to your fellow believers and remember the words of the apostle, Paul:

“I know and am convinced on the authority of the Lord Jesus that no food, in and of itself, is wrong to eat. But if someone believes it is wrong, then for that person it is wrong.” (Romans 14: 14 NLT)

If we apply this scripture to Halloween, it might read something like this: “I know and am convinced on the authority of the Lord Jesus that no day in and of itself is wrong to celebrate. But if someone believes it is wrong to do so, then for that person it is wrong.”

I agree with Paul. I certainly do not want to cause someone to stumble by exercising my “right” at that person’s expense – particularly where matters of the conscience are concerned. I view Halloween in the same manner that I view drinking alcohol. I am free to drink responsibly (not get drunk – mind you), but I would not choose to do so in the company of someone for whom my drinking responsibly created a crisis of conscience (i.e. a recovering alcoholic, the adult child of an alcoholic, a seasoned believer offended by drinking, or a person new to the faith). There will be plenty of time to celebrate in heaven – we aren’t missing anything by skipping a drink – or Halloween for that matter.

I hope this sheds some light. I’m interested in your thoughts. Do you celebrate Halloween? Why or Why not? If you do not, what are some alternatives you have discovered that you can share?

Be blessed and stay safe, Family.

Follow Sheeri on Twitter! Or Visit her on Black Planet.

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“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly.”

I have always been a person who speaks her mind. In my teens and twenties, my mouth often led me into trouble that I should have avoided. As I have grown in the Lord’s wisdom, I have learned how to speak the truth in love, when it is necessary. I have not perfected doing so (nor will I ever on this side of heaven), but I have come a long way from my tactless, crass earlier years. One of the tidbits of wisdom that has helped me is a principle that a pastor, who used to disciple my husband, taught us sometime around our fifth anniversary. It’s called the “One Fool At A Time” Rule. It is so simple, it’s almost scary. It is this: In any given exchange between two or more people, if one person is “actin’ a fool,” you can’t act one, too. Isn’t that simple? Now I will be the first to tell you that many of the principles I learn from God’s word are easy to understand, but difficult to apply. For some reason, the “One Fool” rule makes it easier for me to apply the above scripture to whatever situation in which I find myself.

A few years back I had been circling a crowded parking lot, at a neighborhood grocery store, searching for a spot near the entrance. When I spotted a woman getting into her car, I pulled up and waited. The woman took a good while (in parking lot time) to settle in and start her engine. Then she took even longer to back out. While I sat staring at her brake lights, waiting for them to turn from red to white, another car pulled up from the opposite direction  for the same spot. I’ve been driving long enough to know what was happening. The other driver, ignoring my signal, intended to take the spot I had been waiting for. Immediately I tensed up, sat forward and positioned myself to scoop the spot as soon as it was free. Thankfully, the driver of the car leaving the spot backed out toward me, preventing the other driver from swooping in. She left me plenty of room to pull in while she blocked the other driver. It seemed she had observed that I had been waiting and positioned herself to help me out. At least that’s how I chose to read her actions. For all I know, she could have dropped her cell phone or paused while having a timely “senior moment.” Honestly, I still don’t know. And at the time, I did not care. I got what I wanted. I got my spot. The other driver was wrong to try to “steal my spot” anyway. I expected that she would not be happy, but such is life. She tried a power move in the parking lot and failed. C’est la vie!

Satisfied with myself, I popped out of the car, wallet and list in hand, ready to do my marketing.  At no time could I have foreseen what was about to happen. Just as my heel touched down on the electronic sensors that trigger the automatic door, a barrage of the foulest curse words reached my ears. I turned around to see who was having a fight in the parking lot only to spot the other driver (the one who had “missed” my spot), stomping across the parking lot, squeezing the hand of a hapless, disheveled little girl. The child, struggling to keep pace with the gait of this “lady” (and I am using the term quite loosely here), alternately stumbled and righted herself in the few moments it took her handler to cross the lot into the store.  I was so focused on the little girl, who quite frankly looked as embarrassed as I felt, that I nearly missed the creatively-strung-together verbal abuse that tumbled out of the mouth of the woman who drug the child into the store.

It was clear that this woman had much to say and she that intended to say it to me. So I let her. This experience was the first live example I had ever seen of a person arguing alone. She would ask a question, then answer it almost at the same moment.  When she finished her tirade, which was so littered with f-bombs that the manager of the store started over presumably to “manage” the situation, to my surprise as much as hers – and I suspect everyone else within earshot, I calmly and pleasantly asked her, “Is there anything else you’d like to share?” Of course there was. She responded that she would kick my (insert 5-syllable expletive here). Again, my own aplomb surprised me. I carefully regarded her for the first time. Her appearance, expression, and demeanor spoke louder than her words. I wondered if she knew all they were saying about her. I responded simply, “Yep. You look like the kind that would.” And with that I left her and began shopping for groceries.  Our exchange clearly had plenty of fool in it. And I had determined that that day, it would not be me.

Later that same evening, however, I stumbled into a foul mood and in a private exchange with Mykel, I found myself “venting” to him about something that he had done. My husband is an extremely dignified and patient man. Even when I have been at my worst, throwing a top rate tantrum that would rival any 5-year-old’s, he has always extended me mercy and grace. That evening, in the midst of my record-breaking fit, he shamed me into checking myself without uttering a word. All he did was inhale. That’s it. It wasn’t calculated. It wasn’t rude. While meeting my gaze, giving me his focused attention,  smiling lovingly (not patronizingly) at me, he inhaled and exhaled very quietly. Neither his expression nor his demeanor changed. At that moment, I realized that he had been quiet for almost the duration of this very long-winded and one-sided “conversation.” Guess what? I was the fool. He was obeying the “One Fool At A Time” rule. I was immediately convicted. So I did what any self-respecting idiot would do. I shut up.

My point had been a valid one. And I had made it over and over. I had been heard and well understood. But my manner was egregious. If there has to be a fool, I can tell you this, I don’t want it to be me. The only thing worse than being the fool, is realizing that you are the fool. The woman in the parking lot had violated my airspace with the filth that poured  out of her mouth. But without uttering one curse word, I had dishonored my  spouse. I was a stranger to her. There was no reason for her to regard me. Clearly she lacked the self-respect required to treat others with dignity. But what was my excuse? For all I know, she was not even saved. But I have the Holy Spirit living in me. The only right thing for me to do was to apologize. I did – but not right away (as I should have); I was way to full of pride at the time. When I did finally humble myself to approach Mykel, he had not only already forgiven me, but had to be reminded of the incident. I tell you – true love really does forgive a multitude of wrongs. And apparently, it forgets, too.

Here’s to receiving and giving true love!

Be blessed Family!

Follow Sheeri on Twitter! Visit her on Black Planet.

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