Sade Solomon

Source: Sade Solomon / PushHerDigital

An open letter to single women of God:

You are not alone. Over the past 11 years of being single—yes, 11 years—I’ve experienced every range of emotion that comes with the journey of singleness and tried almost every piece of advice out there, so you wouldn’t have to. I know the pain of where you are all too well—the questioning of whether I’ll ever find love, the sting of believing the lies that maybe I’m not worthy of love like everyone else, the weight of the thought that maybe marriage just isn’t for me, and that I’ll be single and alone forever. I know these feelings all too well.

I also know the feeling of joy and contentment in singleness. I know the peace that comes from not being in a situationship or recovering from another heartbreak. I know the freedom to get up and go wherever I please, whenever I please. I’ve lived in the freedom of being able to heal with God, alone. Both ranges of emotions can exist at the same time.

In the early years of being single, I listened to all these relationship experts telling me there was something I needed to do more or less of to be suitable enough to be found. I did it all. I “put myself out there,” I shot my shot, I looked available, I went places where men were, I tried to be more approachable, more docile, tried to heal—all the things. I remember going to God at the end of my rope, saying, “Lord, I’ve tried everything and I’m still single. Nothing worked.” It was at that moment that God said to me, “That’s the problem, YOU tried.” The truth was, I was trying to control my love life, but the reality was, it was always in God’s hands. I never acknowledged God in my love life; this was true. I thought I needed to take control of my singleness and make something happen, but this only left me frustrated and disappointed.

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I think that often in our singleness, we strive and strive to make things happen. If we are honest with ourselves, we believe that we have the ability to control the narratives of our love story. Our striving is an indication that we don’t truly trust God in this area. As God’s daughters, the pen that writes our love stories is in God’s hands. This is the best place for it to be. I’m sure you’ve looked back at some of the decisions you’ve made when you “tried to make things happen” in your own will and wish you had a do-over. I’m certain there were some choices you would have made differently. This is not to condemn ourselves or live in regret, but I think we need to be real. We don’t often know what’s best for us, but God does. Our love stories are better written by God.

When I began to rest in the position of daughter, allowing God to Father me—to provide for me, love and protect me—I started to feel more content in my singleness. It was then that I started the journey of surrendering my love story (my singleness) to God. Being a daughter of God is our identity, not the title of wife. Your identity does not lie in your relationship status; you are not less worthy as a woman because you aren’t a wife. The Lord God deems you worthy, worth more than rubies, wonderfully made, the apple of His eye, and His beloved child. Please know today that you are not alone in your feelings of discontentment, frustration, and hopelessness in your singleness, but you don’t have to stay there. You can rest in the position of daughter until God says it’s time for Him to give your hand away to a man who will love you like Christ loves us. Until that time, rest and trust that God has your best interest in mind. As your caring and loving Father, He wants to take care of you. He wants the very best for you. Trust your love story in the hands of God, who will write a better narrative than we ever will.

Sade Solomon is a NYC-based social media personality and multi-hyphenate creator who boldly and fashionably ignites authentic and candid conversations on topics surrounding intercourse, singleness, and abstinence. After embarking on her journey of abstinence in 2013, Sade began openly sharing her life-changing commitment on various online platforms while enlightening and inspiring many through her journey. In her book, Ready, Set, Wait, Sade peels back the layers of truth about navigating singleness and abstinence as a single Christian woman. Her work and commentary have been featured by Good Morning America, Harper’s Bazaar, Essence, Black Love, and XO Necole.