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Negotiated fidelity is next on the hot topic of behaviors. There’s been a lot of media attention for Holly Hill (aka Sugarbabe) a mistress-turned-author who says that our marriages would all be happier if women would just learn to accept infidelity.  I watched an episode of “Dr Phil” recently that discussed this phenomenon.  According to Ms. Hill, “It’s better to walk the dog on a leash than let it escape through an unseen hole in the fence.” And “…men are hard-wired to betray women on the long-term.”  She also thinks that charging her boyfriends $1000 per week for her company is not prostitution, but women who stay in unhappy marriages are just like prostitutes.  Okey dokey.

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This is offensive on so many levels, I hardly know where to begin.  She’s telling women that their husbands are inevitably going to cheat and that we’ll all be happier if we just accept it.  Really?!  When someone makes vows to us, we’re unreasonable nags if we expect them to mean it?  I expect to be honored, loved and respected by my husband, just as he promised.

A lot has been written about how womens’ expectations are set too high.  It’s tiresome and infuriating, but what really bothers me about this particular piece is Ms. Hill’s perception of men.  If a male author had written a book comparing women to dogs and calling us mindless animals, he would be burned at the stake.  But evidently it’s OK to treat men with such condescension and disregard.

Call me crazy, but I believe that men are intelligent beings.  They are adults who are responsible for their actions.  When a man behaves badly, it’s because he chooses to do so, not because he is biologically wired to be an jerk. Can’t we please raise the level of discourse about gender?  Wouldn’t it be nice if we could all be grown-ups and lose the “men are pigs, women are bitches” commentary?

What do you think?

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