Why Should We Get Married?
I think too often we — whether singles, Christians, whatever — tend to “tag along” with ideas without asking any questions Certain ideas and ways of doing things have just become the status quo. We blindly adopt the “if they’re doing it, I probably should too” ideology.
I would categorize marriage as one of those things. We never really examine if it’s something that’s for us. Instead we just assume it’s the natural next step and right and we fall right in line.
Do we get married because we have legitimate, real reasons, or do we do it just because that’s what society, and especially the church, tell us that we should do? If you get down to the heart of the matter, almost everything that one could do inside a marriage, could also be done outside of a marriage, whether in a committed partnership, or in some cases, just a “regular” relationship.
Having and raising children, for example, while best done with a husband and wife, can also be carried out as long as two loving parents are equally involved in the lives of their children. And with the divorce rate being as high as it is and single parenting being so common, the idea that you have to be married to successfully raise a child can easily be thrown out the window.
Getting married for sex is popular among Christians. While that may not be the only reason, for those Christians who have committed to abstaining from sex while they’re single, you had best believe that thought has crossed their minds as the wedding day approaches. But here again we find something that can be easily accomplished outside of a marriage. It may not be Godly, but it can be done.
These are just two aspects of married life. There’s also the love, support, and companionship that is shared between the husband and a wife. In addition there are countless other things that are crucial to having a healthy, Godly marriage. Yet, honestly, I don’t know that I can come up with one thing that can only be accomplished inside a marriage.
However, that’s a very worldly mindset to have, don’t you agree? God did create marriage. He created it in order that we might perpetuate a Godly legacy through our families and saw that the marriage would be the best means of coming to that end. He did create man and woman to be monogamous, despite what current events and common human behaviors might tell you. We know that a three stranded cord is not easily broken. When those three strands are composed of God, a man, and a woman, each committed to the other wholeheartedly, there is a bond, a covenant that is formed that cannot be broken. That bond is marriage.
There are undoubtedly many singles who have done, and are doing, great things for God. Yet there are special callings and purposes that God has given a married couple as well. They’re things that often cannot be achieved by just one person, but rather require the partnership of marriage in order to fulfill.
So here’s my question for you: why do you want to get married? What purpose or fulfillment would it add to your life that you would not otherwise have? What things do you feel can only be realized within the context of a marriage?
[Written by Stuart McDonald for Elev8.com. For more from Stuart, check out his personal blog and follow him on Twitter]
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MARRIAGE? FROM A SPIRITUAL STANDPOINT AND MY BELIEF, I THINK MARRIAGE CAN BE GOOD FOR THE EDIFYING AND EXEMPLIFICATION OF THE FAMILY STRUCTURE. I BELIEVE THAT MARRIAGE PUTS YOU IN A POSITION TO SHOW YOUR CHILDREN WHAT A FAMILY STRUCTURE CONSISTS OF. MARRIAGE IS NOT THE PROBLEM, THE PROBLEM AS I SEE IT IS THE TWO INDIVIDUALS ENTERING IN MATRIMONY. TWO INDIVIDUALS DEFINE MARRIAGE, MARRIAGE DOESN’T DEFINE MARRIAGE. A LOT OF TIMES PEOPLE MARRY FOR THE WRONG REASONS AND MAINLY OFF OF THE EMOTIONS. I AM IN LOVE WITH HER/HIM, BUT WHAT HAPPENS IF THE EMOTIONS ARE INTERRUPTED IN SOMEWAY? COMMITMENT IS WHAT WILL KEEP TWO PEOPLE TOGETHER, WHEN TWO PEOPLE FALL OUT OF LOVE OR LOSE TRUST, IT IS COMMITMENT THAT PUTS TO PEOPLE IN PLACE TO WORK ON THE ISSUE TO MAKE IT RIGHT AGAIN. JUST MY OPINION AND A LITTLE FOOD FOR THOUGHT. PEACE AND GOD BLESS:)
I bah humbug marriage and see nothing good about it, at least from a man’s prospective. I purposely go against the grain and will never consider marriage on principle because fukk what society thinks. Society don’t pay my bills, my rent, put food in my frig, clothes on my back, put gas in my ride, buy me a new ride when I need one, and wash my azz whenever it needs cleaning. The individual that benefits from marriage is a WOMAN, not a man as during the marriage his entire purpose is catering to his ungrateful, opportunistic wife. A woman is only gonna marry a man if she thinks him to be a good provider, not for the man just being who he is both good and bad. No matter how good of a person you are, your azz is broke, bet no woman is trying to marrying you. Women only wants to marry a man when she smells money and free opportunity and that’s it. When that shyt goes south, several years later it’s time to divorce and get the hell out with half of what she didn’t earn. Mofos don’t marry because of what God intended anymore, it’s all about OPPORTUNITY!! And when that runs out, her trifling azz find her the next sucka dude or a real nicca like me and blow you dough all on me! (That has happened foreal with me being the other dude)
Truth be told, I’m just enjoying my bachelorhood far too much to even considering getting married unless her name is Oprah Winfrey or richer like one of Sam Walton’s daughters or his widow. Cause really that’s the only reason why a woman wants to get married, so a man can take care of her while she benefits from having her cake and eating it too. I be Gotdamn if a woman thinks she’s gonna marry me, get a joint bank account with MY hard earned money, have an affair with a lesser dude causing me to divorce her and her scandalous azz takes half of my hard earned shyt and my kids. A punk azz splurging sucker is no where painted on my forehead.
MOTHAFUKK THAT BULLSHYTT!!!
look we all f**kin know marriaged a women thing if it was up to us men to answer hey would u ever really like to get marry we would say know we men only get married to stay wit the woman we love and thats because of beauty and to get some ass everyday lol lol if it was ok for us to have steady woman and ok to play on the side we would never marry
I don’t think marriage is for everyone. It seems that people tend to get married to become happy and complete the societal norms. They wish to be with someone to complete or repair what they lack. This is not how it is suppose to be. People should be happy before getting married. However, marriage can be a great thing if you find the right person but people sometimes pretend before marriage. You don’t really know a person until you live with them. I have been married twice. The insecuritys, selfishness, financials and other hidden issues start to show once the ink hits the paper. A couple better make sure they receive counceling, pray and make certain that the person they think they are marrying is actually that person. I will never say never about getting married again but I will be very careful. I also think marriage is a societal thing that is forced upon you at a young age. You are made to think that marriage completes you. Marriage for me has been stifling, someone that thinks they own you and a possible loss of self identity. I know that all situations are not this way but it tends to be a regular trend that I hear about. Personally, I lean towards being happy by myself.
The thing about this world we live in, everything is backwards. People really don’t know what marriage is. God is the one that can let people know what marriage is. The problem nowadays is that people have “THEIR” opinions on what marriage is. Most people are already married and they don’t even know it. The bible tells you that sex constitutes marriage. You heard right, sex=marriage(Exodus 22:16, Deuteronomy 22:28-29, Genesis 24:66-67). The purpose of sex is marriage and to bring forth children. Thats why you should get married. That is God purpose for sex, not just to please your self.
Not only would I NOT get married again, I can’t help bu think of that old saying that, “Men get married because they’re tired….women get married to prove to themselves (and other women) that they CAN.”
So here’s my question for you: why do you want to get married?
Hmmm…I’m sorry but everyone does not WANT to get married. And everyone also do not BELIEVE the ideologies of America’s society just because they are popular. I’m just making a point that sometimes we speak as though “our belief” is “the belief” that everyone should be living by. I’m not denouncing marriage or monogamy. I’m just stating the truth.
Thanks for sharing Blackie_Chan_83. Understand that when two people come together no lie is acceptable. Lies rob you of the privilege of being with that person in spite of… I want someone to be with me for good, for bad, in sickness, in health and the only way I will be sure of that is if I tell them the truth in all. Be clear, when a person lies about anything you have to doubt whether they are telling the truth in all. I divorced after 12 years of hell and that hell was due to lies and deceit. I never knew when he was telling the truth and then started to believe nothing he said. He lied on his father, his mother, his sister, his aunts, etc. Then I found out as he was telling me lies about them, he was telling them lies about me. Really that is how the whole family operated. Lying is a sickness. It can be cured but I am not a professional and I will not lay down with someone every night and trust that I will wake up tomorrow because who knows what kind of lie they have told. No matter how long ago you ended the relationship, stay away and keep it moving. If we have no truth in our relationships, we have nothing.
Now speaking to ACEmusic954… because “assets” are involved, we must legally separate the assets and need a court to order it so. Many people don’t believe in pre-nups because they say it sets up the relationship for failure and I think not. People are more fair when they are feeling someone. When it comes time to leave, nobody is feeling love and greed is all that matter. Divorce is suffering at the highest level. The only people who benefit are the attorneys. Marriage is a business when it comes to finance. When you both buy a house to live in and both are working to pay the mortgage, who gets the house in the end and how much money does the other get for their share in the house. The court figures that out when both people cannot. Churches cannot participate in divorce unless there is proven adultery. The word says that GOD hates divorce and to save us for hatred HE allows us to get a “rite of divorce”. This is the clean break doc**enting the marriage is over. It is biblical but as time as passed the churches stopped participating in this ritual and the court took over and made it a multi-million dollar business.
Now I like what EbonyBishop had to say because it is correct. Marriage should be about the same logic that goes into business. When investing our money, we don’t just throw it into the wind and hope there will be a return. There should be the same effort as when we are planning out our lives, our professional training, the companies we interview with, the way we conduct ourselves to be eligible for promotion, etc. Unfortunately most don’t do that and hindsight is 20/20. I say to all that are participating in this blog, take your time, figure out who you are, who you want and then make sure it’s real and not memorex. If you put the work in before it should be easy to live the dream.
Ciao
@deb 514: You definitely hit the nail on the head about being honest when it counts. I just ended a 9 month courtship with a young lady because she lied to me about having her Bachelor’s in Criminal Justice. Most people think I left because she doesn’t have a degree and missed the key factor she has been lying to me out of selfish pride. She was confronted in counseling by our pastor. If it had been a lie to keep the peace and I found out, then I could have been upset and moved the relationship forward. When a person holds on to a lie about who they really are, you doubt every word they ever said or will say. This will totally annihilate trust in any relationship.
I truly have NO intention on doing this! Why should I?? Why should I have a “contract” to love someone??
Besides the idea of marriage is a joke anyway…Now two men or two women can get “married” in some states! How can there be two grooms in ONE wedding!??? LOL
Anyway in light of all these developments I dont see the point… its like there is no reason to respect it anymore.. you can just marry whatever nowadays… No thanks.
“MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO”. MARRIAGE ? NOT FOR ME. IF THIS WAS A GODLY SOCIETY, THEY WOULDN’T ALLOW TV SHOWS TO MAKE A MOCKERY OF GOD AND JESUS. “FAMILY GUY”, “SOUTH PARK” AND OTHERS. PEOPLE WOULDN’T TAKE CROSS BURNING SO LIGHTLY IF THEY WERE SINCERE ABOUT JESUS. IT’S EASY TO SHOW PICTURES OF SUCCESSFUL MARRIED COUPLES. THIS COUNTRY IS SO MESSED UP THAT MOST PEOPLE HAVE TO GET MARRIED IN ORDER TO PUT THEIR INCOMES TOGETHER TO HAVE THE BETTER THINGS IN LIFE. ON THE OTHER HAND MARRIAGE IS OK BECAUSE IT KEEP SOCIETY ON A CIVILIZED LEVEL, WITHOUT MARRIAGE IN SOCIETY PEOPLE WILL SHOW THEIR REAL ANIMALISTIC WAYS. “MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO”
Lets put aside the religious reasons. The reason I want to get married is to have the life that my parents had together. They took turns supporting each other and they built a large network of family and friends. That’s why people should get married, to join two families and have children. People are vulnerable to the world. When we help others and look out for others, they do the same for you. Its important to keep family ties so that we don’t have to go about life alone. Its nice to take pretty pictures and have sex and play around, but will those good looking people be around for a little bit, but surrounding yourself with family and a good partner that also understands this, is the reason why we should still get married. Yes, marriage isn’t for selfish people. So that’s why they shouldn’t get married.
Good article, any man worth his salt will treat marriage like a business decision. Dating is the interview process, don’t fall in the trap of love as a reason because that can blind you. Take into consideration what you bring to the table and what you expect her to bring to the table. If your role is the provider and she is the nurturer then make sure that she is capable and willing to play the position. To me determining if your partner is worthy of your time and devotion takes years and if you are in a relationship you should set goals and determine if over an extended courtship if what you have will last.
IT is true that American policies make marriages difficult to maintain over time. So be careful as to what you choose. And never, ever ignore the things you do not like, address them before they become things you cannot fix.
if marriage is a union between the married and god why do we have to go through the judicial system to end it once it goes sour? shouldnt the churches be the ones with the power to marry and divorce? something aint right about that. great article by the way.
What about people that’s a Atheist like me how we supposed view marriage because on the real I view it from a legal side not a God or spiritual side at all. I believe marriage is a institution invented by man in many cultures they have marriage for different reason of what that society value.So the whole god thing aint the factor at all.In America marriage is corrupt on the real because women rights had a destructive factor add to it I believe. Marriage in other country’s are more better an they don’t get marriage because of love or romance take for example like in eastern societies like India etc. They pick their partners an their marriage last longer then the average American marriage an also Islam or African country’s they marriage multiple women an their marriage last long were over here you cant last long with one women.Our society today influence the ideals of marriage just like did in the past what this society value today change.The whole institution of marriage is not needed to raise a family at all even if the father doesn’t live with the mother etc.See today women want to be free an take advantage of things in life that’s not wrong but at the sometime it effects why marriage doesn’t last because women are the first to get a divorce so you wonder why the rate of it is so high.Also making choices base on love is too illogical an not base on reality not practical at all.In India like I said they don’t base it on love they base it on other factors an love come into play later an they marriage last long this country need to learn from these eastern societies.
First I will say the marriage is a covenant with GOD. We should only marry once we (as women) find a man who will protect us, provide for us, keep us and be faithful to us. Most women look at marriage as they did when they were little girls. One day a prince comes along and sweeps us off our feet. Most of the time we overlook things that nag at us in our reflective time, we make excuses for his bad behavior and we are willing to provide for him because he has some issues he is working through. Anything not in line with the word of GOD is doomed. The word says “When a man findth a wife, he findth a good thing”. This means that although women should have a list of what they want in a mate, they need to step back and let the right man find them. Does he have a job, can he provide fro the household, is he honest when it counts, is he vulnerable with you when you are alone. If you stand by and watch “your man” lie to others to look good or cover up something bad, then he’ll lie to you when he needs to. If you agree to support him while he works through his issues, you’ll end up supporting him forever. If there is something that you cannot seem to get by, however small, then don’t do it. Marriage is supposed to be the harmonious union of two people who are equally yoked, on the same level at the same time. This means like education, like spiritual beliefs, like family background, like future plans, etc. Once you find this person, take time to hang out and make sure it’s real. Once you feel like this person is an extension of yourself and you cannot envision yourself without them, then it’s time to think about marriage. All this should happen before children. Ladies, men do not define us. Give yourself a break. Find out who you are. Understand what you want for life, singly, and then look for those things in a man. Don’t be intimidated because if it’s right, all will fall into place and it will be forever ever after. And if nothing I have said means anything, take this as the best advice…Divorce is VERY EXPENSIVE. The wedding may cost 10 grand and if that is the case be sure the divorce will cost 50. Save your money and take a glorious vacation with lots of pictures.
Well I ask myself All the time, “When I get married, will it be for the right reason or the wrong reason?” But I follow my heart and soul to what I should do and a lot of people nowadays don’t do that. Instead they rush into it without giving real thought about if they’re doing it for the right reason or not. Let your heart and soul guide you. Yes marriage is a traditional ceremony in America but its don’t best when done the right way and for the right reason. Marriage is a base on vows of how you’re going to love and care for that person to the rest of their life. If you’re not loving and caring for that person the way you should before you get married then there is no reason to be walking down the aisle. My thing is I think some people get married just to say they got married which is really stupid. If you’re gonna walk down the aisle make sure you have a good, legitimate, and heart felt reason of why you’re really doing it. Don’t say the words I do if you don’t really mean it.
well i just will say one thing, most people in christianity are counterfeits. Marriage when induced by its particpants in america is done through christian tradition. Religous norms put most marriages under the umbrella of christian belief in the united states. But unfortunatly umbrellas arent foundations when times get hard, or when love needs to be practiced. Being christian alone is easier then being christian in marriage. If u cant be christian by yourself , then how much harder tied to someone else. So dont blame marriage or the christian concept of marriage, its the participants.man AND woman. Its your responsibility to pick your mate given what guidelines u have whether that be from a bible, a khoran, or just from your heart.
I agree with what “sexynickey” said except for the statement to look how he treats his mom. My ex-husband did and still treats his mom with a lot of love and respect but he was very verbally and emotionally abusive to me. I don’t know what advice to give you except be very prayerful and be ready to abandon the relationship if you get a feeling it’s not right for you, even if it’s the day of your wedding. Divorce is a horrible thing to go through, even if you don’t have kids.
I wanna get married
but im not down with the contract & having STATE OF NEW JERSEY INC. involved in my personal life
For me I don’t find myself asking that question. Unlike the common belief that all women want to find a man and get married, I never put marriage on the list of accomplishments. I can’t ask myself why I want to get married because I don’t really think that I do. I would rather focus on obtaining my career goals and have the freedom to do whatever I want with the consideration of “what he wants to do?” People in my life say that I will grow out of it but every year (with 30 just around the corner) I reaffirm with more conviction that marriage and all of the things associated with married life do not make a happy life for all. I thought the article was wonderful because it hit the biblical aspects of marriage but it also shows that the ideals that make up a marriage can be obtained without a formal ceremony. Because of the legalities that are now associated with marriage, now turns it into a contract, rather than the spiritual union of souls that are joined together with a like purpose that it once was. Therefore that contract which can be legally argued is the only thing that can be contextualized in a legal marriage. There is so much more that I could say, though we as Christians view marriage in one way. As we all know we are not alone in this world with many other races, and religions this “concept” of marriage in each division is alter. Even in Christianity marriage different spins (ie. Old Testament vs. Current Popular Christian beliefs.) While I will not say in my life that marriage is not in the plans, I believe that while I am on the earth I should live my life for the glory of God and if a husband is in my plans it well be. Until then I’ll just do like the old folks would say growing up I’m gonna “Let Go and Let God.”
Hmm I ask myself that everyday.. Why did I get married? At the time I was in love but he changed when we said “I do” and I learned about a lot of bad habits that he has/had. It went downhill from the day we got married. Needless to say we are heading for a divorce. But I must say he taught me a lot. I thought I knew the worst in a man but he opened my eyes to a whole lot of things. I lost a lot. A marriage is supposed to build you not tear you down. I accepted a lot not because I was weak, but because I believed in making it work and not give up. But unfortunately it didn’t work so things got out of hand one time and God put me in a situation where I had no choice but to say enough is enough. Once I let got of him things started to look up for me and i’m getting myself back to where I used to be and I’m very thankful to that. Some advice I would like to give some women: Look at how he treats his mama, if he can disrespect her, he will disrespect any female. If he’s not willing to go to counseling, church, or doing whatever to make it work just leave. If there’s any type of abuse, please leave before things happen that could effect your life. When you’re defending yourself trust me it will work against you. You still will catch a case and be prosecuted even though you were protecting yourself. Always pray every day. Marriage is hard work and the devil is constantly trying to work against it.
God Bless and take care of yourselves.