Love The Unlovable This Holiday Season

My personal history has proven to me repeatedly that although Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of slowing down, where families come together to express gratitude to God for the many gifts he has blessed us with in our lives, it often morphs into a frantic, frustrating time of cooking under pressure, coordinating too many people, and endless runs to the party supply store for the perpetual “five more folding chairs” for the extra guests.

One of the things that adds to the stress of the holiday is family. I know that gathering with family is supposed to be the point of Thanksgiving, but let’s face it, family can also be the biggest drawback. Depending upon how healthy or close your family is, Thanksgiving can be as relaxing as tiptoeing through a mine field.

If you find yourself dealing with difficult (Read: mean, evil, nasty) relatives this Thanksgiving, employ some common sense strategies to help you emerge from the experience as unscathed as possible.

1. Pray leading up to the actual celebration.

Don’t wait until you push the doorbell to begin talking to God about how to survive the gathering. You’ve known your family all your life. You know who the trouble-makers are. You know who has “beef” with whom. You know the enemy’s schemes. Cover yourself and your loved ones in prayer. Call each person out by name to the Lord and ask him how you can partner with him this holiday season.

2. Pray silently throughout the celebration.

This is especially helpful when you have to deal with the family curmudgeon.  As conversations occur, listen carefully to what people are saying or not saying. Around the holidays we tend to catch up with people we haven’t seen for the better part of the year. If you listen closely enough or watch carefully, you will notice opportunities to pray. Ask God for the words he would have you use even in conversation.

3. Avoid proselytizing.

Everybody knows you’re a Christian. You don’t have to advertise. As a matter of fact, your best witness is a pleasant demeanor, an open heart, and a patient ear. Take time to ask more questions than you answer. Join conversations first as a listener. If you do speak, say only what is true, kind, and necessary.

4. Don’t use holiday gatherings as a cure all.

Be considerate of the feelings of others. One relative of mine once decided to bring another “long lost relative” to a Thanksgiving dinner. This person had “bad blood” between himself and several other relatives who were planning to attend. While the heart of the person who invited him was in the right place, desiring that the family work out our differences, her attempts were misguided. Families should work to resolve their issues, but not around the Thanksgiving dinner table. The pressure of the holidays is enough already without having to add an impromptu group therapy session.

5. Honor the good and extend grace for the not-so-good.

Jesus cautions us that even tax collectors love their friends. As believers, our Lord holds us to a higher standard of loving, not just tolerating those he entrusts to our care – friend or foe alike. You may find yourself in close contact with an unloving or irksome person. Do not feel compelled to minister to that person all night, unless that is what God has assigned you to do. At the same time, don’t avoid or blow off difficult people.  You could hurt their feelings. Nobody wants to come to dinner to be rejected. No human being is completely without merit. Look for what good there is in a person, focus on it and extend grace for poor behavior.

A friend of mine has an uncle who is painfully obnoxious. This man has no discretion when it comes to sharing his opinions. He offends everyone. However, he is really good at playing dominoes. When a game starts, my friend always makes sure to grab him up. This way she can spend time with her uncle doing something fun, which makes interacting with him more pleasant.

6. Treat everyone as though it is the last holiday you’ll have together.

Everyone who has lost anyone knows that this time of year can be very difficult on the emotions. I can personally say that if I had known that the last Thanksgivings I spent with my brother, my aunt, my father, or my grandmother was the last one ever I’d spend with each of them, I would have behaved differently. Don’t wait for people to die before you think about connecting with them. Take the time you’re afforded at Thanksgiving to do this, if only for a moment. After all, connecting with loved ones and appreciating God’s blessings is what the holiday is all about.

Family no matter how dysfunctional is a gift.

Be blessed Family and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

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