What If The Sex Is Bad? Does A Christian Have Options?
As you’ve probably guessed from the title, I’m going to talk about sex. More specifically, I’m going to talk about Christians having sex. Yes, Christians talk about sex and their having it and their not having it. We talk about it because it’s an issue we, along with most everyone else, face. If you’re not interested in sex in any way, shape, or form, or interested in hearing or talking about it, you’ll want to leave now.
Well, since you’re still here…
Single, unmarried Christians should not be having sex. For any reason. Period. There are no exceptions.
Any time Christians make mention of being engaged or newly married, there’s often an underlying tone of excitement about finally being able to have sex after (hopefully) abstaining from it for so long. With the excitement comes inherent, underlying expectations about what the sex will be like. Now obviously, as Christians, we shouldn’t be “test driving car ”before we “buy it,” but if we can’t drive it beforehand, how do we know how well it works? What if there are kinks in it? Or things that don’t suit our preferences?
In other words: How can we know what the sex will be like before we get married? How do we know if they’ll be able to satisfy us?
Really, we can’t live by God’s plan and know ahead of time what to expect from the sexual aspect of marriage.
Let us consider this: if we enter marriage as virgins, as God intended, we’d have nothing — good or bad — to compare our sexual experiences to. However, the reality is that most Christians aren’t virgins; they’ve had sex before. Perhaps it was when they were saved, perhaps when they weren’t — that’s not important — the fact is that those types of memories are hard to forget. Especially because they’re pleasurable and plentiful.
So what happens if, when we get married and consummate the relationship with intercourse, the sex doesn’t measure up as we’d hoped? What if we have memories of more skilled sexual partners that we’re constantly comparing our spouse to? What do you do if you get married to someone you love with all your heart, someone you’re convinced is the person God has ordained for you, and the sex is horrible? Can they be taught to be better or is it just what it is and there’s no changing them? Does divorce, which should never be an option for Christians, become an option?
I don’t know; I don’t have the answer here. But I do know this: we’ve obviously strayed (very far) from the idea of holding onto our virginity until marriage, and as with all sin, fornication has consequences that must be dealt with; this is one of those consequences.
Ultimately, it comes down to this: Are you willing to divorce someone because they’re bad in bed? While I’m sure people have divorced for lesser offenses, we, as Christians, must hold ourselves to a higher standard (although the Christian divorce rate says we’ve failed in this area). You could rationalize this and say it’s a deeper issue than that but it’s really not; does sex make or break a marriage?
[For more from Stuart McDonald, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter]
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Comments
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First of all how did this turn into a Bible Bashing/ Christian Bashing/ Racial Issue???? There is something about sex before marriage for Christians. 1. Sex is suppose to be a commitment between to people. 2. It is the joining of two souls; hence, the term soul tying. 3. Sex is more than just sticking your p#$ni@ into a p*&sy it is a connection that you have with that person for the rest of your life. 4. Marriage is a ministry, it is not just for procreation, to achieve financial stability or to move up on the social ladder. Do Christian’s get divorced? Yes! There are a myriad of reasons but most have to do with not waiting on God to send you the person that you should be; which leads to other issues such as sexual incompatibility, verbal and physical abuse. And I am quite sure someone will want to argue about the soul tying comment but it is scientifically been proven. As for “test driving” you can test drive all you want but even if that person meets you sexual standards doesn’t mean they will meet other criteria. So test driving just gives people an excuse to continue sleeping around.
The reason people want test drives is because they are selfish and impatient and want every thing NOW. i got married without having sex with my wife. and the beauty of waiting is discovering her body and learning excatly how she wants it the way she needs it. no im not perfect in the bed but i’m learning her and its getting better every time we go at it. Sex is one of those things that can be worked on not just dumped because you didn’t get it right the first time. it it aint great THEN MAKE IT GREAT ya’ll are so lazy in the bed anyway talking all that trash. half of ya’ll want instant gratification and satisfaction and YOU barely do every thing right. you can barely love ONE woman the right way but have the nerve to want to hit other chicks.
i have an idea instead of tryna test drive every car…oops i mean woman why dont you find ONE woman and be the best LOVER SHE HAS EVER HAD instead of taking you week lazy game to as many woman as possible.
woman thats for you too. TEST DRIVE THAT!!!
You know, they post articles like this……for simple fact that majority ( more than 50%) of the Black American cultural community are “Christians”. That’s what mass- ah planned 315 years ago!!! I agree with “2good2bsingle” and “CaliFemme23″ commentary (s) and ….shall I add: The Pastor will visit your house, mainly to service your wife (a holy stiffie time)if he get wind of marital relations problems…Deacons are know to feel up women, during that fellowship greeting ritual period, or whatever they call it??? Single 30 plus y/o s males prowl the church for there next stick…Cougars pace the aisles with lusting eyes for a young stiffmiester… And “stomachshifter” hit the nail dead center..test drive… test drive… test drive!!! that “aCe”!!!
who writes this retarded s**t and who approves for it to be posted? nobody has an option. that’s why you gotta test drive the car before u decide to pull off the lot with it
Wow 2good2bsingle and CaliFemme23 sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you both and my prayer is that you both will receive Christ. (Let me recommend 2 books Divine revelation of hell and Divine revelation of heaven. Just check it out for kicks)
As far as sex before marriage, for those who believe we know this is not the way God has set for us, but we all have fallen and come short. There is a way that SEEMS right to man, but in the end it leads to destruction. To those who don’t know Jesus or don’t care to know Him it SEEMS right to have sex before marriage, because the things of God is foolish to those who don’t believe, but for many who choose this path death and destruction awaits them. Jesus said, “I have set before you life and death,”choose life.” Jesus came that we MIGHT have life and have it more abundantly, this includes GREAT sex in marriage. He said MIGHT because some of us are not going to choose Him who is life. What I love about God is that He has given everyone a WILL believer or not. You can do His WILL, in which He has equipped us with everything that pertains to life and Godliness, or we can do things our own way. As far as happiness, you have to choose to be happy. Just because the sex is good doesn’t mean your going to be happy. Okay the sex may be good in the beginning, but later on then what? See that will be the test. If the foundation is not built on God (The Chief corner stone) it will always fail. If you wait till you get married to have sex and its bad, have fun making it GREAT. Oh yeah prayer still works. It works for direction too. If anyone lacks wisdom let him ask God who gives freely. Didn’t God create sex? Who knows your wife or husband better than you? The One who created you in His image and after His likeness. Not to mention there are a lot of sex therapist out there.
Some of yall are too materialistic. You can love some one that doesnt have a job or is not stable. if your looking for a successful partner to begin with your already on the road to failure. And as far as ridiculous standards… would you rather die thinking what if im wrong. or would you rather take a chance thats not only going to benefit your mental health but also your physical health and moral standards to serve God ow who ever he might be to you and leave this earth in a good way and also be saved if there is a God? same mentality as some people say they rather be caught with a gun than without one. Well some people rather be saved or at least be on that path than to be without it and be wrong about it. earth, humans , planets , space it all had to start some where.. think about it.
I FULLY agree with CaliFemme23!! I’m not Religious either and couldn’t be happier about my decision to be an Atheist! Christians (of ALL forms) hold themselves up to the most ridiculous standards based on a Bible that has more violence, segregation, condescending behavior and discrimination than you can imagine! The Bible also not only condones, but also ENCOURAGES slavery (read MORE than just the Crap that your local preacher goes over with ya’ll in Church and you’d know this)!! But back to the point at hand. Sex is natural and a VERY important part of a healthy relationship. Without it, ALL relationships, whether a Marriage or not, WILL fail! [This has been a Public Service announcement]
WELL THAT SUX THAT ORAL SEX IS A FOR OF SODOMY!
Hmmm, Im not a Christian by any stretch of the word and good grief I dont want to be one..BUT since this is Amerikkka…i can post a lil comment…This story is BS, simply because of this…Marriage is supposedly built on the absolute commonality of the two people…in order for marriage to work there has to be success on both parties behalves. You want your mate to be stable in his/her career, education, views on family/child rearing, committment etc…sex is a HUGE part of marriage because its one of the most tantamount ways to be close, gain more trust and show absolute affection…How can one get married if one of these categories is not fullfilled BEFORE hand? I mean would we really marry someone who doesnt have a job, life, home, stability and just HOPE for the best when it comes that time?? excuse my language but HE*LL NO! we would not..so why is sex such a ‘no,no’? Why is sex, THEE MOST natural part of a man and a woman in union so taboo with christians? I think the christian community really needs to step into the year 2009 and realize that sex these days and probably back in the day is just as important to a good marriage as career and communication etc…Thats why christian divorce is up above the clouds, because the community is not operating as it should be for THIS day and age. yeah what was written in the Bible might be how things are supposed to be between man and woman…BUT lets face it..its just not..They need to get over that and let people do what is needed to be SURE that they are marrying and going to be happy with the person whom they have chosen..SEX INCLUDED!!!
couples therapy or retreat, or get over it
I’ve been wanting to know the answer to this question for sooooooo long seriously. I thought reading this would get me at least a little closer to the answer but sadly it didn’t lol….So I guess I’ll still pray on it and figure it out one day