Recession Sex Is Healing (Sexless Marriage Series, Part 4)
Men and women desire respect and love. However, if men had to choose between the two, they would have a difficult time because for them the two are interconnected. A man who feels respected feels loved. You can tell your husband all day long that you love him – and that’s a good thing. But he would probably rather know that you respect him. How do you show respect? There are some obvious ways – speaking lovingly to him – not talking down to him, refusing to call him out of his name, building him up in private and in public – not putting him down to others, allowing his decisions to stand instead of second-guessing him, trumpeting his successes instead of broadcasting his failures – these are but a few. Probably one of the most effective way to show respect for your husband is by having sex with him often and enthusiastically.
I have heard people say that men’s desire for sex is a result of the fall. That in their fallen state, they constantly think about sex, and need if often. I don’t think that is true. I believe that the destructive expression of that God-given desire is evidence of a fallen nature. And more importantly, I am convinced that a healthy married woman, who deliberately starves her husband for sex is likely operating in the realm of the demonic. Think about it, God invented both marriage and sex. It was he who brought Eve to Adam and gave them the command to be fruitful and multiply. The fact that the world has perverted sex by taking it outside the realm of marriage, does not change the fact that God made sex for marriage. If you are married, you should be having sex with your spouse. If you are not, there is a problem. Only one person is glorified by a sexless marriage – and it is not God.
Listen to Shaunti Feldhahn, author of “For Women Only: What You Need To Know About The Inner Lives of Men,” as she explains what she has learned in her own words.
Part 1
Part 2
Married sex is an effective balm for many ailments. A couple who has argued and made up can find additional comfort in make-up sex. When tragedy strikes, the grief-stricken can find solace in a lover’s embrace. Likewise, when money is funny and change is strange, the afflicted male bread-earner can find additional courage in knowing that his spouse still finds him desirable.
I know for many women in financial crisis, sex is the last thing on our minds. However, it would be wise to be aware that the opposite may be true for our husbands. One of the best ways a woman can boost her husband’s esteem is to communicate to him that she still finds him sexually desirable. A man with the worst job ever, or with no job at all can face a hostile office, or begin his job-search with renewed vigor if he feels assured that wifey thinks he’s hot and will be waiting to prove it when he gets home.
We women must understand that our sexuality is a gift for the husband God has given us. That many of us have abused and misused our gift outside of marriage is a sad fact, but not a permanent hindrance to a healthy married sex life. If you were sexually active outside of marriage, you were disobedient to God. If you are not sexually active enough in your marriage – guess what? You are still being disobedient. Before your disobedience becomes rebellion, take the time to confess your sin (yes, it is sin) to the Lord, and ask him to heal you in this area. Obviously if you have been abused or molested, then you should seek help anyway. But if you are not abused or have not suffered abuse, then it is time seek deliverance.
At a time when many people, particularly husbands who want to provide for their families, are feeling the bite of the current recession, anything free is a plus. But a gesture from your wife, that affirms you as a man, reminds you that you are loved and appreciated, that soothes and celebrates all at once – can’t be beat. And the last time I checked – it’s still free. So ladies, if you are reading this article, and you know that you have been out of order, confess and repent, then go minister to your husband as only his wife can.
I pray that God blesses your efforts!
Other Articles In the “Sexless Marriage Series”
Married Women Need To “Give It Up” – (Sexless Marriage Series Part 1)
Five Ways To Prepare For Sex (When You Ain’t Feelin’ It) – (Sexless Marriage Series Part 2)
Too Tired For Sex? Kill That Noise (Sexless Marriage Series Part 3)
Other Related Articles:
To All Of My Beautiful Black Brothers: You Are Loved And Appreciated
Gentlemen, Learn To Look Past The Booty
The Best Sex Of My Life: A Guide To Purity
Life-Giving Habits Worth Developing In 2010
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Comments
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Women spend so much time trying to figure out the mind of a man! There are numerous articles, television shows, books, etc… These types of literature have been in exsistence for years! The content constantly changes back, and forth! The “we had that wrong, but this is what it really is”, type attitude forms! We even get hit with, “God said a man is supposed to take care of his household”, thrown at us! And will get an attitude if asked what it says about wifely duties! I hear alot of women saying, “they control the sex in the relationship!” If you really controlled the sex, don’t you think your man wouldn’t be able to think about anyone else, when it comes to sex?! A man doesn’t need sex to boost his ego! A man needs sex because women were created for us! As such man was given the gift to love for his woman! But, we can’t do that, when our women constantly tell us what we are really thinking! But, when we do the same, we’re greeted with attitude! And, the “you can’t think for me” begins being said! I saw another article talking about recession sex, except its focus was women! It went on to say during a recession, women crave sex more than ever! So who are we to believe here?! If you want to know what a man is thinking, ask him! Can a man tell you how to be a woman?! Heck no! So why are women constantly trying to tell a man, how to be one! You all don’t want us to be men! You want us to be able to take care of every litte whim of yours! You get what you give! When we spend too much time, trying to figure out someone else’s mind, our own gets lost, then your last words will be “I THOUGHT!”
this has been a conversation since the beginning of time. i agree to a point. respect is a big issue in life for all. its all about taking the time to find the right man or woman to be in your life, forever. not just getting with someone “just because”. just sit back, relaxe and be patient. the right man will come along.
Good post! Now if only we good women can find those good men! Thanks for emailing this to me.
Enough said!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all i can say is wow to this arguement im going thru a divorce as we speak and these were the two biggest reasons that i went out of marriage to find that although i was a sin i asked my wife and begged her for both of those vey things i just didnt know they went hand and hand this a very enlightening artical WIVES PAY ATTENTION THANKS DENNIS
Dear Sister,
I’m glad that you mentioned
The Lord’s 1st Commandment: “Be
fruitful and multiply”. And Adam’s
declaration to Eve,”Therefore
shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh.”
I will probably be a bacholor until the rapture,but I do think that Proverbs 31 is one of the best things that a wife
can do:”Give her of the fruit of
her hands; and let her own works
praise her in the gates.”
I also think that the couple might profit from reading the Song of Songs to each other, each reading the man and woman’s parts to each other…
“Behold Thou art fair my love, there is no spot in thee.”
Brother James,the lesser of two weevils.
Where is that woman? Of course there is no commanding it, just being patient and wait.
Thank you so much for posting this article, which hits home because I am a truck driver and I stay out on the road 3 to 4 months at a time, then visit my father for a few days, then back on the road….Sex (or lack thereof) is a very big issue in the trucking industry, though no one talks about it. There aren’t many options for a single man. If you don’t have a girlfriend or wife at home, then one either lines up a string of women (usually truck stop waitresses) in several cities, or there is the infamous “lot lizzard”. Neither of those options is “safe”. Moreover, it is difficult to get out and meet women “on the road”. I’ve been trying to find a special woman to become my driving partner, but they are either scared to drive the truck or don’t want to live on the road. I’m a good, healthy man with a plan (and doing well….) Surely there is a woman out there for me that can fill this missing, yet vital need.
Please give us more. Your article was wonderfully and clearly written. I enjoyed it very much. As an unmarried woman, this article gives insight to married life. I hope to be married one day and when I do, I will know that sex is not a treasure that you can give and take away as some sort of punishment. Years ago, I lived with a man as husband and wife. I found that even in times when we disagreed we still had sex. Sometiimes, much to my surprise, after sex, he would still be angry. However, my point is that I never withheld. Conversely, I have a friend at work who claims to be saved but tells US (the women at work) that she doesn’t give her husband sex unless it’s payday. I think that is wrong on so many levels. But I never told her that. Thanks for your info
I found the information I’ve read to be so real. I’ve found my self in that position before and it feels so good to see that someone sees it from my point of view. If you have anymore reading material that is as informative and insightful as what I’ve read. I would love to read more.
infact u. a really a sexy babe i love u,pls. send ur, no. to me thanks
may de good lord blss u ,fr de word of truth dat god use u to let us kw.i need more god word fr u,it bring healing to my soul,i love u sis
very enlightening sheeri, every married women should read this…pray 4 the Christian man who is trying 2 do right…but caught up in such a situation…i know …the knife cuts both ways…but what u are speaking…SPEAKS VOLUMES…may God continue to use u…
good article
i would like to know more about this game
Thank you for the article, I will share it with my wife. Too many married couples make mistakes when it comes to sex and marriage.
wow! never thought of it like that….give me more..intresting……
SEX is the most natural thing that occurs between a man and woman; irrespective of marriage. Marriage is not the only right place for sex. Long before there was the institution of MARRIAGE; there was SEX and it was beautiful then and it’s beautiful now. Most people have less SEX in MARRIAGE; then they did when they were not married.
The main focus of any relationship is based on love. Sure people will make love, but the main concept is doing the right thing for the right reasons. We need more real love and respect for who and whaT WE ARE IN LIFE.
We just had this discussion about sex on facebook. BJ Murphy post. It was about the brother and his girlfriend who were shot dead. I didn’t know at the time- because watching the news is depressing. My brother filled me in. Some Christians from my POV seem very harsh or hardhearted in their treatment of this situation. They seem almost glad about it.
WISH THEY KNEW..
Very intersting but as you get older you learn to do without either.
I must say first I agree and respect your point and it is adorable from both God’s and our own side, actually if people just follow what God guides us to, the world can be very peaceful and enjoyable for everybody, though there are many saying out that’s God’s words or just give an excuse to be forgiven, or to easy to wear his or her pretentious mask in public, I agree it is a woman’s gift for man, and it is man’s gift for woman too, the importance is to find the right one, or it is going to be the worst hurt for many people especially both of the couple. How to find right one, it is not as easy as saying, especially in this eyes material world.
After being couple, I agree, marriage is a management need wisest brain and heart and energy and time in this world, and both love and marriage is a belief for both of a couple. I’ve heard many couple said that, they are modern humans, they don’t need religion or belief, they are independent, so they are together if they are happy, or separate if they are not, it is very easy, so sex before or after marriage is not a problem, so comes the question, why we need marriage.
Especially marriage need respect, for both, in heart, there was a story about a couple, they love each other deeply and when the food is ready, the lady would lift the dishplate till her eyebrown and served her husband, and he too will appreciate and helped her to dress up, it was a view, but respect is from heart and since they would start from the beginning as boyfriend and girlfriend, there is no try at all in relationship, respect is to accept or understood and support and please and care about each other, it may happen naturally but it needs to be true, though it’s lucky to have that.
After all that, then sex, there were married middle aged men complained about their women don’t sex them, and there are men too look after their ill women without it, so nobody’s false, it is just if he or she is your destiny, if yes, sex is holy and amazing, if not, sex is sin and worst awkward.
I loved this article.You said some really interesting things,but what does ‘recession sex’ has to do with all of it.Did I miss something?
Well done. Bravo!
I agree! Ladies.. I say we all get 2gether and sex our way through these tough economic times! Better times will arise! (as well as other things!);-)
I am not married, but I know it is true b/c as a single woman I feel the same way. Men are not the only ones who need that affirmation by sex and going through a recession all by your lonesome is a very difficult thing to do.
very interesting and very very true!!!
BRAVO FOR CHANGING THINKING!!!
You make some very interesting points and as a matter of fact, I agree with most of them. I love the perspective you bring to this topic and I plan to share it with my married girlfriends. Thanks!!
Inmorality through our imperfection is what causes these destructive expressions as you pointed out so eloquently. Sex can be good and it can be bad used for inmoral purposes as the angels in Noah’s day knew all too well creating Nephilim offsprings. It’s true when you say the world has perverted sex. One common tool Satan uses in this medium we are know using to exchange ideas, the internet. sorry I get off subject..nice post although as we know there are exceptions for the wife. As you may know women as well as men might have a physiological or psychological problem(s) that might hamper their sex life, that’s when true love comes in, as depicted in 1 Cor.13:1-9 : )
I like that it was deep I want more give me more is that posiable?
Your inteligent deep wright and bu T ful your husband must be happy i’ve never seen a woman hit the nail on the head so precise im so blowed away
i really appreciate your comment on Recession sex healing, pls i will like to know more about it. as a youth is it appropriate to ve sex b4 marriage and iwill like to ve your support in praying for me or to be my prayer partner, and also to be informing the latest gospel music in America. thnx