Was Tonex On The DL?!
I was first introduced to Tonex’s music in 1999/2000. Thinking about it…it’s kind of a pun of sorts because his eccentric style reminded me of a gospel version of Prince. “Personal Jesus” and “Why” rocked my world. Check this out…
His vocals are sick and his eccentric style and sound was more than I bargained for from a “gospel” artist. I pressed repeat as often as I could tolerate just to go deeper into a place of worship. He was courageous in his approach to music and unmoved by how the naysayers responded. He had the ear of Generation X and subsequently captured the attention of those we were grooming in ministry. Years would pass and Tonex seemed not to catch a break in the industry. No matter how popular he seemed to US, it appeared that he wasn’t impressing upon the industry his urgency. That always seemed to baffle me because he was so apparently talented. But it felt like the more he tried to press into a well structured industry of close knit artists, the further away he faded.
I think I have a clearer understanding now.
Tonex was battling some demons that aren’t easily whooped with the average shabach. He was wrestling with his sexuality and according to him, the spirit of homosexuality had befriended him when he was 2 or 3 – he was molested. That’s a whole other topic of discussion. But the more the industry pushed him away, the intensity of his battle became that much more public. It was visible, audible and sometimes embarrassing. And like so many men who toss and turn with whether or not they want to admit to themselves that they are gay (like the person I was once married), Tonex did what many of them do – knowing the area of their struggle – and married a woman. Now…everything I’m about to say from this point is speculation based upon what I know about the down low and what I know about the mindset of the man who feels the need to lie to a woman in order to make their lives appear normal.
Let me back up. The reason I even thought to write this post is because of the blog that Oretha Winston posted on 11/24, “Donnie McClurkin Controversy Spreads.” When I watched the youth convocation that Donnie McClurkin preached, he mentioned Tonex and that, he was “wrong in what he said.” Now…I had been hearing little bits of this and that about Tonex but I had never heard from the horses mouth that which had been rumored. So…I pulled up an interview of Tonex on youtube with Darian and got it right from the source. Here is the first segment:
I’ll save my comments until you see the second video…
There are several installments to this interview but I think you get the point. Now here’s where I have major issue and trust…this is in no way transference as much as it is truth from a woman who was deceived from a Tonex type to the 100th degree. If you heard, Darian asked him, why did you marry a woman when you knew since you were a little boy that you were attracted to men. His answer was completely selfish – as is that spirit that breeds under the surface of men who are on the down low, “Oh…I actually fell in love…love does some crazy things.” Bull! I don’t buy it from you Tonex, I don’t buy it from the person that deceived me or anyone else. I conclude that Tonex married this woman because he wanted his life to look NORMAL. At the time, he seemed to be struggling for public acceptance and what better way to present yourself than in the wholeness of what appears to be a healthy union. He married her for himself. It had nothing to do with how much he “loved” her or not. Truth be told, if he really loved her, he would have left her the hell alone. I’m just saying. Everything becomes about him, them…I – I – I. “I’m always gonna have an affinity for woman…just the way that they look, their swag, their personality but on an emotional level, I connect better with men.” When I first heard those words I wanted to scream. Yes…when you saw his wife…she had swag, they matched – if you will. So basically he risked her emotions for his own narcissistic pleasure and when he was done – like a chewed up piece of gum – he spit her out and decided to embark upon that which brings him emotional joy…men. What an embarrassment. And to try and justify this behavior with descriptions that categorize the biblical interpretation of relationship (that God intended) as archaeic and such is blasphemous in it’s own right. Don’t make the word of God convenient. The entire interview felt so convoluted. He has made himself out to be some type of hero who has to endure this thorn for those without a voice. Garbage. You are living this lifestyle – now open to the viewers – because you want to, bottom line. For nothing more than your own pleasure. So stop it already with the, “I’m doing this for the people” theology!!
Tonex and others can try as they will to make excuses for men on the down low, but there is no excuse for putting someone else’s life at risk for the sake of your own ego. My prayers go out to his ex-wife, whom I share a common bond…one that binds us emotionally in ways many will never know and praise God for that. I can imagine the inner turmoil she experienced, questioning herself and desperately trying to put the pieces of her inner woman back together to mend that which that spirit tried to destroy. Whether their situation was a discovery or confession, it doesn’t change the fact that this woman has had to repair. And trust me…it ain’t easy. God IS a provider but it ain’t easy. The great thing is…when He wants it done…it’s done! No if’s, and’s or but’s about it…done. I pray her strength and that God would use her as a voice in the wind.
As for Tonex (and the Tonex types)…kick rocks dude. You should have just been straight up with your woman from the jump instead of making a public spectacle out of you and her. If you knew since the age of 2 or 3 what your preference was, why bother? You KNEW she wasn’t your type. She had neither penis nor testosterone. So you could have just been her best friend. Why go through the drama of, “I do’s” and all of that jazz and this wasn’t someone who did it for you emotionally. What’s with all of the games? Your eloquence and escatological study of the word doesn’t impress me. What would impress me is when men who love men would be strong enough to say, “No” to the female ass and swag (even if it hurts her feelings) and live your life as you see it best. Hopefully accountability and the truth of God’s word would be the turn around for you but not at the expense of HER.
Wishful thinking!
The reality is, I’m suggesting sane behavior to a spirit that has no desire nor capability to do right. I just wish men who are, “same gender loving” and have no intention on embracing a long term relationship with a woman that is healthy and whole would man-up and leave these women alone. That’s my prayer. Knock it off already!
R.I.P. LC ~ a woman who died because a brother with AIDS thought she had swag.
To learn more about Ingrid Michelle, click here AND follow her on Twitter
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Comments
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Maybe I am wrong, but I have yet to see in the Word where those who lead the flock were gay. The Word of God states to deny the flesh and live in the spirit. I am so tired of lukewarm christians or church leaders, pastors, worship leaders and those in leadership roles living their lives in an ungodly way yet trying to apear godly. Will the true worshippers of God please step forth!!!!!! Our people are perishing for the lack of knowledge and that comes from false prophets, preachers and worship singers!!!
I don’t think that being sexually attracted to someone of the same sex in itself is a sin. It isn’t right but it isn’t a sin… thinking about having sex with someone of the same sex is… Actually thinking about having sex with anyone you aren’t married to is a sin.
It is whether we act on those impulses, that determine who we are…When I am on the subway and someone steps on my foot and doesnt bother to say “excuse me or I am sorry” my instinct is punch them in the face… but I know that it is wrong… and the more I think about doing it, the more the likelihood is that I will do it! So I push it out of my mind…
I think that if a man has gay feelings he shouldn’t act on them, but sacrifice yourself and your sexuality, the way God sacrificed his son… STAY CELIBATE!
Most of us Christians that heterosexual know that we should be celibate.
Marusha15… spoken like a person who has no knowledge of the bible or any faith in it…. yet want to consider themselves “a good person”
If you know the bible, you would know that NONE of us are good… NOT ONE! If we were there would be no reason for Jesus to come down become flesh and have to offer up his life. If God just wanted us “be live right” He could have just sent prophets to tell us how to live.
This removes all need for a personal relationship with Him, or the need for faith…
Marusha… do yourself a favor…and us Christians too… just admit that you don’t know anything about Christians and Christianity but what you see on TV… and admit to yourself that you ARE NOT A CHRISTIAN, but a Buddhist, a Muslim, a Jain, whatever… just not a Christian.
What I appreciate about this article is the topic question itself….The author Ingrid Michelle asks a question and doesn’t offer an indictment. My question is does anyone have the right to take away another person’s choices? It’s not about condemning gay people. If a man is living life on the “down low” and is married or in a relationship with a woman, he has taken away her choice to be with a straight man. He has potentially put her in harms way with regards to her health. Those are facts. Tonex’ explanation and reasoning is shoddy at best.
@ Marusha15: Thanks for your response.
You mentioned, “If a man likes another man, who cares. Does that mean he can’t love God?”
In actuality what it means is, he doesn’t completely understand God. The Lord has very specific ideas of healthy relationships that can bring forth life…that would be that of a man and woman only. YES! We all sin and fall short of His glory. And no doubt the ONLY perfect man was Jesus. But…because of our free will, we enter into this thing able to make our own decisions, whether they disappoint the Father or not. I think most people love the idea of God but lack a true knowledge of Him AND like I said, the decision is ultimately all our own when we decide to change the game plan. We have made what Tonex and many other men did/do acceptable because it’s far less popular to go against the grain. But trust…this IS NOT God’s best. When men officially gain an understanding of who God is, the deeper they fall in love with Him, the first part of your question will become null and void.
You also mentioned, “I’m not gay but have gay friends and they just know who they love WHO CARESSSS mind YOUR OWN buisness.”
I believe that is COMPLETELY irresponsible of you and anyone else with that mindset. The article was entitled, “Was Tonex On The DL.” The down low is indicative of (in this case) a MAN who was living a double life. It becomes the business of wife, girlfriend, lover, family, ministry leaders and everyone else who has a direct involvement with the person who chose to keep their sexual desires on hush and deceive those around them. It becomes the business of those involved when AIDS becomes a part of the equation. We’re not talking about a person who has made a decision to be gay, we’re talking about a narcissistic liar who fraudulently married a woman and simultaneously lived a life as a homosexual. So please…when you want to chastise people about whose business they should mind, be sure that you are advocating on behalf of the right group. The victims in these relationships really need for people who have NEVER experienced this degree of deception to not pretend to understand what they are going through by offering condemning words and suggestions – but to be a little more understanding and supportive and STOP making excuses for this type of garbage behavior being impressed upon by those selfish men who want their cake and to eat it too. Tonex made his decision our business. The death of countless women who are dying because of this makes it our business. Broken families make it our business. Single parent, mother run households makes this our business. It is our business!
Being gay is a choice. The Bible is God’s Word not the word of man. They wrote what God told them to write and they were chosen by God. If it wasn’t a choice then God would have just created 2 men or 2 women at the beginning of the world. What would be the need of opposite sexes if men are supposed to be with men and women are supposed to be with women? Its true God doesn’t make mistakes which is why he made a man and a woman and said that a woman is the help meet/partner for man. God has created us with free will and if you choose to be gay that is your right but don’t be selfish and pull people into your mess because you want to appear “normal”. You can’t say you have a relationship with God and not believe His Word to be true. Thats a direct contradiction to your faith.
HOMEGIRL WHO QUOTED THE BIBLE, KUDOS TO YOU! BUT YOU MAY ALSO WANT TO REMEMBER THAT WE DO NOT LIVE IN THE OLD TESTAMENT. IF WE WERE GOING BY THE OLD INSTEAD OF THE NEW, THEN SWINE WOULD BE UNHOLY TO EAT. NOW I SAY THAT TO SAY THIS, NOBODY WHO IS HOMO WAKES UP AND SAYS “YOU KNOW WHAT?, I THINK I’LL BE GAY TODAY” COME ON…. WHY WOULD SOMEBODY CHOOSE TO BE TEASED, BEAT UP, TALKED ABOUT, AND TOLD YOU CAN’T DO THIS OR YOU CAN’T DO THAT BECAUSE YOU ARE GAY. THIS IS WHY PEOPLE ARE SCARED TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. ASK ANY GAY PERSON IF THEY WANT TO BE GAY….NINE TIMES OUT OF TEN, THEY DO NOT. IN ADDITION, GOD DIDN’T MAKE ANY MISTAKES…SO WHO IS TO SAY THAT GOD GOOFED UP ON GAY PEOPLE? MAYBE THEY WERE MADE THAT WAY FOR A REASON. MAYBE THE BIBLE IF TAKEN WORD FOR WORD ON EVERY THING contradicts ITSELF. IF THERE WAS ONLY ONE PERFECT MAN, WHY DIDN’T HE WRITE THE ENTIRE BIBLE? EVERY MAN SINS AND FALLS SHORT OF THE GLORY, IF THAT IS A TRUE STATEMENT, THEN HOW ARE WE TO BELIEVE THAT THE MEN WHO WROTE THE BIBLE WEREN’T SINNERS, OR PEOPLE WANTING TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE WHAT THEY BELIEVED? OR MEN WHO DEALT WITH THEIR OWN DEMONS? MY POINT IS UNTIL YOU ESTABLISH A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HIM.
Thank you for this story.Oftentimes I check out these blog topics and some of them are so silly and ridiculous that you have to wonder what purpose they serve! This is a real issue and it’s affecting our community at alarming rates.It’s not a new issue , it has just become less taboo because it’s being openly discussed now than in the past! I am not going to get into the Bible or religion because the Bible also says “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” There are a whole lot of things considered a “sin”. I will say that I have always wondered whether Tone was gay ( didn’t want to assume or judge a book by it’s cover, plus I heard that he was married ,not that that means anything as far as DL lifestyle goes). I just get so disgusted by these men who are too cowardly to come out of the closet and live the kind of life that they want to live with the person or (people) that they want to live it with! Stop playing games and placing women that you claim to care for at risk with your foolishness! When will people learn to call a spade a spade,and stop trying to sugarcoat everything! You can sugar coat shyt but guess what?It’s still shyt! You are what you are!
Thank you so much for this story.Oftentimes I check out these blog topics and some of them are so silly and ridiculous that you have to wonder what purpose they serve! This is a real issue and it’s affecting our community at alarming rates.It’s not a new issue , it has just become less taboo because it’s being openly discussed now than in the past! I am not going to get into the Bible or religion because the Bible also says “let he who is without sin cast the first stone” There are a whole lot of things considered a “sin”. I will say that I have always wondered whether Tone was gay ( didn’t want to assume or judge a book by it’s cover, plus I heard that he was married ,not that that means anything as far as DL lifestyle goes). I just get so disgusted by these men who are too cowardly to come out of the closet and live the kind of life that they want to live with the person or (people) that they want to live it with! Stop playing games and placing women that you claim to care for at risk with your foolishness! When will people learn to call a spade a spade,and stop trying to sugarcoat everything! You can sugar coat shyt but guess what?It’s still shyt! You are what you are!
marusha15 Leviticus 18 22 Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman: that is detestable. Leviticus 20 13 They must be put to death, their blood will be on their own heads. This is as it is written in the bible, God said love thy neighbor as you love thyself. He loves us, because we are his children, what you do as the homosexual activity is a sin in God’s eyes. What you do on earth, we as humans can’t judge you, but when you go to the gates, and God opens up the book of life, who you chose to love is not what’s gonna determine your stay, homosexuality is not going to get you there. Repent for your wrongs as a homosexual. It is a demon that will prevent your entrance to everlasting life behind those pearly gates. What i have typed is in the bible, look it up! It’s my opinion but it’s God’s words in the bible. Leviticus 20 22 Keep all my decrees and laws an follow them, so that the land where i’m bringing you to live may not vomit you out. *deuces*
who is he?? (:
God wants us to be good people BASICALLY meaning dont kill anyone….dont HATE ….. if a man likes another man WHO CAREEEESSS!!! Does that mean he cant love god???????????? MOst of you who go to church are the worst!!!! you party and sleep with many ppl and NOT married having kids than go to church on sundays!! what makes you think your doing right by God also????? Be honest with yourself…I believe in God but most of you who go to church are USING God for an excuse to party than ask for forgiveness on sunday!!! im not gay but have gay friends and they just know who they love WHO CARESSSS mind YOUR OWN buisness…..
Thats is very crazy and its really not anybody but why did tonex when from an stellar award wining gospel artist to now an homosexual being.This is why most of these africanamericans males be mostly comming out the closet of their homosexual i really don’t understand why.He is so very good-looking but why did when downfall by saying that he’s gay if tonex was liking men that much he shouldn’t be married to an woman and if he was an true christan and singing the words of zion theen he should know thats is an the biggest sin there is.I think he need to stop look and listen cuz tonex took an vow to be someone husband for sickness and health,for richer or the poorer when he said i do he took an oath in fortn of god.
@Billie2000, your comment illustrates how confused people are about God with respect to homosexuality. To say being gay is not a sin, but acting on it is, is pure foolishness. Isn’t lusting in your heart a sin whether you act on it or not? Thought is the precursor to action, so it makes it almost impossible to separate the two, in this case. Wasn’t it written that if you think about adultery, you have indeed committed adultery? Please think about your comments before posting in the future.
Wow!Well Tonex since you made your confession let me make mine. I have been married for 23 years but I am still attracted to other women. As a matter of fact my sex drive is so high my wife can’t satisfy me. So tell me if it is OK if I have a few jump offs on the side as I travel to different cities for business. Hey as long as I protect myself and don’t bring anything home, it should be ok…Right?
You mean to tell me I have been trying to fight temptation all this time and I could be out there knocking off every shorty I see. Yes God loves all of us and though admittedly we all have our own struggles ( I admit to mine), we are called to “work out our own soul salvation”. We are also called as Christians to be “conformed into the image of Christ”. Notice the word conformed taken from the scriptures denotes moving from where we are to where he is. I said all that to see we may have certain inclinations in our fleshly nature because of a variety of factors but you do not have an excuse to sleep with another man any more then the manic bipolar man has to commit murder.
Damn, He shood have Stayed in The closet. This is about 2 Start too much crap. People who liked him are most likely going to turn against him. Sad, but whatever. Do ya thang Tonex.
Tonex was never DL, he was flamboyant as hell. How could you not see it. It took yall 10 years to peep that when he is wearing permed, colored hair, boas, skinny jueans, and makeup…lord have mercy.
i am correcting the following: if my ex and other victims went through a similar situations and GOD brought them out of it and they are attracted to only the opposite sex, then that reasoning cant be used as one of their excuses. sorry, im not buying it.
not to judge the book by his cover, but i know when tonex first came out he was gay. if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and does like a duck then its a dang duck! i feel sorry for the woman being deceived but you mean to tell me she nor her her family didnt see the road signs of his heart breaking conclusion? the greatest gift a woman has is her intuition but may be its not all women. you know i dated a man who was molested when he was young, but he definitely didnt become gay in no shape of form from it so i cant agree when gay men or lesbians use that as an excuse. if my ex and other victims through it and GOD got them out of it then why should that be one of their reasoning? sorry, im not buying it. i believe its more of a choice and lustful addicition. but they dont have to answer to nobody but the LORD about it. forgive all of us for our sins Dear LORD
God loves the sinner not the sin. The bible says come just as you are, but it doesn’t say remain in your ways. All over the scriptures God talks to us about change, about the Holy Spirit changing us. It’s so sad how some people just take the word of God and twist it around to suit their own selfish and fleshy desires. Tonex wants to have his cake and eat it to. He wants to have the church and the blessings that come along with it, while living in utter abomination with men. It won’t work.. And to call the bible archaic! And how the brimstone preachers aren’t cutting it anymore! Of course they don’t cut it for types like Tonex, because they preach the word the way it’s been written and don’t try to twist it up to suit this sinful generation! Yo… let me stop man.. I pray he finds deliverance and realizes that accepting an evil spirit and trying to get God to bless you with it is NOT the way!
Let’s just forget about whether his sexuality choices are right or wrong…was he safe with his wife? I know that it is PC to say that you should worry about aids from everyone…and that’s true…but I know when I first found out that an ex of mine did things with men…unprotected…I was terrified. These men who are trying to figure out what they want MUST be more responsible! You cannot just go on feelings anymore people…truly think about what will happen the next day. We always want to do what feels good and right at the time but I truly believe that it’s a trick of the devil. Tonex will soon find out that his current choice isn’t the answer to his happiness either. He not only needs to be true about his past and true about what he’s doing…he has to be true about what the Word says. There have been so many times when I look into the Bible and study…I read things that I don’t like to read. It is so sad that God finds homosexuality detestable in his eyes because I personally think that people should be able to love who they want to. But the fact is if you chose to be a Christian and follow the Word of the Lord then you will learn things that you may not like, but the truth is it’s unchangeable. God hasn’t changed from the time before the Bible was written and he hasn’t changed it now. I know everyone likes to say a sin is a sin…but there are sin’s that lead to death and there are sins that don’t. Bad sexual choices are things that lead to death whether you are straight or gay. I only hope that in each situation he is protecting himself, as for women we just have to be smart and true to our instincts…there is always something. While I was with my ex there was always something that bothered me…I journaled about it all the time…then one night I had a dream. Later the guy told me…those months were the most terrible moments in my life. It turned out that everything was fine in terms of my health, but it took me 2yrs to get over the emotional baggage that came with his irresponsibility. No matter what your choices are…just think about the after…think about tomorrow. If you will notice, the world is going in this direction as well. When we were growing up we were hard pressed to find shows that had openly gay situations…in terms of people in our lives, we knew, but we didn’t really know. Unfortunately as the world goes, so goes many people in the Church. It can’t be like that we can’t conform….anyway I have written a book…I am just saddened by learning of this. I just think about all those people who follow this man…one thing that struck me was his comment about his father and the church that he’s leading…he said that his father had a vision…”well it’s my vision now” shouldn’t it be God’s vision? Can he seriously say in his quiet moments, if he has them with the Lord, that what he is doing is the right thing? We are so messed up in the Church…it ain’t even funny.
Now i know he’s on his way soon!!!
I would like to say that its good that he know God loves him because he does but God does not except homosexuality, the bible speaks clearly about a man not laying with man or women with women. He made adam and eve not adam and steve it is sad that he names the name of Christ and continue to live that type of lifestyle, its really scary. Sin is sin no big sin or little sin it is what it is. Fine he chooses this lifestyle and yes God does love you but not the sin so if he chooses to name the name of Christ and hopefully he will be delivered believe I am not perfect only Christ was and He was crucified. God did not make you gay.
Deception! I’m so excited for the Lord’s return, whether I’m dead or alive. The Truth will prevail. We shall see.
i’m setting here reading your comments about Tonex being Gay. All i got to say about it is that I’m happy you are not “GOD” because god is all about love and forgiveness. being gay is not a sin, but to act on it is. My prayers go out to all of you who think they know GOD.
This is unbelievable how he could say it’s God’s will for him to be Gay. That is a demonic spirit telling him that.
Well written and thought provoking, Ingrid.
damn that is some egotistical ish.
how in hell can a damm fag be a preacher, hell dont the fool know its not adam and steve, its adam and eve, bet his daddy is turnin in his grave
Only thing worse than seeing a Black homosexual preacher, is seeing a Black homosexual preacher, being interviewed by a flaming homosexual host.
Wow! I loved his music too. I knew there was something about him I just couldn’t put my finger on it at the time. I can’t believe he’s gay and on top of that married a woman to cover it up. You know to me this is kind of like what Adam and Eve did when they sinned. Adam quickly sowed fig leaves together to cover his sin. This is indeed what Tonex has done, he used his wife as a fig leaf to cover up his sin. Then trying to get the word of God to cosign with him choosing to being gay. I love everyone, even my cousin who is gay, but homosexuality is wrong. My heart and prayers go out to them both. May God heal them both and all who are going through this.
Ingrid this is so powerful and profound…I’m amazed at how he (Tonex) has justified his life choices…Keep it coming Ingrid…you’re helping folks.