The Call to Sacrificial Love: Ephesians 5 for Husbands Explained
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Much of the conversation around marriage and singleness in Christian circles often centers on women. We frequently hear teachings geared toward preparing women to be wives, but we rarely see the same intentionality when it comes to men. Discussions about the role of husbands, their responsibilities in the home, or even how they should prepare for marriage are often absent. While this narrative is slowly shifting, it remains an essential topic.
With this in mind, I decided to sit down with Carlo Pannulo, a newly married Christian, to discuss his perspective on living out the biblical understanding of a husband’s role. Together, we unpacked the key attributes of God’s design for husbands, how these principles play out practically in marriage, and how he’s being shaped and encouraged in his journey.
What Does Ephesians 5 Teach About Husbands?
When Ephesians 5 comes up in church conversations about marriage, it’s often centered on the call for wives to submit to their husbands. However, what I find remarkable about this passage is that Paul doesn’t leave the responsibility one-sided. Instead, there’s a beautiful duality in the roles. Husbands are commanded to love their wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
The central theme here is sacrifice. There is no more excellent example of sacrifice for believers than Jesus’ death on the cross. Through His ultimate display of love, He redeemed and reconciled us to God. Paul calls husbands to reflect this same level of selflessness and devotion in their marriages.
Of course, God isn’t asking husbands to die for their wives literally. But what does it look like to spiritually die to oneself—to surrender pride, selfish desires, and even personal comfort for the sake of loving and serving their wives? I could share my thoughts, but I wanted Carlo’s perspective instead.
What Does Dying to Self Look Like in Marriage?
Carlo shared how his “dying to self” journey began long before marriage. As a single man actively pursuing God and waiting for marriage, he learned to deny his fleshly desires and submit his will to God. He believed the same discipline he developed during his singleness—putting God’s will before his own—would carry over into his marriage.
One practical example Carlo shared was an early challenge in marriage: his expectations around cleanliness. Being highly organized by nature, he anticipated a certain standard of order in his home. When this expectation wasn’t met, he found himself stepping in to handle the tasks himself, which led to physical and emotional burnout.
Through this experience, Carlo realized he was overstepping into roles his wife could take on and wasn’t allowing her the space to contribute in her own way. This humbling moment taught him the importance of relinquishing pride and practicing patience.
The Weight of Christ-Like Love
When asked about the significance of Ephesians 5, Carlo emphasized Christ’s humility. He referenced Jesus’ lifestyle of humility”…just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Matthew 20:28
For Carlo, this is a powerful model for husbands. Just as Christ served with humility and sacrificial love, husbands are called to lead by serving—not through domination but through grace and care.
Misunderstandings About a Husband’s Role
Carlo also addressed some common misconceptions about the role of a husband as defined in Ephesians 5. At a recent marriage conference, he learned about “attached” versus “detached” values. Society often compels husbands to view their role solely as providers only —working hard and expecting to be served at home. But this mindset misses the mark.
“Christ is the ultimate provider,” Carlo explained. Our job isn’t to hustle endlessly for our families but instead, we’re called to attach ourselves to God’s design—serving, leading, and loving sacrificially.
Another misunderstanding he pointed out relates to intimacy. Carlo believes some men enter marriage with the mistaken notion that they have full access to their wives’ bodies on their terms. “We don’t have that authority,” he said. Intimacy isn’t about entitlement; it’s about mutual respect and care.
Mutual Respect and Humility
Carlo also highlighted Ephesians 5:28: “In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” He explained that if a husband tries to dominate or take advantage of his wife, he’s not honoring her—or God. True love reflects the way Christ cherishes His church.
Advice for Husbands
When asked what advice he’d give to husbands striving to live out Ephesians 5, Carlo offered these practical tips:
- Stay grounded in Scripture. Constantly remind yourself of what God’s Word says about your role and responsibilities as a husband.
- Understand your wife’s needs. Take time to listen and respond to her needs with love, patience, and mercy.
- Practice humility. Even when you believe you’re right, humility matters more than winning an argument. Choose peace over pride.
- Seek accountability. Surround yourself with older, married men who can offer wisdom and support as you grow in your role.
Final Thoughts
Marriage is a journey of growth, humility, and selflessness. Ephesians 5 offers a challenging yet beautiful picture of being a husband—a call to embody Christ’s love, humility, and sacrifice. Carlo’s journey reminds us that the road isn’t always easy for those preparing for marriage or already walking in it, but it’s one of the most transformative paths of faith and love if you submit to God’s idea for marriage.
Sade Solomon is a NYC-based social media personality and multi-hyphenate creator who boldly and fashionably ignites authentic and candid conversations on topics surrounding intercourse, singleness, and abstinence. After embarking on her journey of abstinence in 2013, Sade began openly sharing her life-changing commitment on various online platforms while enlightening and inspiring many through her journey. In her book, Ready, Set, Wait, Sade peels back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a single Christian woman. Her work and commentary have been featured by Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Essence, Black Love, and XO Necole.
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