How Many Kids Do You Want? Why?
Psalm 127:3-5 (The Message)
“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.”
Whenever most people find out that I have four children and that mine is not a blended family, they usually grimace or let out a whistle and sigh, accompanied by a rolling of the eyes.
The truth is, I have always wanted at least four children. Both my husband and I came from blended families with 3 and 5 children respectively. Perhaps it was my upbringing as a Roman Catholic, or maybe it was growing up under the parentage of two people who each came from larger families. My father was one of eight. My mother was the oldest of six. Perhaps the Lord just impressed it upon me directly. I don’t know. But I have always enjoyed the idea of having what I consider to be a “medium-sized” family.
In his word, over and over, God reveals that he values children greatly. Whatever God values, so should we believers. Yet I am often surprised to find out how many people view their children as a burden. When I was expecting my second child, older (presumably) wiser women would ask me if she was the last. My answer was always the same, “I have no idea.” Sometimes they responded with derision and spite to that comment. Sometimes they encouraged me. The truth is, I still don’t know if we’re done. While I personally don’t foresee the Mitchells’ having any more children, I have learned to never underestimate what God wants.
I have searched the scriptures on this topic and have come to the conclusion that a godly family has nothing to do with the number of children you have, whether you are a blended family or not, whether your children are adoptive, biological or spiritual. I believe God allows us to make that decision. What does concern him is our lack of consideration for his plan for our family.
A few years back, good friends of my family paid us a visit. At the time we lived hundreds of miles apart, so the visit was one of those all-day-hang-out affairs. It was great. At some point the subject came around to children. Our friends had two, we had just had our fourth. When I asked if they were done, I was surprised at the husband’s answer. I don’t remember it verbatim, but it went something like, “Oh yeah. Two is all we can afford.” This response stopped me in my tracks. Not because I hadn’t heard it before. But because this man had always been so careful to make sure that he followed God’s lead in every area of his life. Yet it seemed to me that in this one area, he had let his wallet determine how many people he should bring into this world.
I asked him, “How do you know?” He paused, for understanding. I persisted. “How do you know that two children are all and will ever be all you can afford? Do you know where you will be financially in twenty or thirty years?” He considered my questions and admitted that perhaps he and his wife should go back and talk to God. And they did.
That was nearly three years ago. My friends still have two children. He and I have spoken since then on the subject. He appreciated my willingness to challenge him. He and his wife are open to the idea of more children, but they are fine with two for now.
Understand I am not advocating big families over smaller families. As I stated before, neither makes you a more godly person. What I am advocating, however, is to seek the Lord’s perspective in this very important area and submit to whatever he wants. Living a godly life, means allowing his perspective to transform our thinking – not allowing the world’s thinking to box us in. We believers pursue God for every other area of our lives: career, calling, spouse, church home, place of service, dating, money. Why not ask God how many children he wants us to have? I’m sure he’s got an answer for each one of us.
It’s never too soon or too late to begin to ask God about children. If you are willing, ask God if , how, and when he would have you add to your family.
Be blessed, Family.
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Comments
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*Would it be selfish not to have any children of my own and just adopt? There are so many babies that are found in dumpsters by mothers who are understandibly scared, irresponsible, or just decided at random that they don’t want to be mothers anymore. My heart goes out to orphan children who know little or no history about themselves. So to say that I want children is a statement that can be true, but when it comes to my own, I’m hesitant.*
I’m a late starter to motherhood..LOL! I had my 1st child this year @ the age of 36. I’m not financially where I want to be, but then again who is? However, btwn my fiancee & myself our daughter is well taken care of. Will I have other children….@ my age who knows. If we are blessed with another child, we’re going to love & take care of them to the fullest & very best of our ability. My only thing is this: IF U KNOW UR ALREADY STRUGGLING 2 BARELY TAKE CARE OF URSELF, DON’T BRING A CHILD(REN) INTO THIS WORLD IF U CAN’T TAKE CARE OF THEM. NOTICE I SAID “U” & NOT THE HARDWORKING PPL THAT GET OUT HERE & BUST THEIR A**ES & HAVE 2 PAY FOR UR CHILDREN THAT U CAN’T OR WON’T TAKE CARE OF!!
I’m a VERY LATE starter when it comes to children! I had my first child this year @ the age of 36. I’m not as financially set as I’d like to be…but then again who is? I am the youngest of 9 (some half brothers & sisters but u’d never know cuz we don’t even feel like it.) I have 22 nieces & nephews & 11 great nieces & nephews. I’ve babysat them ALL!! I love children. How many more will I have? Don’t know yet…whatever the Lord blesses me with. I always knew children were a gift & blessing, but until I had my little 1….I really had no concrete idea! If u have the means 2 support urself & ur child(ren) & they’re WELL taken care of & UR NOT LIVING OFF OF HARDWORKING PPL’S $ then do what u do.
butterflycover- I agree with what you are saying. I dont think the whole article should be taken literally. But its just that someone shouldnt say they can never have more kids if they dont know what the future may bring. If you never do then thats fine but if you find someone you want to have a child with then you shouldnt limit yourself. People are spoiled with a lot of luxuries and a child can be the best luxury ever. The love you get from them is priceless.
babygirl007 even if you dont get along with others children that has nothing to do with the love you will have for your own. When you have your own child you can teach them what you believe are good morals and values. What you see in other children will not be what you see in yours. I’m sure that you will change your mind once you have a child. I have 2 daughters and they are my world. Having children changes how you feel about alot.
I’M 33 YEARS OF AGE WILL SEE 34 IN DECEMBER BY THE GRACE OF GOD. I RECENTLY HAD A MISCARRIAGE ABOUT 2 WEEKS AGO THAT DEVESTATED ME AND SENT ME INTO DEPRESSION. I DON’T HAVE CHILDREN, I LOVE CHILDREN AND I WOULD LOVE TO THE MOMMY TO A CHILD. I’M PRAYING TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN IF GOD’S WILL.
i don’t really want kids. i enjoy quiet and peace. children seem to not know what that is. that’s why i don’t have any. it would take a lot for me to change my mind as i’ve never known more than 10 kids i really like.
i want as many as i can afford!
Somewhere from 3-5. Some of you parent(s) complain about how hard it is to raise a children. Well, if you closed your legs in the first, you wouldn’t be in the position you are right now. Having kids isn’t that difficult if you love children, and know what you’re doing. Nobody said it was going to be easy either. I have been surrounded by kids practically my whole life, and I still love them.
Zero
fxck the bible, its written by man and God is a figment of all of you silly people’s imagination.
Children are a responsibility mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually let’s not forget physically. I have one and I am a single parent. The other parent does not understand all those aspects to raising a child therefore. I will not be having more till I am better equipped financially. We can’t take scripture out of context that was written at a time when the world was not as populated.
The Author seems to have taken this scripture way out of context, notice her mentioning her friend. Better to be a effective parent to a few than a lousy parent to so many. As blacks having a whole gang of children is the last thing we should consider. Seeing the fact that 57% of black households are single parents.
as much as i can take care of
I already have a son and now I want a daughter! I was fortunate enough to have my biological Mom & Dad my entire life! They were married and stuck 2gether until my Dad’s passing 3 years ago (July 23rd, 2006) when we lost him to Cancer. I was one of 2 siblings. My younger sister & me. I want a girl now, but I want to be married this time. I have had her name picked out since I was in my early 20’s. Note 2 ‘MiamisFinest86′.. & ‘Da_Illest_Chick’-> 10 Kids & 12 or 13 Kids??!! Do you realize that even 3 FULL-TIME Jobs (which will take up ALL 24 hours of everyday) wouldn’t be enough to take care of all those Kids??!! Even if you tried that, you’ll be dead within a Month! We are in a R-E-C-E-S-S-I-O-N, people!!
I’d like to have 4 children. I am an only child and I know how lonely it can be. I do want to get married first and then have children. My mother wasn’t married and even though my father was a part of my life my mother had to do so much for me. I always joke that I want a big family because I haven’t had my first child who knows how the birth process will change my decision. I am scared to death of raising a family. I am on 21 but the world today is not like it used to be. There are so many dangers. I worry that I can’t protect my future children and lead them in the right direction. My main fear is doing it alone. I know that God will help you through the tough times but I feel that both mother and father have an important role is shaping a child to be a great person. Until I meet a man who I feel is right I am going to try as hard as I can to wait on children.
I want to marry and have 3-5 children. …can’t wait
I thought i wanted to make 3 kids, am so glad i didnt lol…this world is all fuk’d up, i would not want any of my kids coming this route.
0 children.
One of the major things I fear in life is being a single mother and not very many people in this society are jumping on the marriage wagon and raising children togethor. I’ve seen all of my friends struggle being single parents ( guys and girls) in addition to taking care of themselves.
there are still people out there conceiving for all the wrong reasons. ( To trap a man/woman, money) whatever their reasons may be, unless the right man comes along in my life out of the sky (which is impossible) I will not conceive period.
No kids if 0 counts. Has anybody seen how s**tty this world is, A big reason people have kids is to fill a void in they’re lives. If I was to have one I would probably adopt since there are so many starving and unwanted children in the world.
i want 10 children. i always wanted a big family
I want 2 kids a boy and a girl i have 1 girl now i just want a son just waiting for the right girl but i would take 3 kids if it happens
I have 2 biological children and as of 8/24/09 will begin phase one of fostering and eventually adopting my first child. I wish to have 5 children total…….I can not say why with words; I believe it is something God places there as a desire to continue a people. Children are so very beautiful and their spirits are so very free. All are not meant to parent them, but I believe I have been gifted to do so.
well the bible is right by its self in saying be fruitful and multiply. plus ive learned that having more children is for the benefit of having someone to care for you in old age. not just you caring for them.
children are a gift from god and i want a few but no more than i can care for. im not gonna have 5 kids and barley be able to feed them just because i can. ill probably stop at 2 or 3 if im able to i may adopt 1 as well. i guess i dont believe in bringing life into this word if you cant take care of your self first
so do you think god created abortion for woman to have becaseu they have too many kids?
Actually i dont kno how many God ordain for me but i wana have 2 kids atleast adopt 1 beacause i like odd numbers though i learnt is not good i mean odd numbers but i like it anyway. Cheers
Zero.
zero — it’s pretty selfish on some level. Everyone should adopt – there are so many unwanted children out there and the earths resources can’t sustain the overpopulation much longer
i would want 2 kids because i am ready to have a family of my own
I want 12 or 13 children, lol.. I come from a BIG family also. I have 18 brothers and sisters (not all by the same parent, most of them are half siblings) but I love em all. I love children as well. And I cannot wait to start a family. And I am doing whatever I need to do to prepare for that..
ALOT! SUMBODY IS GONNA HAVE TO HELP FIGHT AGAINST SATAN IN THE FUTURE!
Does 0 count ?