Why “Hooking Up” Is Not The Move
Luke 6:38 (New International Version)
“Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Watching one of my new favorite shows, which revolves around high-schoolers (my term for adult actors who portray teens on T.V.), on the CW (I know, which one doesn’t?), I was reminded of the criteria for “hooking up.” There isn’t any – not really. If (s)he is cute “enough” and willing, it’s a perfect match made: here on earth, for: as long as it lasts. The attitude is that as long as both people consent, what’s the big deal? Nobody gets hurt. Everybody leaves happy and satisfied, right? Ummm – Let’s examine that.
Whenever the conversation steers around to biblical morality, folks get nervous because they think all they’re gonna hear about is what they can’t do and condemnation for what they’ve already done, or are in the habit of doing. But I’m here to encourage you to consider looking at “hooking up” from a different perspective. Instead of asking why we shouldn’t, let’s ask “Why should we hook-up?”
Before continuing, let’s define the term. To “hook up” with someone is to encounter them sexually on some level. At its most “benign” hooking up is tongue-kissing and heavy petting (i.e. groping). In the instances where alcohol is involved, I prefer to call it “drunken fumbling.” No part of the body is off limits to wandering, prying, poking, prodding hands and fingers, and/or darting tongues. At its most extreme, hooking up involves, but is not limited to, penetration. Anal, oral, vaginal insertion of the penis or another object for mutual satisfaction is usually the focus of the encounter.
Now that we’re clear on what hooking up is, let’s examine why we should do it.
Hooking up is exciting.
To spot someone you find attractive and set about getting close to that person as a means of sexual conquest can be an entertaining and engaging endeavor. One of the benefits is that a long-term commitment is neither required nor necessarily expected. So a person is free to satiate a natural urge without having to expend the energy required to sustain a relationship or (depending upon the people involved) a conversation. It’s as easy to understand as the concept behind fast-food restaurants. Drive up, grab what you want, fill up, move on. Although hook-ups can often serve as the introduction to longer term relationships, the name itself explains the point. Hook ups are temporary. You hook up. You unhook. You get on with your life.
I know and have known over the years several men and women who conduct their entire dating lives this way. Some have “broken down” and gotten married as a last resort to ending up alone, once they got older. Some are determined to maintain their bachelor or bachelorette status – maintaining that the freedom they experience is worth it. Almost every one of the people I know who have pursued a hook up lifestyle, however, have at some point confessed to just feeling tired. For some of them, there came a point when hooking up was not enough anymore. Their hearts desired more than a temporary fix could provide. While their souls ached to belong to and to be accepted by someone, their physical encounters prevented just that. While hook ups can be convenient, like fast food, building a life around them can lead to long term problems and possibly death. But if you are not a spiritual person and figure that you may as well die happy, then you might not be like any of the folks I know, and growing tired of the repetition might not be something you’ll ever encounter.
Hooking up is an easy short cut to physical intimacy.
At least for the few moments that the people involved come together (no pun intended) there exists a semblance of closeness. Body to body, heartbeat to heartbeat, warm skin to warm skin, gives two people a glimpse of something profound and beautiful. The fact that what they experience is a counterfeit of true love is besides the point. For the moment, they experience a one-of-kind-experience (as unique as they are) with another human being – one that is as old as humanity itself – and gratifying, at least until it’s over.
Hooking up teaches us how to treat sex purely as a biological function.
“It didn’t mean anything,” says the girlfriend who sleeps with her best friend’s man. “It just happened,” the cheating boyfriend offers lamely. I’d add “sheepishly” except that the more sophisticated and advanced we become as a culture, the less embarrassment we feel over doing “what comes naturally.” Sex is just sex after all – no biggie. If God didn’t want us to have it, he would have never invented it. Does He put restrictions on it?
Hooking up keeps things light and fun.
All that is required to hook up time after time is to make sure that you don’t cultivate any feelings above your waist for another human being. Two consenting adults don’t need permission to objectify one another for the sake of being able to connect at will and at random. It really only becomes a drag if one or the both of them start to get too attached and insist on forcing a relationship out of a purely physical encounter. Squeezing blood from a turnip is probably easier and much more gratifying. But to each his own.
Hooking up is a form of freedom.
I am certain that no HIV/AIDS patient would disagree with this statement. Hooking up leaves you free to contract every sexually transmitted disease in existence, which is not really a problem since health care is inexpensive and relatively easy to come by, especially if you’re unemployed and living in the United States. For those who live life with no restraints, refusing to get tested for STD’s is the ultimate expression of freedom. Refusing to get tested means that you have no responsibility to share any unpleasant news about your health with your sexual partners, because you have no knowledge that anything is wrong with you. Ignorance is bliss after all.
Hooking up is great practice for divorce.
I can think of no better way to ensure that you will experience divorce than by sleeping around or committing to sexual serial monogamy – and not for the reason you think. In a mutually exclusive relationship, like marriage, habitually having sex with someone who is not your spouse can certainly put a quick end to it. But the truth is that many marriages survive adulterous affairs. Hooking up and sexual serial monogamy program us to give ourselves physically to another then leave. In this case, sexual serial monogamy may be even more harmful because it mimics marriage more so than hooking up does. Really they are just two sides of the proverbial coin. Hooking up is the practice of seeing what you want and going after it. You have sex and then leave right away. While sexual serial monogamy involves developing an emotional and spiritual bond, reinforcing it with a sexual bond, then breaking up – y’know – eventually. But again – you may be one of those people who thinks divorce is great. In fact, you may be one of those people who refuses to marry because you’re convinced that divorce is inevitable. And in the case of sexual serial monogamists – you just might be right.
In summary, we should engage in hooking up because:
Hooking up is exciting.
Hooking up is an easy short cut to physical intimacy.
Hooking up teaches us how to treat sex as a biological function.
Hooking up keeps things light and fun.
Hooking up is a form of freedom.
Hooking up (or it’s close cousin, sexual serial monogamy) is great practice for divorce.
When I look at this list, albeit incomplete, all I can see is that hooking up and sexual serial monogamy are frauds. They profess to offer (in theory) what in fact they cannot produce. As exciting as hooking up can be, nothing is more soul-stirring than the genuine, committed love between a man and wife, which culminates in hot, steamy or slow sensual sex (take your pick). Sex like this is enhanced because it is a by-product of an intimacy born out of communion – an exchange of thoughts, feelings, deeds, goals, plans, hopes, dreams, accomplishments, struggle, triumphs, and tragedies – not the microwave of a crowded club perfumed by cologne, sweat, body heat, pheromones, and alcohol. Although sex is a biological event, it is a beautiful and unique way God has gifted a husband and wife to achieve unity, not just of body, but of souls. Sex is a soul-joining act, sacred – set apart for – and most beautiful within a God-ordained marriage. To treat it as anything less is to cheapen and distort it. Although many people claim not to have a problem with divorce, many divorced people often regret theirs. I have yet to meet a couple who entered marriage hoping that it would end in divorce. Why is that?
I think it’s because we are designed to engage in life-giving relationships. We are designed to benefit from intimacy – true intimacy. Fraudulent intimacy, which is usually physical only, destroys our souls and hardens our hearts. Fraudulent intimacy is based on taking, sucking, stealing, and perverting. True intimacy is based on giving, often sacrificially for the good of another human being. Where fraudulent intimacy objectifies, true intimacy cherishes and imparts value, leaving those who participate in it built-up, encouraged, strengthened, hopeful. Did you experience any of these from your last hook up?
When we learn to tell counterfeit from True Love, then we stand a chance of discovering a glimpse of the true communion for which we were ultimately created. All love has but one Source. The genuine love we experience in this reality is but a small, tantalizing taste of what awaits us in eternity. That is why counterfeits exist. If you can manage to clutter your life with fakes, you will remain distracted long enough to never pursue the The Real Thing (and we’re not talking soda here), until you run out of time. No one lives forever. Stop wasting your time. You deserve better. Don’t settle.
I encourage you, Family, don’t be duped, punked, played, tricked, or deceived. Whatever and wherever you invest your time, energy, talents, efforts, or love is what you will have in the end. With that truth in mind, I assure you that hooking up is not the move. You are far too valuable to engage in such debasing behavior. Dare to reach higher. Do you agree or disagree? Let me know. I’d love to read your thoughts!
Be blessed Family!
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Comments
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Now this was a good article.
Do you mean to tell me that grown-ass people need to be given reasons not to hook up?
as a non- christian and respectful for others beliefs—-
“JUDGE NOT AND BE NOT YE JUDGED!”
“LET HE WHO HAS NOT SINNED THROW THE FIRST STONE”
“FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND FALLEN SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD”
enuff said!!!!
I agree with Angelix … to each thier own
Marriage is not for everyone and neither i hooking up, but if one is gonna hook up, they had better keep it safe.
As for me … I have done the hook up thing, but in time it does loose its appeal, I am at the point I would like to have something more than just a hookup eventually.
Hooking is not a great thing. I mean sex with a bunch of people no feelings involved is really not my thing, but to some people they have no problem with that at all. Personally I have heard stories of people hooking up and the dudes and chicas have left them in the hotels n some have been robbed and some have contracted some nasty “STD”… when hooking most of the time no questions are asked and boom u get a disgusting surprise. Hooking is really just to get a bit of satisfaction for the moment, with consequences that can last a lifetime if not prepared and safe such as condom use. But hey just my opinion. I have a friend that does that she literally hooked up with most of the dudes at the job, and than wonders why after having sex with each dude in their once why they were calling her degrading names, I mean shoot what else should she expect. Personally for me I at least need to be in a relationship and have to be feeling something for the dude on a whole other level than physical, but hey to each their own, but if u r going to do it, WRAP IT UP, THERE IS NO REASON TO PAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE FOR A MOMENT OF PLEASURE IF EVEN THAT…..BE SAFE AT LEAST…..
people who say people shouldnt hook up probably aint gettin none or not gettin it good enuff. people do what they wanna-we all make the choice to do what we please and what pleases us, if two people wanna hook up thats on them-i dont give a f**k about it-they do they business and its they business. i think that if its gonna go down at least be smart about it and have safe sex-no one can control if a condom breaks-sh*t happens. God created man and woman for the benefit of one another and sexual relations is part of it-how we choose to do it is up to us. anglix got a point-well a few, but people who believe in God hook up too-some of the horniest and freakiest people are in the church-but religion is about control. anyway, hooking up aint the move for everybody but it is for some. to each his own and where a guy buries his bone or if a woman has a bone buried in her is not for us to judge-we aint God and shouldnt act so self rightous about it. you only live once so we gotta be smart about what we do but at the same time we gotta play it safe if we gonna hook up.
The rate of breakage of a condom is between 0.4% and 2.3%. That’s less than 1 to 2 out of every 100 condom users, and mainly due to incorrect use and going past the expire date. I had a condom break on me once in my life, and that was before they had expiration dates and that sucker was old when I put it on and I knew it, but I was young and …well you know. I was young . . .
Don’t know why believing in God is relevant. People who believe in God hook-up too. Do you know the catholic church frowns on condom use? I wonder how many catholics use them? I bet many do.
Like I said hooking up is not for everyone. Neither is celibacy (which is 100% BTW) and some people are just not interested in marriage. To each his own.
Condoms break and no amount of prevention is 100% then you got folks that really don’t believe in G-d or respect his word not caring winding up pregnant and aborting babies. I agree 100% with this article if you are sleeping around its your life but when consequences come don’t b***h and complain or blame society etc. My favorite is chicks who go out and make a ton of kids by different daddys then yell that i can’t get a good man routine. What good man wants to deal with the drama. I would not trade my wife for the world and just hearing what goes on in the dating scene now a days id be single forever if i wasnt married and it would def be by choice.
I don’t think “hooking up” leads to disease and un-wanted children. I think not being safe about it is what leads to those things. If someone wants to sleep around,no one else should have anything negative to say about it unless they aren’t being safe.
Lmao @ bootycalls! If people are doing it, it’s their business, although there is a downfall, and warnings that come along wit it. I read where guys are doing HIT-n-RUNS and leaving da feamles hanging, some females get pregnant, some get STD’s, H.I.V. or A.I.D.S., so if u do hook up, at least ask important questions lol! Personally I think sex is overrated. Hopefully people will make better, wiser and intelligent decisions when listening to ur genital area. Don’t be weak!
Hooking up is not for everybody, but if you do does that make you a bad person? I’d say no.
Does that mean something is wrong with you? Again I say no.
Some people date as a means of finding someone.
Others “hook-up” Doesn’t mean they have “issues”, and I don’t think they should be stigmatized for it.
You can put everyone in a box and say we should all behave in the way you think we should based on your morals, philosophy or your religion. Human beings are just not built that way.
Be safe all.
This is a really good article.
Interesting article. I think “hooking up” aka “booty calls” is a symptom of bigger problems: not having LOVE in relating to ourself (and therefore others)and not being conscious (present) with our mates. If we start to look at relationships as ways to HEAL each other,learn, grow spiritually and share LOVE then “hooking up” naturally falls away. For me, now on my path where there is no LOVE there can be no SEX. Now don’t get it twisted. I don’t think that just b/c I’m bout to put a codom on it I have to be ready to “put a ring on it”. Lol.What I’m saying though is that once I cross the threshold of sex with a woman I am COMMITED to her and my growth for however long we date.(even if we see other people in the meantime)Lastly, I do think people need to explore more forms of relating to see what works for them, monogamy is not for everyone.
Interesting article. I think “hooking up” aka “booty calls” is a symptom of bigger problems: not having LOVE in relating to ourself (and therefore others)and not being conscious (present) with our mates. If we start to look at relationships as ways to HEAL each other,learn, grow spiritually and share LOVE then “hooking up” naturally falls away. For me, now on my path where there is no LOVE there can be no SEX. Now don’t get it twisted. I don’t think that just b/c I’m bout to put a codom on it I have to be ready to “put a ring on it”. Lol.What I’m saying though is that once I cross the threshold of sex with a woman I am COMMITED to her and my growth for however long we date.(even if we see other people in the meantime)Lastly, I do think people need to explore more forms of relating to see what works for them, monogamy is not for everyone.
I agree totally with Ingrid. How can so many people of today NOT treat their bodies with so much more care and higher standard? We buy nice material items, cars, homes, jewelery etc…and wont allow so much as a scratch to be put on them…Why is it we dont treat our BODIES with the same high respect? We wouldnt dare let some stranger jump in our cars, or live in our homes, or wear our clothing, or our latest pair of Jordans..but we will use all of these attributes to very easily allow someone, some stranger who’s ‘cute’ enough to enter our bodies and possibly change our lives forever with no commitment behind it, no loyalty excepted, no meaning at all outside of an orgasm. I do not follow the bible, I belong to no religious organization, but one does not have to be a ‘good christian’ (I use the term lightly because those good christians are ‘hooking up’ left and right!), to know that this isnt the way we were intended to live our intimate, personal lives with the opposite sex.
I agree totally with Ingrid. How can so many people of today NOT treat their bodies with so much more care and higher standard? We buy nice material items, cars, homes, jewelery etc…and wont allow so much as a scratch to be put on them…Why is it we dont treat our BODIES with the same high respect? We wouldnt dare let some stranger jump in our cars, or live in our homes, or wear our clothing, or our latest pair of Jordans..but we will use all of these attributes to very easily allow someone, some stranger who’s ‘cute’ enough to enter our bodies and possibly change our lives forever with no commitment behind it, no loyalty excepted, no meaning at all outside of an orgasm. I do not follow the bible, I belong to no religious organization, but one does not have to be a ‘good christian’ (I use the term lightly because those good christians are ‘hooking up’ left and right!), to know that this isnt the way we were intended to live our intimate, personal lives with the opposite sex.
I agree with Carmel, its a lost cause …. most people today are nasty like that…. yuk, no thank , I rather die a virgin.
Don’t waste your time Ingrid, don’t even waste your time. If they didn’t get it they never will lol.
WOW…Manbeast78, I think you missed the cynicism in the discourse of Sheeri’s “Hooking Up” bullets. I believe it was intended to sarcastically enlighten it’s readers that “hooking up” is NOT the business ~ UNLESS you want to contract STDs, are interested in NEVER committing and continually objectifying each other along the course. I think this article was BRILLIANT! Bravo!!
wow ur really smart to be encouraging everyone to hook up instead of getting in a relationship i dont think ur qualified that is the most ignorant thing ive heard keep hooking up randomly and watch what happens pregancy diseases dumb ass b***h
I agree with Hebrew everyone has something to say about Lola Luv but nothing about issues that matter. I found this article relevant and enlightening. Not that I ever felt hooking up was ok but it is a reminder as to why. We get desensitized by the media and sometimes our friends on the importance and beauty of sex. Its not just something to do but it is a joining of souls even if u don’t want it to be.
STDs and un-wanted children by random strangers is “cool” right ???
FUNNY HOW ALL THE ‘NO-ACCOUNT’, ‘GOOD-FOR-NOTHING’, AND ‘GOSSIPY’ ARTICLES HAVE COMMENTS, BUT ONE AS ENGAGING, INTERESTING AND PLAIN OL’ TRUTHFUL LIKE THIS ONE DOESN’T. I’M GLAD TO BE THE FIRST. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS ARTICLE. YOUNG PEOPLE, (AS WELL AS SOME OF US, MY AGE GROUP, THE 30-SOMETHINGS)EVERYWHERE NEED TO READ THIS!!!