Manolos Vs. Maddens: A Lesson About Why Men Don’t Pursue
Upon talking with a friend the other day, she brought up the question of men and why it seems that we often lack the “pursuit” of women. Where has it gone? Why don’t men pursue women like they used to?
Let me give you a hypothetical situation (one that will probably speak more to the ladies): You’re out shopping. You see a gorgeous pair of shoes. I’m talking about nice shoes — Manolos (for the men, Ferragamos) perhaps. You’re in love with them and would love to buy them, but upon seeing the price, you realize you need to save a little bit before you can afford them. They’re temporarily unattainable. But you can save up and get them. (And oh, will they be worth it.)
Later that week or maybe the same day, you’re out shopping again and you see a pair, perhaps of Steve Madden shoes, that looks nearly identical to the pair you had seen earlier. They’re not exactly the same, but only you’ll be one of the only ones to know the difference. The biggest difference — the Maddens are much cheaper than the Manolos. It’s a pair that you can afford right now, without having to save any money.
Which pair would you buy?
While there are some people who would choose the Manolos (or Ferragamos) over the cheaper alternatives, the majority of folks would take the cheaper pair. However, those who would choose the Manolos, would do so because they understand that there is quality attached to the higher cost; they’re are not just expensive for the sake of being expensive.
If you were paying attention, you probably got the analogy: men don’t want to take the time and invest in the pursuit of a relationship when they know they don’t have to. Why would a man pursue a woman when he can just stand still and let them come to him? To quote a friend, “Why pay for the software, when you can download it for free?”
Women have made it to where men don’t have to pursue to get what they want. This isn’t the case for all the women; let me be clear. However, this is one of those times where a few people “ruin the party” for everyone involved.
There are far too many women giving it up, the men know they can get it easy, and thus it becomes a drain to actually pursue a woman. If women would stop being so “easy,” perhaps things would change. (But I understand that might be asking for a miracle.)
Since I’m sure you’re wondering if all men are like that, let me answer the question for you: Yes. All men, at some point in their lives, want what they can get easily and don’t particularly care about the quality of the “merchandise.” The key is that we can grow out of it; we can mature into an understanding that Manolos are better than Steve Maddens. But not all people understand this. Some just think that you pay more for them and that’s where it ends. Those people don’t have the maturity (or good taste) to realize that there is so much more to a Manolo shoe than an expensive price tag.
Do any “Manolo lovers” still exist? Absolutely. There are still men out there who understand, recognize, and appreciate quality and character. Not all men want a “Steve Madden” or “DSW” type of woman. But you don’t find those men shopping at JC Penny or Sears. You find them shopping at Barneys and Niemans. In other words, you don’t find men looking for quality women in places where the “cheaper” women are readily available. Think about it: have you ever seen some Manolos in DSW?
At the end of the day, the good news is this — you can choose what you’d like to be. If you want to be a women of standard and quality, be that. If you don’t care, that’s fine too. But just understand that it takes a little bit longer to the Manolos to be “sold.” But take care of them, and they’ll last you the rest of your life.
(Author’s Note: I’m not picking on Steve Madden because I think they’re horrible shoes, but compared to Manolo Blahniks, they’re not on the same page. And it sounded good.)
[Written by Stuart McDonald for Elev8.com. For more from Stuart, check out his personal blog, follow him on Twitter, and connect with him on Facebook.]
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Son_of_the_Sun1-27-2010 7:17 pm
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« Previous 1 2 3Mr. McDonald, being someone who used to work in the retail industry I can tell you that your analogy is very entertaining, enlightening and fairly accurate to a degree. However, it also seems a little biased towards the ladies. Yes it’s true that men do not pursue as much (if at all) PARTIALLY because there are other women who won’t make us “Work for IT”. The problem with your analogy is that you automatically assume all men just want “it”. When in fact smart men want “everything” just like women do. Except some of these women make it too difficult to prove that.
Here’s a story for you. I used to work for a fairly big retail store here in New York (A major chain in fact similar to Sak’s but with more attitude….I hated it). I walks this 20 to 30 something year old homeless looking fellow. I’ve seen people ask for change on the train look better than this guy. I watched from my dept as sales person after sales person ignore this guy (I didn;t cause it wasn’t my dept). Finally, a sales person returning from lunch break realized he was a regular customer that he sold to before and helped the guy out. The gent didn’t make any purchase this time, but on average he would spend a couple THOUSAND on purchases. Turns out this young homeless looking guy was RICH. Just like most rich people he doesn’t wear a whole ton of label clothing.
The point I try to make is this. Manolos (In my case Ferregamos) might be lovely, quality shoes. Well worth the work and the wait. BUT NEVER, NEVER EVER ARE THEY WORTH THE ATTITUDE. GIVE ME STEVE MADDEN PERSONALITY OVER A MANOLO SNOB ANY DAY.
Anything that is quality is worth the wait and is worth waiting for..Carry on.
Most of those in the photos aren’t single. i.e. Halle Berry, Janet, Ludacris, Tyra – all have recently admitted or been obviously linked with a significant other.
That said – I agree 100% with the article!! I have been single by choice for a few years now – because I won’t compete with the ‘give-it-up girls’. Its worth the wait though – being with someone who respects your values is priceless.
A WOMBAN HAS TO BE WORTHY OF YOUR TIME, AFFECTION AND ATTENTION, ETC….
IF ALL SHE IS BRINGING TO THE TABLE IS WET P*SSY, SHE’S MORE OF A LIABILITY THAN AN A55ET…
BUSSIN ALL THEM NUTTZ IS DEPLETING YOUR LIFE-FORCE, THATS WHY YOU GO TO SLEEP AFTER YOU BUSS… A MAN’S VITAL-ENERGY IS IN HIS DRAWS, SO DON’T BE SO EAGER TO *WASTE* IT !!!
MARY’S & MAKEDA’S CAN RIDE, BUT THEM DELILAH’S N JEZEBEL’S CAN WALK THE PLANK…..
WE NEED MOOR MOTHER EARTH QUEEN GODESSES 2 WAKE UP AND REMEMBER WHO THEY ARE…
As a 55 year old who’s been there and done that I can say that Lamonte_H has hit the nail on the head.
I’m sorry but I’m getting a little emotional as dudes we need to set our standards high because were the life givers we carry the seeds for a women completion but since society is female base today men been brainwash to overvalue female sexuality as if her ass is made of gold.So some men learn this game an that is to value themselves as men an if the women doesn’t want you that’s her lost not the mans because we carry the seed for procreation an knowledge for a women psychological need.So men need to make women prove themselves forget all that tricking an simping to please women because rejection can lead to suicide as well as I believe stress etc.And since boys are told women are speical etc. We been program in this society to look at women as superior an us as inferior to her.That’s why men are expected to pursue women because its his way of trying to win back his equality with a women because of the myth of the superiority of the female gender.So forget pursing let them come to you becuase your KING not a servant of a women act like a king an women have no choice but to respect a king or either go get her a trick or a weak dude who going to chase a female because of his inferiority complex.That’s why men are scared of successful women too.Its one thing to pursue a women an its another thing deal with a women that likes you for you because pursuing women could give them power an make her put you in a trick bag an break you for money were if she come to think of herself as power.Show a female through your actions that what she got between her kegs dont have power this way.
WHAT THE HELL DOES SHOES COMPARE TO THIS??
On a stand point on both ends this topic is a bit one sided and cant be blamed on all to a female.How about the guy with good game that doesnt know what protection is who makes babies? females like to go gay or just use toys in order not to be bothered by men. Myself, i dont like to pursue because of games.Also having to bend over backwards to prove i am different then the average male. All i see is good females with broke nobody guys when they can have so much better.If i could blame anything on a female it would be lack of judgment.
I cant do the single mom thing anymore because of the hold of the baby daddy drama that follows.So on top of trying to pull my resume on a female i have to deal with the guy who didnt have to.
It makes a man wonder why must i go threw all that when other guys use typical game, money or drugs to get the most ideal females.
If a female wants to be pursed as high value, they need to be more cautious on the men they meet or date and know their own value.
I thinks because some woman think they are Manolo and in fact aren’t even Madden’s . More like Payless. Men like quality and believe it or not. It shows through sooner than most woman think. Every woman think they are a good woman when in fact some are very flawed. And It shows through.
More woman need to take stock of them selves.(And be honest with yourself). I know it may be hard to admit your just a plain old Hushpuppie a comfortable shoe. And not a 900.00 Stiletto.
So when a Gentleman approaches you ladies. Spear us the attitude. There is to many women out there to deal with your baggage. And even if your a Manolo. Who is the top of the line @ Macy’s, another you can be found at the Outlet Mall at 30% off.
Men don’t pursue women these days because its a waste of time. Damn near every woman you approach is gone turn her nose up and think she is too good for you (or act like she doesn’t even see you like you don’t even exist) because the media says that you are more than likely a no good nygga.
Women always talk about wanting to actually go out and do something instead of sitting at home for a date. Well, the men that are cultured enough to actually want to take you to a play and to Benihana’s, Ruth Chris, or Fogo de Chao, you pass on. The guy that speaks 3 languages and has studied abroad and REALLY makes 80k or more because he’s in R&D for a fortune 500 corporation, is too square for you at first glance so you miss out.
Its almost like, if your not an entertainer, an athlete or if you don’t resemble Boris Kodjoe or Idris elba, women feel like their just “settling” for you. I know its this way cause I know a bunch of average guys that would cherish a woman but don’t have one for the reasons that I mentioned in the first paragraph.
In REAL life, the guys that get all the girls are entertainers, athletes, and the homeboys of entertainers and athletes. If your just a nygga that most women deem to be super cute because you look like you might be mixed with something like Tj Houshmanzada, you’ll probably get a bunch of chicks too. But as far as the rest of us that are either still on the grind or just don’t have model worthy looks, you gotta wait til the entertainers, athletes, homeboys of the entertainers and athletes, Boris Kodjo and Idris Elba look-a-likes, and mixed looking azz nyggas like TJ Houshmanzada break womens hearts and make them humble before they’ll think about giving you a chance.
All most girls want to do anyway is go to the club and try and get into VIP so they can rub shoulders with so called famous nyggaz so they can take pictures with them and keep they fingers crossed the whole time hoping he’ll ask for their number.
And famous nyggaz don’t even take girls out. All they do is give them tickets to they events or invite them to VIP and have sex with them afterwords.
Word to the wise: Men, get rich, famous, or both as soon as you can and you wont have to worry about this madness. You’ll be deemed a good man even if you aren’t one and you get all the girls either way.
“u hustling backwards if you chasing a bytch, might as well chase money….they come with chit”
P.S. just kidding
Another bullshyt BlackPlanet topic created to stir controversy, cause conflict
create division, MEN vs WOMEN bullshyt, dark skin VS light skin, mixed dating vs finding a Black mate bullshyt thats destroying society
New Year and same blackplanet bullshyt, and the drama Black man-hating-queen and women-hating-kings are eating it up.
Controversy sells, and Black people seem gullible, eating the bait.
Only in America ( and other european created society ) you have women demanding equality, but expect a man to do shyt that they can do for themself,
embarassed to approach a man first because “America” says its a “gentlemans” position to approach. SMMFH
Equal rights but not equal responsibility.
finisher – I could not have said it better!
It’s a numbers game folks. The pursuit is still there, but the need to pursue every woman with the same amount of energy isn’t necessary.
Not to really make this a racial issue, but seeing that the writer of the article is white, his take and my take on this issue may not match up. His analogy is decent, but maybe not representative of why BLACK MEN don’t pursue BLACK WOMEN.
It’s a numbers game, not necessarily a quality issue.
A lot of brothas are locked up, creating a disparity in the first place. How many brothas who don’t have their act together, go in and out of jail throughout their early adult years? In any particular area, you may have 75 black men for every 100 black women. So that means that 25 of you will always be left out.
Look at the typical HBCU. 65% female . . . 35% male. The males who are the most desirable to the women simply have to pick and choose whomever they want. Or, they just sit back and watch the women approach them, because the number of men on campus are so limited. If the female doesn’t take the initiative to go after the man she wants, she may miss out on him altogether.
65 brothas for every 100 sistas. So on the typical HBCU, 35 women will be left out.
Fast forward 10 years after college.
What’s the big issue amongst black women with college degrees? The lack of men with college degrees for them to date. Once again, it’s a numbers game. A limited number of educated brothas for the educated females. So the females sits back and wait for that quality man to approach. But while she’s waiting, some other educated woman is making the move herself to get that man’s attention. So the female in waiting is always in a perpetual state of waiting.
For brothas in their 30s, the game IS kind of “easy”, to be honest. We not only have our choice of women in their 30s, we also can go upward to women in their early to mid 40s, or lower to women in their mid to late 20s ( if they’re attracted to older men ).
It’s a numbers game as to why men don’t pursue as hard now, as men may have in the past. Not a quality issue.
Brothas be like the lion in the savannah, looking at all of the wilderbeasts walking around. All the lion has to do is wait for the herd to come his way . . . then STRIKE !!!
Man, this really “gets to me” and i gots 2 throw my 2 cents in there: First of all, today’s women ( especially the younger ones ) prefer the THUG over the GENTLEMAN and, YES, the media’s partially to blame! So what do these women want? A FIGHTER who will defend their honor? A LOVER who will always cater to them? Or a “show-off” PIMP that other women boast about, to get special attention from their jealous rivals? I was raised to be a GENTLEMAN and i have been taken advantage of by golddiggers AND typical ladies, who always want MORE than what’s there….I understand that GOOD women STILL exist but LOVE & FAITH have very different meanings.
Most women today just have so many high expectations of a man these days. You gotta have a education/career making a certain amount of money, drive a high priced car, own a home,have a athletic build like a NBA/NFL Athlete,good looks, have a big package and have to know how to please a woman,gotta be a good cook, have no kids,have some thug in you cant be a punk but also be a gentlemen and respectful and etc……. I see why Men stop pursuing, thats just too many standards to live up too, it’s less hassle and easier to be chosen by a woman rather than going after them.
lol Most women aren’t bringing nearly that much to the table compared to what they demand. Most think having a great Body/V****a and being able to deepthroat compared to what a man they ask bring cancels each other out.
I think everything should be 50-50 as relationships are concerned. Men or Women shouldn’t have to settle for less as far as in finding a mate. Educated women with careers shouldn’t have to settle for bum ass niggas with no goals and just sit around all day, and Educated men with careers shouldn’t settle with bum ass b***hes who dont have s**t to offer other than sex. But my thing is, you cant demand and expect somebody to be this and that when you’re not doin the same yourselves.
You cant be a fat/bum ass ugly man with no career living at home expecting your woman to make 100 k with Halle Berry looks. Same as the women, you can’t be a fat/bum ass ugly woman with 3 kids living in ya mommas house with nothing going for yourself and demand your man to be the complete opposite of you with the descriptions i listed above. Thats some fantasy world type of s**t.
Why do todays girls think you are too easy, its a hassle to have to deal with most girls we have to listen to all the bullshyt an drama, when the only thing that interests us about the particular girl is the draws.
Not how all guys want it(some guys DO only want fuk partners for life tho), alot would rather real meaningful relationshipss at some point but girls make it the way it is by their overall idealogy. i dont know how yall women dont see it. we think more logical girls more emotional, and neither side is taught to recognise this and meet in the middle, girls are taugh a guy is supposed to bend to their will and desires(but girls NATURALLY want a guy who is strong and in control–jus not necessarily control-ing), and guys are taught to bend(atlthough naturally we are leaders in the family structure) but most are like ‘fuk that’ after seeing that doesnt work out and is lame, except for the losers, they usually end up in unfullfilling relationships filled wit drama that end in ruin. the backwards gender role sabotage the relationships, you can beat your own nature God established the household order for a reason according to how we were made, but women’s movement saught to overturn God’s decision and surprise suprise the shyt now results in record failed marraiges and broken households
plus most girls are SOO typical its hard to find anyone thats not ‘assembly line’ quality, why go out of your way and pursue something so bland and unsatifying
All she cares about is that He has a big private she says, and is tuff acting. I know that as men we must be strong, and when you grow up in the getto things can be hard. However, the real purpose of man is to protect the women, and children to if need be lay down our life to protect them not to dominate them.
If you pursue most women will act like they don’t want to be pursued, or you might get sued. Girls don’t even want a man to give them a complement anymore, or they are a rapist. I have asked plenty of girls at one time in my life for their number, and most of the black women were ether too “busy” to be in a relationship (like a man is a burdern), or they weren’t looking for the nice guy. This is really media brain washing that makes them want what they don’t need. No women needs a man who is going to beat, them, mistreat them, belittle them. Beyonce tells the young women she want’s a thug, in the song,”Soldier”.
Well it’s not that we don’t pursue, but now a days not to many girls respect the good guy. If you are a man of God you are looking for a virtuous women of God so you won’t just go for anything. Also if you are a gentleman you wont come at a girl spitting game, but you will just ask her out nicely for a bite to eat, or something without asking for anything in return (as far as sex). This is what a man of God does, but that media has made men like this who are decent look like weaklings. In order to be a man you have to be a thug. If you aren’t a thug who is mistreating your lady then you are seen as gay, or a child. No one values a decent man anymore, with a child like heart. Look what the media did to Michael, look how Jesus Christ (The God man, The strongest man of all who died for us all) is portrayed as a weakling.
Hey yal are the ones who said we are equals, so pursue MEN for a change lol
But serious, women perception of MEN and REALITY is warped, gender roles have changed dramatically and while women still have natural tendencies on what they want they are taught against those tendacies making pursuing girls in the old ways not worth the hassle. so guys dont pursue we jus take it casual and if you want ins, are really wanting male company and companionship you’ll playball, if you not, then the NEXT will playball–
Thats how guys are nowadays. its only womens OVERALL(because of course not ALL women think the same jus MOST think similar because of similar culture and doctrine) idealogy and ways in thinking and dealing with men that is to blame, guys only react equally to women’s actions. Girl too passive, guy becomes domineering. Girl act like guy, guy acts like b***h. Simple science. Men arent machines and girls today for some reason think we should revolve around them with no ideally MALE goals of our own. Thats tiring and not to mention unsatifying so now guys jus put up minimal effort and take it casual so its no real loss if it doesnt work out. Girls ponder this subject when it would be obvious if you didnt think so one sided.
ok i agree with most of stuart’s comments but i feel men are getting tired of chasing women who dont know when the game ends, or like that pair of expensive shoes he’s talking about, once you get it, u wear it a couple time then u put it in the back of the closet or back in the box cause you realize it’s not something you can wear everyday or wasn’t worth the money, so you go get the shoes that are more comfortable, sometimes cheaper, and something u can wear everyday. so i think that’s why sometimes we go for the easy chick, cause most of the time that easy chick fits what we are looking for
sex. so dont get mad at the game just pick the right guy to play it with and hopefully in the end u are worth all the trouble you are putting that guy thru cause all he want anyway is sex. 100 percent of men are looking for either sex or finicial gain. dating a woman is an investment so once it’s time to cash in woman make it worth his while 
Well as far as I’m concerned, I love pursuing a woman, but most have very bad attitudes. Here I am a Math Professor, and professional musician, a homeowner, with no kids, nice looking, with great morals and ethics, and I can’t get a girl. My game is great, but I’m sensitive. I do have my successes but I’m not satisfied..
I can just say “hello” to a woman and not “what’s good shorty” and she gives me look like I’m sc** of the earth. So I rebel and refrain from trying to talk to a woman..
So women (especially black women) get your attitudes together and look approachable and smile or at least seem happy and a nice gentleman will approach you..
Mr. MacDonald you are somewhat correct but you are very far from the main truth and reason…it’s more than just cause of it being easier and not taking the time, it is due to views on both parts. Men need to stop looking for a quick lay and women need to stop looking for the perfect Mr. Right to marry….COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY! (POINT BLANK)
I think the analogy is proof of a larger problem. we are obsessed with the superficial. Its easy, it looks good, and it doesn’t take much work. Women are obsessed with it, so are men. We both look for something superficial while trying be substantive and when we end up not happy.