This Man Loves You, Not Your Weave Or Your ‘Fro
When single people are talking about what they’re attracted to in a mate, there will, inevitably, be talk of hair. Now, some of you may be “looking at me” thinking, “You mean blonde or brunette?” Not quite. Yes, that’s a conversation too, but I’m referring more specifically to weaves, pieces, wigs, short, long, relaxed, locs, twists, natural, etc. I would say that this conversation would be geared more towards the Black women of the world, but as Kim from the Real Housewives of Atlanta, along with countless other White women have shown us, fake hair is no longer worn exclusively Blacks.
Obviously I can’t speak for other men, so I’ll just speak for myself. What I like is simple: I like whatever works for you. I do have one, just one, caveat — it must look good. I hope you’d want it to look good since it is your hair, but sometimes I see things that make me wonder. I’ll refrain from venturing down that road right now.
So ladies, if you want to rock a weave, you want a short cut, maybe you prefer it relaxed, or like it natural — I don’t care. If it works for you, then it works for me. If you like to weave it in or get extensions, I’m not going to get caught up in wishing you used your own hair; after all, if you pay for it, doesn’t that make it yours? I’m not tripping if you want to shave it off and get it lined up — as long as that looks good on you and you don’t have a lumpy head. You want to get some braids? Do it; I may look at you with the side eye if you’re constantly patting your head when you know you should have gotten something to ease the tension (I’ve heard good things about Doctor Miracle’s Braid Relief). As long as you feel confident with yourself, and look fly, I’m good to go. Do you, Boo.
I know plenty of women who can have a different style every month and they look great with them all. This is more often the exception and not the rule. Most women look good in a few styles; it’s just too bad they don’t know that. Ladies, it’s important to find what works for you, whether it’s eight looks or two, and rock those. Be adventurous from time to time — no harm in that — but understand what works best for your face and body.
However, should you choose to wear hair that is not your own, I would prefer to not be able to immediately spot the fakeness. If I can tell you have a weave, that’s bad. If I can tell you’re sporting a lace-front, that’s not good. If I spot a track, or some string, that’s forgivable; things happen, but it shouldn’t be an everyday occurrence. Now, I’m not a hair connoisseur, so it takes a good bit of “exposure” for me to something “out of place,” but I do have the advantage of being taller than most of the women I know. Believe that I look at the top of your head when I walk behind you (or even next to you), Hey, I’m just being honest.
At the end of the day, ladies, I’m more in love with you than your hair. In my being in love with you, I just want you to look your best, and I hope you would want that for yourself. Oh, and please don’t go broke trying to compete.
[Written by Stuart McDonald for Elev8.com. For more from Stuart, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter]
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Comments
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hi it is enjoy full. i want to with good person .
jacob
Lawyer Marketing
I love my short natural hair. I am a student and a single mother, so its,” get up make sure the child and yourself ate, get dressed and go”.(and in ridiculous record time…the alarm doesn’t always go off!)
As I get closer to graduation each year, I can’t see going back to the curling iron/headband to cover- the- new growth- scarf…
(besides, I think the scarves look better around my neck or shoulders anyway) I’m rocking my natural!
Thank Goodness! After reading the headline, then the story I was ready to give the history on adding hair in any form. I am PLEASED to see that won’t be necessary. Thanks gto all the informed and logically educated folks on this blog for keeping it real. Anyway…what would a white boy know about hair trends and the history. Enough said!
I agree with Newdawn, I have never been able to understand why blacks get stigmatized with wearing hair weaves as if they invented it or started the trend. Wigs were worn by white nobles. It was a sign of wealth and honor. Its not about self-hate, the goal in life is to be happy. Do what makes you feel good, if you can’t get pass a person’s outward appearance I think it says more about you than it does them.
I don’t like to see women with weave, will never date any with weave.
I get into heated debates with people around me when I see them putting chemicals in their daughters hair. I feel thats why so many black women today are bald headed, can’t grow their own hair, because of all the chemicals used since they were babies.
You’ll find more brothas out there with full and long hair than you find in sistas nowadays.
Keep it natural so your daughters won’t suffer later in life.
I don’t like it, but the Chinese manufacturer does.
i hate weaves, unless you count african braids, which i find ok. Theres something wrong about gluing or sowing synthetic hair to your scalp for some reason
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with weaves, but I do however think there is something wrong with self hatred. White women don’t have chemically change the texture of the hair to make a weave look “natural” especially when your going for that “indian hair” look… lol I feel like this, my hair didn’t grow out of my head “relaxed”, and blowing in the wind. My hair, is kinky, nappy, and curly, and I LOVE IT!!!! We have been conditioned to believe we have bad hair, the media, and even our own culture encourages us to hate our hair and change its texture! Our men are now attracted to long flowing relaxed hair because he watches woman like beyonce, nikki maniaj and video vixens with that image telling him who to be attracted to subconsciously! smfh, all I’m saying is at least take the time to ask yourself WHY you want to put this weave, or perm on your scalp before you can answer wether or not there’s something wrong with it.
this atricle says “I see nothing wrong in being a “duplication paper” therefore because of such a “couldn’t-careless” people we have all these beautiful&natural&healthy INDIVIDUALS turning themselves into funny&FAKE&mentally ill carbon COPIES (© errors) unfortunately.
For when people (not talking about those who have to) start wearing wigs (=transforming their apperance) it means they are NOT self-satisfied which is a HUGE problem as NObody can love YOU (for real) as long as YOU are being a FAKE(denying your personal identity).
All copies are bad, because no painter who is worth a straw ever will copy.
There is nothing wrong with weaves, if it makes you feel good about yourself then wear it. The only problem that I have with people who wear weaves are that their head smells because they do not wash their head as often,so if you sweat a lot, then do not wear weaves because it smells real bad and that is what people are talking about your smell not your weave. Wash your head often don’t let a month go by. There are shampoos with moisturizers for all types of hair. Don’t try to just be cute on the outer appearance think about your hygiene and others who have to smell you. You may not notice that your head smells,but trust me other people can smell you. So wash your hair often and wear those cute styles of weave.
Fake hair has never been worn exclusively by blacks. Black people did not invent the weave. I hate these generic statements. Wigs have been around since before the founding of America and I doubt you saw slaves walking around in pieces. Lets get real. Hair weaves have no race. lol
I would like for men to ease up on women’s hair. It’s an issue for us, I’d like for men to allow us to work it out. Half the reason we have these issues is because of the silly standards men have placed upon us. Just leave it alone.