Black Sisterhood: Where Is The Love?
This weekend my husband and I attended a Jazz Festival. It was great to sit out relaxing in the sun for hours with jazz in the background and nothing important to do or no place to go. I brought along a magazine to read as is my habit and one of the articles I read was about how African American sisters hate on each other and constantly berate one another. It was a wonderfully written article that really made me think and consider some things.
The story of one young woman told of how she was always very aggressive with other women and always confrontational. Eventually, she realized that it was her attitude and her posture that brought her into these violent stand offs. I thought about how I’ve known women who have criticized other black women to the point of completely humiliating them. How sad that a race of people that have progressed so far still have so far to go in terms of relationships with one another.
One particularly valid point in the article was cited by a psychologist who pointed out that historically, this was a carry over affect from slavery. I believe that to be true. The article cited several television shows that glorified stand offs by seemingly angry African American women. While I realize, these are just shows and entertainment, perception is a curious phenomenon. Many people who watch these shows perceive ALL African American women this way. Who hasn’t watched an episode of the Jerry Springer show and been totally disgusted by what they saw, but continued to watch it for the “entertainment” value. Watching the shows over and over can made an indelible imprint on your memory and your heart. I began to ponder and think of all of the shows that promote and in essence, condone bad attitudes and bad behavior among African American women. Imagine what kind of thoughts young black boys and young black girls have. The danger is the boys thinking African American women are something to be feared or either completely avoided at all costs and girls thinking, “This must be the norm for all African American women. This is how I will act one day.”
As I perused the crowd at the Jazz Festival, I was very discouraged and disappointed thinking about African American women’s plight. Eventually, I took those thoughts and began to convert them into positive thoughts. Although I am certain that we can do better, there have been enormous strides in the direction of progress, we just need to make sure that we continue to feed positive energy into the things that are already working and develop new things that aren’t. Most of the problems women have with each other were misplaced feelings and misunderstandings. In order to love our sisters, we have to first love ourselves. I learned a very poignant statement a while time ago that goes like this:
The enemy of contentment is comparison.
In other words, many ladies are very happy and content with themselves until they begin to compare themselves to others. That’s when the negative energy is utilized and women become upset and disappointed in their own self- image. This gets the negative ball rolling for criticism and comparison.
Here are just a few suggestion on how to improve relationships among African American Sisters:
1. Love And Accept Yourself Just As You Are
I was asked years ago to develop a curriculum to teach teen- aged girls how to love themselves. The strategy I developed was very effective but a bit awkward at first. I brought in mirrors for each girl to look at herself in. Once she got a good hard look at herself, I told each one to say out loud, “I love you and accept you. God made you and what He made is good according to His word. “ After the seminar they were told to continue the habit daily as they prepared themselves to start their day. Many of the girls told me that at first it felt a bit awkward but after a while, they got used to it and it become a habit. As I prepare myself to start my day, it helps me start the day positively instead of cranky and lifeless. It also keeps me mindful that I am uniquely created and not a clone so I don’t look to others to define me. I define myself as God’s creation. My day starts with purpose.
2. Love Your Sisters
I personally encourage the younger generation, in middle school and high school where all of this “hate” for one another begins, and teach them to be their sisters keeper. When Cain killed Able, he asked God, “Am I my brother’s keeper?” God never answered, but the answer would be, “Yes, you are your brothers keeper and he is yours.” Doesn’t the Bible say, love your neighbor as yourself? So now I ask you, “Are you your sister’s keeper?
3. Each One Teach One
The way we as women treat each other is vitally important to all those who are watching us including our children, other women who look up to us, those we lead in our workplaces, those in organizations we belong to and strangers we meet on the street. If we smile, as the article says, it will promote a spirit of love and acceptance. If we frown and look each other up and down, we are sending the message that says, “I already don’t like you,” which definitely causes the receiver of these looks to instantly jump on the defensive end. A smile is disarming. A smile communicates to another person that you are loving, kind and accepting. A frown indicates rejection, hostility and hatred. Let’s begin in our daily lives to plant seeds of spiritual love, growth and acceptance. Let’s teach our daughters how to treat their friends and other African American sisters with respect. Most of all, let’s not allow the media to make money hand over fist at our expense. Take a stand today ladies and be a good role model for all of the people in your life watching your behavior.
4. Now that you know better, Do better!
Refuse to talk about your sister friends behind their backs and vow to be a loyal friend and confidant. Vow to be the kind of friend YOU want in your life. It’s easier said than done, but putting the thought in our minds is what always gets us going. It always begins with one small simple thought and grows into an action. Like our mothers always taught us, if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything!
5. Promote and encourage love from our men as well
Men, always treat your women with respect. Encourage your wife, sisters, female friends, and other African American women to treat each other with respect. Don’t allow them to treat each other bad with you as an audience or a supporter of such behavior.
Our lives and our legacies are being built as we speak. What kind of legacy will you leave for the numbers of African American women who are watching you? It’s certain, we will see a harvest come to fruition in the future! What kind of seeds will you plant? Are you your sister’s keeper? Where is the love?
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Comments
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I do believe that all races have a problem in general but black women oh wow are we something else. Every women has a right to dress themselves to look the best however some women have a problem with this. The women who took out the time to make themselves look decent in the public eye is now “stuck up or “that b***h think she bad”. You never hear another women give her props. I mean it goes even further than that with women who participates in this light skinned dark skinned drama. We all are black or african american whatever u prefer to call it. It’s all hating and its crazy amongst the black women. I mean next time u see a women out there with her best on just tell her ” I like that” and I guarantee u her attitude will change and so will yours.
women are backstabbers
here’s some news for you good and just people.
WOMEN DONT LIKE EACH OTHER. lol.
it doesnt matter the race fore i have seen them all in action. then again i’ve yet to hear asian and indian women go at it. they have the secret and you ladies need to take from after them.
I wonder why stars in the word B. Y. P. A. S. S. that’s ridiculous.. the censorship is taking it too far. I didn’t use profanity in my comment, another thing we as black people need to stop doing..[in my opinion].
I don’t look like Beyonce, Gabrielle Union or anyone close, I’m just me, and I don’t walk around like my stuff don’t stink, so I have to admit, that I agree with this article wholeheartedly. Being an African American woman, I can’t honestly say it happens with other races, or even with black men, I can only speak on my own experiences. My mother taught me to care about the way I look when I leave the house, and take pride in myself. I have personally noticed on several occasions, black women rolling their eyes my way, or just mean mugging for no other reason apparently than my appearance. After all, these women don’t know me from Eve, they don’t know what kind of person I am. I think the women who are saying it’s not true, are in denial or are the ones who are possibly guilty of it. I’ve often seen a woman who I would like to give props too on her hair or outfit, shoes, whatever, but she may have a stank, look about her, not approachable or open at all, as so many of as aren’t, so I just bypass and keep it movin’. On the other hand when I have ventured to give a compliment on someone’s hair for instance, they might give me a look that says “because you like it, I’m better than you” and run their fingers though their hair, or swing it a bit more, just be humble take the compliment with style and grace…it’s not necessary to make people jealous or envious, they didn’t have to say anything in the first place. This is something that doesn’t happen often, but enough to notice.. I’m a humble, modest person, and where I’m from in the South, growing up, people where friendlier to one another, and I’m sure there were haters, but it’s just ridiculous these days. Either the women feel threatened by another that they’ll try to get their man, or they just feel they don’t add up appearance-wise, or who knows, what other insecurities might be behind it, maybe just blatant jealously. I have cousins who won’t hang with single cousins because they don’t trust their man…I think that’s their issue, and they need to deal with it. It’s all completely unnecessary, maybe one day we’ll give each other props, instead of immediately eye rolling or mean mugging, it’s not that serious. Other races have more of a sisterhood than we do, yet we’ve refer to ourselves as “sisters”. Definitely, something to think about.
The Black woman is just like the typical black man…full of jealousy and envy. While the black man will kill his brother for what he doesn’t have, the black woman will back-stab or slander her friend.
I THINK THAT MOST BLACK PEOPLE R PULLED APART BECAUSE OF SLAVERY. WE WERE TAKIN AWAY FROM OUR FAMILIES AND SOLD. WE COULD NOT EAT TOGETHER AS A FAMILY SOMETIMES. WE HAVE HATE BECAUSE OF WHAT HAS BEEN TO US IN THE PAST AND THAT HATE WILL TAKE SOMETIME TO HEAL. WHEN EVERYBODY STARTS TO TREAT US ALL THE SAME I THINK THAT WILL MAKE THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD. PEOPLE JUST NEED TO PUT THE PAST BEHIND THEM AND LET GO AND THIS GOES FOR ALL RACES. WHEN THE KKK IS GONE THEN THINGS MITE GET BETTER. WE CAN ALL GET ALONG ALL WE HAVE TO IS LOVE OURSELVES FIRST AND HOW CAN WE DO THAT WHEN WE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN BROUGHT DOWN. WE HAVE TO BRING EACH OTHER UP AND GO FROM THERE.
lol yeah, they get along long enuff to be phony to one another……wait, thats ALL women.
I am so glad that someone finally got the nerve to post an article such as this, because this is a problem among us black women. We do hate each other, and be at each other’s throats. This s**t needs to stop, but there has to be more than one black woman willing to analyze “the woman in the mirror for change”.
yea there’s haters in every race, but it’s even worse in blacks not just the ladies, but the fella’s too. if you think and feel that you are the best, then there’s no room for hatin………
i dont think this is just a race thing. i think ladies just hate each other we are always worried about what other ladies have one what they doing what their hair looks like. we gossip so much about whats wrong with other people and we never take to time and look at our self’s
This comes into play with women in general not just black women. Sisterhood is scarce among all women. We have to face it…some people just don’t get along. It doesn’t mean that we should go around putting each other down. That’s when things get ugly. There’s just too much hatred in the world in general. We don’t need to focus on a particular race or gender but on humanity as a whole.
Yes i agree with Brandon 100% people hate on each other regardless of race or gender when people hate it just shows there own insecurities i can recall one time when i was out with some of my girlfriends and we notice these two girls that where very beautiful and one of my friends said look at this b***h and i looked at my friend and then looked at the girl and i was like whats wrong with her and she replied i don’t like her and i was like you don’t even know her to not like her as she continued to talk about the girl it just showed me how insecure she was about her own looks i just think with black women and basically most women and men in general its jealousy and self esteem issues.
bull crap…….everything ain’t about the black women or black man……this is so old………..and tired…..every race has issues……..just tired of hearing the same thing over and over!yes these things happen everyday………..tell us something that we don’t know.
I’m glad this taking place because now we can see the evil of black b***hes.So that they wont be look at as queens an fools can open their eyes an stop putting these b***hes on a pedestal because all b***hes evil of whatever race.
People as a whole hate on each other, regardless of the race or gender. I really don’t worry bout what the next person is doing. I ain’t on that level for a reason, whether if the level is higher or lower. God placed me on the level I’m on for a specific reason. If somebody is on a higher level, I congradulate them rather than hate, and strive to reach that level. If someone is on a lower level, I try to help them strive to reach higher. There’s really no need in hatin, it really don’t get you anywhere. All it does is let others know that you ain’t matured yet, and that you’re damn near on a rock bottom level, so you hate on others to make yourself feel better. Just smile when you know someone is hatin on you… It just means that you’re probably doin somethin right