You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back- Barbara De Angelis

I must admit I am a romantic at heart and at the same time a realist. So I truly believe in love. I also believe and have experienced that you can have the wish list of “my type” of guy, yet end up loving someone who is totally opposite of what you wanted or expected. Hence my cougar theory:

Cougar- a term used to describe a woman who dates a much younger man.

I honestly believe if you ask most women who are deemed cougars, 7 out of 10 would admit that they would prefer to date someone closer to their own age. However, quite a few so called “cougars” are happy that they ventured out past their comfort zone.

Personally, I have not been a fan of the “cougar” fad. I think the word cougar is what really turned me the wrong way. It is as if women are predators or something, if we choose to date a younger man. But men are considered studs and are celebrated if they date a younger woman. Outside of that, I really don’t have an opinion either way. Honestly, to each his own, do you as long as you are happy.

However in the past few months, I have really noticed that a lot of  younger men really have their act together. Some of the men that I have met in passing have been very grounded, focused, goal oriented visionaries, who are serious about the direction of their lives, as well as they desire a committed relationship, one that leads to marriage.

While dining with friends, I met such a man, who happened to be our waiter. After exchanging the initial pleasantries, we discovered that we all had common interest, which opened the door to further conversation. He shared stories with us about his dreams, aspirations and his girlfriend. When asked if she was the one, shaking his head emphatically, YES! He stated:

“Most definitely, we have been in this relationship for six years, I am not going to let anyone else get her. I am vested.”

Our conversation also revealed that his girlfriend is 6’2 and I would venture to say that our waiter was maybe 5’6. Initially the height difference would throw you, but after talking with him throughout the night, we could see how the height difference would not even be an issue. Our waiter was very confident, charming, full of personality and goal oriented. His attentiveness was bar none. Now I am sure that you would say of course, he was your waiter, that is what he is suppose to do.

Initially he wasn’t, due to a mix up we were seated in his section by mistake and once realized he assisted in moving us to our original table. His demeanor, caring attitude and personality, caused us to request his service. Throughout the night we laughed and joked as if we were old friends. His transparency and honesty was very refreshing. In the end he earned more than just a tip, he earned our respect and accolades.

This is not an isolated incident but this exchange coupled with many others this year, have made me really step back and gain a new perspective on the “cougar”  trend. Based on my most recent experiences, I can see why women have a very strong attraction to younger men.  I also have learned that to be a cougar, you have to get past the stares, the disapproving looks and the judgment of others, especially your peers. You have to live your life for you and do what is going to make you happy.

Evaluating the price of being a cougar as well as listening to our waiter, really cause me to check myself. I had to really ask myself:

What have I not done, based on the opinion of others that might have brought joy into my life?

Thinking back, the only people who are not happy with women who are “cougars” are those who are not “cougars”. In the case of our waiter, I can imagine looks of disbelief of people seeing this significantly “height challenged”  (according to the world standards) couple. But they are happy and that is all that matters.

I believe as human beings, we are so careful to consider others opinions that we stifle our own  happiness and existence. Well, don’t! Only you can determine what makes you happy. So allow yourself the pleasure and freedom of loving someone who might not be your “traditional type”. Love outside the box.  Be it that they are older or younger. Do you! At the end of the day, you are the only person that can make you happy.

Here is to liberation and freedom in every area of your life! Love you! Do you! Be you! Set your standard for your life! I hope my epiphany has helped you gain a new perspective be it in love or life. We only have one life to live so live it.

Much love,

Judi

Disclaimer: I love and respect ALL men. This article highlights younger men under the umbrella of the cougar phenomenon. However I believe that all men, no matter the age have wonderful characteristics that are worth celebrating. So I salute you all!

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Written by: Judi Mason for www.elev8.com

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Hope is a word that can be over used and yet not used enough. When I think of all the words I could say that represents what keeps a person wanting to live nothing is more powerful than the word hope. When we really think about it the only reason you and I are here today is because our mom and dad at some point in their life hope to find love, a family, and maybe even to have a beautiful child just like you. Life has a way of bring so much discouragement through different problems and issues that we sometimes want to just give up. Have you ever asked yourself how did I make it through those tough exams back in college or how did I make it through a training session for a job or a giving sport? Well rather you knew it or not something called hope was down on the inside somewhere giving you the necessary energy to keep going another day. Yes it may be hard to believe that many great things in life all evolved on such a simple yet powerful word?

Hope by definition means a confident expectation based on something solid. Hope also means that something is “possible” based on sure knowledge or statics. If you are older than your teen years I am sure you know what it is to hope for something and it not come to pass. Because of our past experience hope then becomes harder to obtain the second time around but it can be done.  Many times in the past we may have had our hope in people or in things but this time around we have to remember that our hope has to be based on God’s word and His principles. We can’t place hope in things that are temporary and may change at any minute because this causes us to lose hope for future gain. Many people don’t have hope today because of bad memories of yesterday.  This one fact you should know and that is the fact that it’s in your past means it’s behind you and not in front of you.

You can find or rebuild your hope through many methods. Sometimes it may just be the smile of a child or a new baby being born into the family. Your hope can also be built by taking in new information or knowledge about a given circumstance. What you don’t know can hurt you and will definitely destroy your ability to have hope. People that quit are people that constantly hold on to past defeats and setbacks, but people who stay with it are people who see each event as an experience in life that they can say I made it through. So no matter how you chop it up it’s so important to let go of what you use to be and embrace what can be. Our current president ignited an entire country that was discouraged and frustrated on this one word. It is because of hope that Jesus himself died on the cross for our salvation. It was hope that caused many of our ancestors traveling near and far in deadly situations to continue the journey to freedom and a better life.  It was hope that caused one Jewish man to survive the holocaust holding on to see his wife and child even though they were both dead.  Don’t be dismayed today hold your head up and grab a hold of this simple thing called hope and you too will make it.

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Father,

I am doing my best to please you with all that I am and all that I have and all that you have given to me.  I know that the power of your Holy Spirit is at work within me to obtain wealth so that I do not have to live hand to mouth and that I would be able to help advance Your kingdom here on earth. Your Spirit is my spirit Lord.  We are one.  I am to accomplish even greater works than you did. I know that you are at work in the heart of the kings, stirring them like the rivers of water in order to grant me favor.  I know that you would never leave me nor forsake me.  I know that you have promised to bless the fruit of my hands. You said that YOU are my husband.

Father, I believe…help my unbelief!

——-

This has been a rough couple of days.  In the picking up the pieces of my life part of this journey I’ve been on, I bought a car so that my son and I could get from point A to point B.  I was so proud of my accomplishment.  We had the keys and were mobile.  Two days later I discovered it has a pre-existing transmission issue.  WHOA!  I can’t tell you how for the life of me I knew it was the transmission, but I did.  I think I remembered that AAMCO commercial from long ago when the car sputtered to get to the door of the mechanic.  Yup!  That’s me – just a sputtering.  Needless to say, I am incensed.  I’ve been back and forth with the used car dealer that I purchased it from who conveniently became ill the day I was to go in to trade it.  I thought to myself, what a crock.  It was at that very moment, in the thick of the goings on that I was reminded just how much the concept of being married really meant to me.  It wasn’t just the pillow talk.  It wasn’t just the license to intimacy, it’s was the fact of knowing that someone was there as a shoulder to lean on when I needed – the friendship, the ability to know that someone had my back – someone was there for me- ride or die (at least I thought that’s what was there for me). It became apparently clear in the exchanges I was having that I am completely and totally dependent upon God at this time in my life.  He is my husband. I need for Him to listen as I moan about the stuff in my life and for Him to show me how to visually embrace the wisdom that I already possess.  Now I know I am not the first woman to become a single mommy and I won’t be the last, but all I ask Him is to help my unbelief.  Help me catch a glimpse in these times where it seems the problem outweighs the solution.  I need that – because this is no joke!  I know for a fact that GREAT and mighty things are in store for me but the journey to greatness is a booger.  Here’s my reassurance, my Husband now…He NEVER lies.  He is incredible!  If He promised it…it’s a done deal.  So with that I say, “Thank you & Amen.”

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John 12:44-46 (The Message)

“Jesus summed it all up when he cried out, “Whoever believes in me, believes not just in me but in the One who sent me. Whoever looks at me is looking, in fact, at the One who sent me. I am Light that has come into the world so that all who believe in me won’t have to stay any longer in the dark.”

In his own words, Jesus assures us that to look at him is to look at God.  Where has your path or your mind become darkened?  Look to the Light for clarity and hope.