Don’t Get Married Until You Read This
I do a lot of pre-marital counseling in my practice. And I love to see the refreshing, hopeful, and heartwarming look of new love in the faces of my counselees. The sweet tension of eros love is a constant reminder of how blessed I am to have found “my good thing” over 11 years ago.
Among many other points I discuss with the pre-maritals, I just wanted to list a few tidbits of advice, or reality checks, to consider before you say I do. If you and your soon to be spouse have an understanding in these areas, great. If these and other delicate issues have yet to be discussed, ignore at your peril. Here we go:
Bride:
Sex in the marriage is not an option. It’s a requirement. Set aside at least three nights per week (or three days if this works better for your schedule) to make your hubby smile. More time may be needed if you’re under 40. I cannot go into all of the spiritual, relational and biological reason for this in this blog. Just know that sperm production creates pressure on average every 48-72 hours for a man. If it’s not released through physical intimacy with you, it’s being released somewhere. Sorry guys for blowing the “I’ve been really busy” excuse I hear from some wayward husbands I counsel.
Groom:
Setting time to listen to your bride share her day is not an option. It’s a requirement for a connected marriage. And she MUST have your undivided attention if the passion the two of you now feel for each other is to last. The minute you close your ears to her sharing her heart is when the bed starts feeling colder and colder.
Bride:
Support your grooms efforts to support you through his chosen profession. A fundamental need for husband is to be respected and supported by his wife. He was born with a need to be cheered on by a female, starting with his antics to impress his Mommy . It’s the fuel that gives him the courage to face any obstacle. If you are overly critical or abrasive to his efforts, you deflate him faster than a slashed tire. And when a brotha is deflated, emotional connection is nearly impossible.
Groom:
If you have a problem with wandering eyes, you better get that fixed before you commit to “forsaking all others.” A fundamental need for a bride is to be cherished as your “one and only.” To see her husband ogle another woman strikes at the core of her womanhood, a hurt that’s difficult to overcome. It creates self-doubt in your bride and causes an emotional disconnect in the relationship. Not good. Marriage is a commitment to maturity and self-control brothas.
Bride and Groom:
Lastly, there can only be one “head of household.” Whether you choose who that “head” will be, or one arises by default, there will only be one. To avoid the drama and confusion, follow the biblical mandate in this matter. And there are instructions on how to lead as well as how to follow in the Word. (Deliberate emphasis on lead ya’ll.)
Finances is another hot issue, but this requires its own space. And lots of it!
Recognize that good marriages don’t just happen, just like the beautiful universe created by our Lord didn’t “just happen.” It was lovingly, and with much thought, crafted. As it goes with marriage, you have two individuals with different backgrounds and experiences bringing their lives together. Two different universes on a collision course called “marital bliss.” Unless the two “my” universes are carefully and deliberately crafted into an “our” universe, fireworks will go off and giant, scary, explosions will occur not unlike the Big Bang Story. Follow God’s plan for marriage and co-create a marital relationship that will last a lifetime.
And for us veterans in the art of marriage, it’s never too late to put this pre-marital advice into practice.
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I think this list is bull shyt!!! First Of all Yes sex is not an option But it dayum sure is NOT a requirement ..so dont try to beat me in the head with the bull shyt!! People dont get married because the P***y or dick was that great..and if im not giving you some for two days or maybe four then deal with it ..it aint that serious ..Next yes you can listen to me but honestly it goes both way and sometimes women dont be talking about nuthin thats being real we just wanna say shyt sometimes..Next if he aint got his eyes fixed way before he got into a relationship with you then his ass aint ready for nuthin but the next b***h thats gonna put up with that shyt..and its funni how you aint put much on the financial situation ..you put the bible in this so that would mean his ass should be at work every dayum day ..and i better not have to ask for a red cent cuz it should be in my hamd the second he cash that dayum check! now personally thats me..but really both sides should play a part with money cuz i dont want no nigga on my back about a dollar….Head of household can hold TWO heads my friend ..just cause the good book say Man this and Man that dont mean shyt!! The women makes sure shyt is sanitary and the kids are straight and that she feels good at the end of the day the man should make sure that in that whole list Mama didnt have no problems ya dig me ? Get with the TIMES!!!
Good points. I just watched a sermon that adds some scripture and examples to these topics. Successfully Single
JJ_lawva01 its not about having control over someone when being married….maybe you should consider purchasing a slave if you have the mentality or better yet GET A DOG. No one wants to be demanded to do something in a marriage its about working together. Sure your the man and if your woman loves you she will respect you as such but you shouldn’t treat her like she’s beneath you….be blessed
As a blooming Couple and Family Therapist I have several issues with the article, but then again these things are written as entertainment.
A. What stipulates that a woman does not want to have sex as much or more than a man. I know in my own relationship I often have to give time for my man to catch up.
B. Men as much you hate to admit it, need time to vent, dwell and think as well, it’s just that society standards have taught you to wallow in silence. In a marriage both partners have to work to equally support the other.
C. Again with the contract. Women should support their men and vice versa (which the article leaves out). In today’s society women are working every bit as hard as men and it’s important that they are recognized by their partners for the work that they do.
D. Head of the household is a ridiculous term. Many would say the men are the head the women are the neck, which turn the head. But this connotation is not only indicative of women being sneaky, but creates the idea of control lying with one person. When in all actuality, control lies with both, man and woman, and how they can work together. A house divided falls,while a house that is whole will never be conquered.
I do realize it’s just an article and it might have more religious insights than other, but I had to speak up as a woman and as a trained health professional.
I plan on getting married in the next few years so this is good advice. I have to agree with the author. I agree a huge reason why many marriages dont work is because many women dont respect the man as the head of the household. I blame the media and feminism for the diva and the independent woman syndrome (there’s nothing wrong with a woman earning money and having a career) But Its a mistake when (a woman and man) dont have clearly defined roles in the home. As a man if you cant control your woman then you need to seriously reconsider marrying her. As a woman if you cant allow your man to lead and make the final decisions in the relationship then you need to rethink marriage, or your partner.
its takes a woman AND man to raise a family….
but technically….
a marriage = a CONTRACT between man/woman and the State (corporation). a CONTRACT !!!
DUH!! i dont understand y so many people dont know this…
Very true
Amen to that sister. I have a wonderful marriage in the lord but it comes because me and the Mrs do it the way G-d said do it.
Great article but I do have to emphasize the point about a “head of household.” For those who want to follow God’s perfect will and receive the blessings from abiding in God’s order, the man should be the head of the household. I know some ladies reading this are calling me old-fashioned, or too dependent on a man, but you can’t argue what God has already said. We will never fully understand why God chose man as the head, but that’s just the way it is. That is NOT translated as “he is the king”, or permission to be abusive. Let me put it like this, ladies, you will have no problem being submissive to a man who is submissive to God. So, a God-fearing man would never try to run over a woman, but work with a woman, and be an effective leader. Trust in God, because any household where God is not the head, and the man is not second in line, the household is in shambles. God bless!