Not a Dress Rehearsal

Sheeri Mitchell is a writer/editor, who has served in children's, youth, and marriage ministry for over a decade, alongside her husband of 14 years.

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Gentlemen, Learn To Look Past The Booty

By Sheeri Mitchell June 10, 2009 8:23 am

Proverbs 31:30 (New King James Version)

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

Gentlemen, I know in a society where women put everything on display, even things they shouldn’t, it can be difficult to walk out your faith in the area of dating. I have listened to enough of you tell me that keeping your thoughts pure is right next to impossible when so many women deliberately or ignorantly walk around with their chichees and butt on display for the world to see. Yes, that word is “chichees.” I spelled it phonetically so that there would be no confusion. God created you a sexual being. You have more sexual thoughts in a month than some women have in a year. That is just how your Creator wired you. And it is a good thing. But the same God who made you, knows your heart as well. And let me tell you, he would not create a desire in you if he didn’t have a plan already in place to fulfill it.

As a mother of a son, who is entering puberty, I will tell you the same thing I tell him, and the same thing I have warned my single brothers who have come to me for advice on dating and pursuing a wife. WATCH HER CHARACTER. See if who she professes to be matches who she says she is. Don’t involve yourself with a woman of poor character. I don’t care if she is “fine as hell!” Because that’s probably where she comes from. Don’t think you can “dabble” and walk away. You will get “got.” To the degree that you don’t is just God’s mercy in action.

I’m not saying that you have to date or marry a mud duck. If you don’t find her attractive, you don’t find her attractive – pure and simple. But make sure you know why you don’t. The same is true for attraction. If your attraction to a woman is purely physical, then the relationship is doomed from the start. Obviously, I am not addressing those of you who are out “ho-in.’” But Man of Substance, hear me today. Hair grays. Boobies and butts sag (you know, unless they’re fake). Skin thins. Teeth sometimes leave and need to be replaced. But character, the soul, with proper care and nurturing only improves and flourishes.

So look beyond her shape, to her heart. Observe her character to see who she is – and be prayin’ the whole time. If God wants you married, then be sure that he wants you to have a godly wife, who will support your vision and be a help-meet to you. He wants the two of you to raise godly children, who will impact the world. You want somebody who is going to come alongside you and work this life out with you, someone who will have your back, cover you in prayer daily, and speak life into your weary soul when the world has worn you out. You want and need a godly woman. So, Please, please, please, as your sister Christ, I beg you, do not settle for good looks alone.

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Comments

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Dont rally, boycott and riot

6-10-2009 9:07 pm

The day that men stop using the booty as a reference will be the day women stop looking at a mans shoe as a reference…period
Tootney

6-10-2009 8:56 pm

Snaps all day!!! I’m so glad someone has spoken about looking past the physical. There’s more to a woman than boobs,butt,thighs etc. As my grandmother says, There’s more to a woman than what’s between her legs,it begins with what is between her ears
KSB

6-10-2009 8:55 pm

AMEN!
A Liburd

6-10-2009 8:26 pm

I really appreaciate this article but with so many black women unmarried you think i would be easy for man to find quality godly women to marry. It is difficult both ways for men and women because alot of times even most church folks i know are superficial especially church women looking for men with status and money.
tutu

6-10-2009 8:21 pm

Never i dont care how cute a women is she needs to have that big booty. So all the pretty skinny model type chicks i dont even think twice about trying to get to know you ugh.
gina

6-10-2009 8:14 pm

yea because guys are to wired onbig booty slim waist..
and i have heard men tell me this to my face that they would rather be with a but ugly woman with a nice body then a pretty woman with meat on her bones..
and this is why im single
im not slim and big bootied and guys in my age range thats all they want BIG BOOTY SLIM WAIST IF YOU AINT GOT IT YOU DONT GET NOT EVEN TWO WORDS FROM THEM!
Jarred Jake

6-10-2009 8:13 pm

That is very good advice, hopefully something that I will never forget.
THA REALEST

6-10-2009 7:55 pm

i swear the chicks who post these kind of articles. first of all if you HAD the body of a “phat” woman then you would flaunt it, just as they do now a days. lol They put a picture of serena williams on BP as a cover for this article lol GET REAL. Serena INTENTIONALLY poked her ass out on the tennis court. Second, having a bangin body is the NEWEST FASHION PERIOD!!! Even next top model chicks get passed up for someone like Deelicious or Ester Baxter or whoever. And third, the chick who got her picture on this post is UGLY anyway so why you worried bout dudes looking past a body when we cant even get past your face. Dat church woman speak your mind type stuff is played out forreal. You gets no recognition in the public society that MATTERS. Our generation doesn’t care what you THINK we should look past. Because the only thing that really is important is that we look past YOU, that way we dont have to settle for less. And nexty thing you know you gonna be postin a article CLAIMING to know why men cheat. lol This is a perfect example. Men will “LOOK PAST THE BODY” as YOU say and then we end up with someone like YOU. Smart, mature, and overall WACK AS HELL. Get real, Get a Life, and stop talking about stuff you have no idea about.
il-mack

6-10-2009 7:49 pm

i agree with the look past the booty part. you have to be able to see a woman with your mind. i dont however agree with the men think about sex more than women part. women think about sex way more than men. thats why they dress and behave the way that they do. look at the pics they post up. they are trying to attract men with their body parts because sex is on their minds. men go to these womens pages not know what to expect. women create their pages with a sexual connotaion because sex is on their minds. the only men who think about sex even remotely close to women are men of low status. men who are to tryfling or lazy to produce a foundation ready enough to care for a queen. instead they create baby mommas to provide themselves a link with the state and leech off of womens section eight and foodstamps. now there are srubs on every level, but: the higher the mans staus = rank, the better the quality of women will he attract. its up to him to sift through the weeds to find that rose. and trust me, there are some roses left. i do not beleive christian children will change the world. i know that children who come together and beleive in themselves will change the world. religion is fine for your spirit, but; in the world outside of you, you need action.
ILuvBigButts

6-10-2009 7:38 pm

is it even possible for a man to not look at a girl’s booty?
Chapter58A

6-10-2009 7:35 pm

Hey. Shouldn’t this message be address to all men and not just the ones you consider ‘Man of Substance” ?
You never know how some good advise from a sister can make a man change his ways. Even when you plant a seed in bad soil, something good grows out.
Alex

6-10-2009 7:34 pm

i’m not sure but i think the original picture was of either venus or serina but when i click on i was expecting to see her. so, my question is why use her up top if you’re not going to let us look at her while we read????? i don’t know just a thought….
dj sir mixx

6-10-2009 7:31 pm

it ain’t the booty its the beauty and ladies its ain’t the muscle its the hustle.if yall don’t know now you do.
BlaqkThought

6-10-2009 7:29 pm

Every interaction has a point of attraction. For some that attraction is intelligence,power, Money, and for some of us “The booty”. A woman’s body is indeed a beautiful thing, yes, it lures us in to take a closer look. At that point, it is up to the woman to present her true qualities
John

6-10-2009 7:21 pm

Men have always looked at women for their physical assets and always will. It’s individual maturity that looks beyond looks not as a group do you mature. Women do the same to men look at what they have to offer. Size of his p***s, wallet, social status and how much attention he draws. You’re trying to be a mission of perfection and there’s no such thing. Period.
JJ_Lawva01

6-10-2009 7:19 pm

Ha….
Visionaries

6-10-2009 7:15 pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you for these wholesome articles that uplift our people! Please keep them coming! More people than you realize are listening and internalizing this. Keep up the good work.
Tip Toe

6-10-2009 6:53 pm

Question? they (Women) want us men to look past the booty yet the booty is more than often one of the first things that a woman puts on display. Jeans several sizes to small, the hint of a thong being exposed teh list goes on. The booty on a woman is much like a car is for a man. Any woman who tells me that she does not check out a mans car is as much of a liar as is the guy who says that he does pay attention to a womans booty. The reality of it all is that we (human-beings) are visual creatures. We see what we like and we like what we see. After the initial allure of the physical we all tend to bond with the mental.
jaysta1

6-10-2009 6:47 pm

I’d like to thank you for your article because it rings so true.But what I’d like you to address is the WOMEN going after the men for the money.I know that you’re not criticizing men,but NO ONE ever addresses that issue.Why dont WOMEN get got when they go after men for the money ?
Precious

6-10-2009 6:46 pm

Your words are so understandable.. I love the way you look forward and not just for now.. Thank you for sharing. I so surly hope that this message reahes many because it has me locked.. Have a blessed day…..
Max

6-10-2009 6:21 pm

It’s like the cover of a book. If the cover not eye catching your not going to read the book. Sorry men are visual, it’s your looks that catch our attention your character and personality pulls us in . But also if you stop taking care of your self and stop looking your best He will leave.
Yusef

6-10-2009 6:11 pm

Look past the outside of a person.
@theist

6-10-2009 6:09 pm

It would be a lie for me to say I came to this blog not because of Serena’s booty…and with that I think any man who posted on this blog knows how to look beyond the booty. (main pic and substance found in your thoughts) Remember fellas:
God is the creator of all things. When He created your eyes, He attached nerves that react and create riggormortis in your pants. This arousal, this arrow pointing, helps you find a comely mate. Then it is through your ears that God created that you can establish whether or not you will go further then her just being another stain on your bed.
iSpeeks

6-10-2009 6:04 pm

Im so tired of booty comments I could scream!! And I, for one, DO indeed try my best to downplay my plump posterior.

I even blogged about it… check it out:
http://www.iSpeeks.blogspot.com
It’s called “The BADD Girl Effect” – Despite the hooplah associated with booty, i simply think men, ultimately, don’t like women with portly backsides… eye candy, maybe… But u’ll see on my blog what i mean.

To the author of THIS blog, I simply don’t think us chicks don’t have a fat chance for them to even check out our character ((THE BADD GIRL EFFECT))… although I think it’s excellent advice to the young men.
Black Privilege

6-10-2009 6:02 pm

Here we are yet again trying to kill the messenger..the ‘Man’…how about getting to the root of these problems Ms.Mitchell? The root as in the television shows, the ‘worldly’ exposure of women thru advertising? the showing and parading around of women in scantilly dressed clothing? the young teenage pregnancies contributing to non-parenting of young kids growing up to continue the trend of what I just previously mentioned? …why cop out or take the ez route on problems and blame all MEN for creating this problem? isnt it the mothers who raise these men? Im not understanding this pointing the finger sista? is that what the bible says? …

Black Privileged Male
Khemis

6-10-2009 5:36 pm

O lord no!!! dat’ booty looking too sweet to look past it. I’m not saying one should lust but it’s a thing of beauty and it should be admired. It’s nature at it’s best if you ask me. It goes right along with the other beautiful things that nature provides. I’m not gonna say that’s all there is to a woman because that’s not true. We all have a brain and we should utilize it well to our ability. But, all I’m saying is “a woman’s beauty is to be admired”.
Saudi C.

6-10-2009 5:33 pm

Me being a butt man, I have 2 say that I need something 2 hold on 2, when it comes 2 a woman. Its just that women in 2009, are so geared towards money, they use their bvooty 2 get the material things n the thugs, n jackasses tha treat them wrong n give them a burnt impression of all men, because these are the type of men they look 4. The majority of women wont know a good man if he ran her over by a car, bike, scooter, or whatever. Women still havent realized that they get treated according 2 how they present themselves 2 us!
Walt

6-10-2009 5:33 pm

This article was truly a blessing and deals with something I struggle with everyday. I pray that I can get it right for God at least once before I leave this earth!
DCB514

6-10-2009 5:33 pm

AMEN! In the current state of affairs where HIV is on the raisde in OUR community and the fact that 70 % of the marriages of the last two decades are in divorce court, we need to reevaluate what is important and lasting. Women, take this advice too. Instead of the bad boy with the muscles and curly hair and large appendage who will expose you to many things not good for you, look for the good guy with a degree and a home and car and love him truly and honestly without lies or games. Your life will be truly benefited. Again, AMEN.
J

6-10-2009 5:31 pm

chicks always displaying the booty so why not .. they never gonna put it up so why not throw cash at it
Marc

6-10-2009 5:26 pm

Nice advice…but not worth a dime!
If men stopped looking at and admiring women’s “assets’” Taht would be another thing added to the issues that women have with men.
Thanks, but no thanks.
Brothas…keep zeroing in on the booty!
Gentlemen101

6-10-2009 5:21 pm

First of all i would like to say great post and a great positive message, the reality is most men first reaction is the physical aspect of a woman because that whats diplayed visually, if we had the power to look into a woman’s mind that would be great, we tend to do that as we get know that female then we take it from there and as men we need to improve on that some of us do and some of us don’t,but in all honestly black women have the most beautiful bodies on earth,but your point is valid and very true i can’t disagree
jpzgosh

6-10-2009 5:19 pm

I agree with what J Sims response was.I applaud her for stepping up to the plate and hitting a home run.Now days a man still has to keep his player and mack card because the average is checking him out.She checking to see what he has and what’s in his wallet.So if i got to pay for it.I hope she got a bang’n booty…”)
Lovinglife1981

6-10-2009 5:15 pm

I ablsolutely LOVE this article. It gave me encouragement to push past the lonely days/moments and know that God will bless me with the right man soon enough.
Kevin

6-10-2009 5:10 pm

I look at it this way 95% of women are looking at a man’s financial status and then guaging his sexual appeal FIRST!!

You ever heard the saying “A woman know’s in the first 30 seconds whether your going to get some ass or not tonight” So how is a man to be held to a higher standard?

Sexual Attraction is a woman’s most powerful weapon… How many men you know discuss a woman’s shoe’s, matching outfit etc…

You make a valid point when considering a lifetime mate but a man’s erection at that moment is not guided by thoughts of a 25th wedding anniversary but by the motion of a woman’s body….

(Just My Opinion) and no I am not a ManW***e…lol
LUILUIANI

6-10-2009 5:04 pm

I TOTALLY AGREE KUDOS TO THE EDITOR
SAMSSOUL

6-10-2009 5:01 pm

YES! ITS ABOUT TIME THIS TOPIC HAS BEEN TOUCHED ON!MOST MEN DONT THINK OF THE WOMAN AS MORE THAN A PIECE. THIS IS WHY SO MANY RELATIONSHIPS FALL TO PIECES.SEXY IS FLEETING A TRU CONNECTION CAN STAND THE TEST OF TIME.
LUTHER

6-10-2009 4:51 pm

i wanna let ya black sister know cross the world whatever ya at
ya need to be real tell the truth about them self.

What the hell is wrong with these black sister?
these black sister these day are looking for a nigga on the street that have money,car,house and jewelry.it is truth it out there and ya black know this.
ro

6-10-2009 4:40 pm

Great blog! I couldnt agree more. As a female, I get tired of the physical appearance being the main point of a guy talking to you (or lack thereof). Get to know the woman for who she truly is. You’ll be happy you did.
sweetness

6-10-2009 4:30 pm

I THANK YOU WOMAN OF GOD THAT YOU HAVE SPOKEN AND IT IS SO TRUE!!! I AM ALSO A MOTHER OF 4 SON’S AND I TALKED TO THEM ALL THE TIME ABOUT TRULY SEEKING GOD WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR MATE’S BE IT GIRLFRIEND OR MARRIAGE IT’S GOOD TO KNOW THAT A WOMAN LIKE YOU IS SPREADING THE WORD, EVEN IN OUR ERROR AS WOMAN AND MEN. MAY GOD BLESS YOU AND I THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU HAVE WRITTEN AND I WILL CHECK MYSELF IN SOME AREA’S AS WELL WHERE I FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE BETTER. CORRECTION IS GREAT AND CONVICTION IS CHANGE SO LISTEN UP YOU PEOPLE SMILE& WINK……SUGAR_BUT_NICE
k-see

6-10-2009 4:22 pm

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!HELL NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! WE LUV DA BOOTY!!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S CRAZY TALK YOUR ALL CRAZY….SINCE THE BEGINING OF TIME MAN HAS WATCHED THE BOOTY…..DONT FIGHT WHAT YOU ARE
Moonya

6-10-2009 4:21 pm

Very well written article i am happy Elev8 finally gets some attention,The writers on here are amazing, always trying to uplift us and i am so proud of you, Keep up the good work
4_sa-kin

6-10-2009 4:21 pm

That’s life. We have always been looking at physical attributes. Men do it, women do it, everyone market beauty that’s life
ONANUTHALVL

6-10-2009 12:36 pm

I agree! I posted a blog on my page concerning the fact that majority of the users tend to read the headlines of all the other BP sponsored sites and very few are led to click on this site. Also, they are quick to respond to the other articles regarding entertainers and other celebrities and the attention of very few are directed towards words of advice and encouragement that can inspire many to lead wholesome and enriching lives.
J Sims

6-10-2009 11:42 am

It would be nice to if women were to get the same advice (look beyond his muscles and what he “has.”)
werty

6-10-2009 10:30 am

Here is the deal =…the women who can walk the walk arent stand outs…it is usually the top of the line women that just is right for most men….and then when you speak on character we have to ask what kind of mindset and character is the man in…people differ in philosophys religious and otherwise so whats a character issue in your eyes may not be in mine.
werty

6-10-2009 10:25 am

yeah but ppl too lazy to put name and an email in though, after conviently doing it from the orignal site that links to this.
werty

6-10-2009 10:23 am

even though they dont check for email addy etc
werty

6-10-2009 10:22 am

yeah but ppl dont wanna have to sign up
KODIACK

6-10-2009 10:10 am

With more headings like this ELEV8 will get more hits…